Planning a big family trip includes a lot of logistics.
There’s travel, food, a place to sleep. And everyone might not agree with the plans. When it’s a multifamily event, sometimes it’s best to let each family make their own arrangements.
A father who thought he had the perfect solution for his family and his in-laws found out not everyone agreed. But after his in-laws made their own arrangements, they made it clear they planned to take advantage of some of the benefits of his plan.
After turning them down, he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Akchahal asked:
“AITA for telling my wife’s family they can’t cook in our Airbnb?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My wife and I have 2 kids (6 and 3) and my wife has 2 siblings. One brother (living in Cali and soon to be married later this summer), one sister (married with 3 kids all under 10) and both her parents (still married).”
“We are pretty close with my wife’s family, spend a lot of time with them and all the kid cousins get along super well. I have a very good relationship with everyone.”
“The brother is getting married later this summer in Southern California. The rest of the family, including us, live in the Midwest. We’ve planned a big 7-night family vacation down to SoCal for the wedding.”
“I proposed that our family (4 of us) + my sister-in-laws family (2 adults, 3 kids) and my wife’s parents (2 adults) rent a house for the 7 nights we will be in SoCal.”
“My reasons were:”
“-More space for everybody instead of living out of a suitcase in a hotel for 7 nights”
“-Have a kitchen available to cook and eat together instead of eating out for every single meal”
“-My son has a severe anaphylactic allergy to nuts so eating out can often be stressful for us as a family”
“Initially everyone was on board. I estimated that renting a large enough house (via Airbnb) would be approx $300/night per family unit (So $900/night split 3 ways). There are cheaper ones, but they would be too far from the wedding venue.”
“My sister-in-law and my parent-in-law learned that hotel rooms are available for approx $150/night. They’ve now bailed on the house idea and have reserved hotel rooms.”
“It’s their money and I understand renting a house is a lot of money to pay above the hotel rates. I have no issue with them changing their mind.”
“My wife and I still want to stay in a house, mainly for access to a full kitchen, so we booked an Airbnb. The smaller house will cost us about $350/night.”
“So we’ll be spending about $350 more than planned ($50 x 7 nights).”
“We’ve booked the Airbnb and the free cancellation period has now expired. We can’t cancel without losing money.”
“When my wife’s family learned that we booked an Airbnb they said, ‘Oh great! We can come to your house to cook food’.”
“I said , ‘No. If you wanted to cook then you should have reserved a house with us, not make us pay the extra for accommodations with a kitchen and then take advantage of that. If you want to use the kitchen cover the extra $50/night we have to pay and then you can use it’.”
“They say I’m being unreasonable and greedy.”
“AITA?”
“The dollar figures are not the exact numbers, but are simplified to get the story across.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“The action I took was telling my wife’s family that they cannot come to the Airbnb that my wife and I booked to cook food unless they cover some of the costs of renting the Airbnb.”
“That action might make me an a**hole because I’m preventing them from cooking and spending time with us in the rental and saying they can only do so if they cover some of the extra costs.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA—so they get to save half of their daily costs, get their room cleaned daily and use your Airbnb kitchen to save on eating costs? Hell no!!” ~ SadFlatworm1436
“NTA. It’s not even about the cooking, it’s about privacy and personal space. You can’t just invite yourself to someone’s house/hotel room.”
“It’s one thing to share a big space with your extended family, it’s a completely different thing to cram 10 people into a small place just because grandpa wants to cook himself some eggs.”
“If anything, I wouldn’t have put a price tag on it. I’d just say the place was too small to have people over.” ~ RelevantSchool1586
“NTA. Read the rules on the Airbnb. There is a good chance that them even coming over will give you a nice fine/fee.”
“We always have issues finding rentals that allow neice/nephew/mother-in-law to come over for a game night/pizza night when visiting family.”
“It would fall under rules about ‘parties’ or extra guests.” ~ maybeRaeMaybeNot
“NTA—This is quite entitled of them.”
“You’re correct; if they wanted a kitchen, they should have gone in on this with you.” ~ jrm1102
“If they thought it was convenient to have a kitchen, they should have paid for it as you initially proposed. They went with the hotel option with no kitchen thinking it would save them money and now they want to save it at your expense?”
“There are a**holes in this story, but it’s not you. NTA.” ~ DangleenChordOfLife
“NTA. Most Airbnb actually have rules that you can’t have more people over. So if you book for 4 guests, you can’t magically have seven extras show up for dinner. So I would just tell them that!” ~ Trick_Delivery4609
“NTA. I know Airbnbs have rules about extra guests. But it also seems like they waited for you to rent a house and then tried to take advantage of you.” ~ Romance-BookWorm-55
“NTA. First off, it’s not your decision to make whether or not people come over. We just stayed at a place for a week, and the rules were quite clear on extra ‘guests’, and must be approved ahead of time by the owners.”
“Of course the obvious reason is they are cheap, and apparently want to come over and make a big mess for you to be responsible to clean prior to leaving. Absolutely not.” ~ olerndurt
“NTA, please also keep in mind most hosts in SoCal limit the number of guests that can be in the unit and often they have a device that measures how many cell phones are present in the unit. If an extra five or six cell phones show up, the host gets an alert, and you get kicked out without a refund.” ~ Significant_Yak_5371
“I wouldn’t be able to relax or chill with guests every night cooking in a small rental space. Meet them at a park for pizza one night. The Airbnb has limits on guests probably, as well. NTA.” ~ Ipso-Pacto-Facto
“So they do understand the value of having kitchen access. They just don’t want to pay for it. NTA.” ~ crone_2000
“NTA. The need for cooking facilities is precisely why you suggested the bigger house. They will discover the error of their ways when they add up the cost of restaurant bills.” ~ Time-Tie-231
“NTA. AirBnB charges aren’t just about how many people sleep there.”
“Visitors mean::
“- more cars, more comings and goings, and more noise in general, which can all annoy neighbours. Plus extra children are extra noisy.”
“- more electricity & water being used at host’s expense.”
“- more people using the living areas and bathroom / toilet, not just the kitchen = more general wear & tear on flooring, surfaces etc…”
“- more use of consumables like toilet paper, soap, etc…”
“It’s just not fair to the host to have extra people there.” ~ CantCme2020
“NTA for a few reasons…”
“- a kitchen and the access to a full kitchen and not eating out for a week is a perk to a rental, they chose a hotel.”
“- your rental is not a shared common area, they should think of it as if you are staying in a hotel. Would they expect to come to your hotel room for any period of time had you gone that route.”
“- your sons allergy. I’m sure they are conscious of it, but are they as diligent as you and your wife? Could they bring something in that they thought was safe?” ~ capernaper
“NTA and make your wife be the one to deliver the news to them. I would be annoyed AF if my family tried to pull a stunt like this on me.”
“You were better off anyways with a house for your own immediate family.”
“Perhaps plan for a set amount of meals that they came come over for in advance. And set boundaries.” ~ LuckySection446
“Why isn’t your wife dealing with her family’s behavior? Why are you the one setting expectations?”
“What may be more effective is if you and your wife together decide how to deal with the situation, and then she communicates how you both have decided is best.” ~ leeneyboss
While the use of a kitchen would bet hetlpful on a long trip, the OP’s in-laws made their choice.
The OP’s Airbnb isn’t an option for them, no matter what the OP decides.