Families all over the world are preparing for the onslaught of holiday activities and traditions.
One of the saddest things about traditions, though, and holidays in general, is that they all grow with age.
Kids become adults, have kids of their own, and then start their own traditions.
This can cause a lot of family strife.
Redditor u/tmillie2262 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
"AITA for telling MIL that her son is too old to believe in Santa and probably doesn’t?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"This Christmas will be our first Christmas with our son, who is the first grandchild on both sides."
"Yesterday I was talking to my M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] about the holidays and said that we would be doing Christmas morning at our house now that we have a child so we could have family time to open presents from Santa together."
"But we would go to their house for dinner like we do every year (we have done Christmas morning with my parents and Christmas afternoon/evening with my in-laws for the past 8 years)."
"She was surprised by this and said she wanted to get him gifts from Santa too."
"I told her that was sweet, but my husband and I decided that Santa will only be coming to our house, with the reasoning that it could be confusing for other kids who have Santa just bring gifts to one home and not visit their grandparents’ homes."
"I said that we’d like to set this boundary now so we don’t have to make changes down the road, but if they want to watch him open Santa gifts, our door is open to anyone who wants to come over and spend Christmas morning with us."
"I told her I could order all of us matching PJs and cook a big breakfast if they decide to come spend Christmas morning with us, but the gifts she gets him need to be from Grandma and Grandpa ONLY."
"This really upset her, and she told me that it isn’t fair to her youngest son, and that he would be confused why Santa only left presents for him and not my baby."
"I reiterated that she could tell him that Santa brings gifts to the homes the kids live in, and that he visited our house for our son, and his house for him."
"MIL flipped out and once again said that I was being unfair to her son."
"I knew she was grasping at straws, using her son as an excuse because she’s controlling, and I said, 'Your son is 14. He’s in high school and is too old to believe in Santa, and he honestly probably doesn’t.'"
"'My son is a BABY, and Santa is for little kids, not kids that are too old to order off a kids menu.'”
"She said I was being a b**** and she was going to get him Santa presents anyway."
"I personally think this is so ridiculous, and she just wants to control the family, as always."
"Usually I just let these things go, but since I had my son, I do want to be able to set and enforce boundaries."
"I don’t think what I said was wrong, but even though my husband agrees with me, he said I was the AH for telling her that 'her baby' doesn’t believe in Santa."
"I feel dumb for making this the hill I die on, but even my husband says she needs to stop trying to control everything, especially now that we have our own family."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So... AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA, she sounds like a nightmare." ~ julrobbins
"She’s angry she doesn’t get to dictate the routine anymore." ~ qorvalyntl
"Exactly, MIL who can’t stand to pass the torch to the younger parents trying to create traditions of their own."
"Also, her believing that her high schooler still believes in Santa is very telling as to what type of person she is." ~ julrobbins
"NTA, but I wouldn't have Christmas dinner with someone who called me a bit*h."
"I also feel like your husband needs to manage her moving forward since she's calling you names for a perfectly reasonable holiday request." ~ steely_92
"The wild thing is, if I’m reading this correctly, MIL isn’t being told not to give any gifts, just to label them as being from her and F[ather]-I[n]L[aw], not Santa."
"No one’s losing out on anything; they still get to give the gifts they want, and the kid still gets the gifts."
"It’s just the label."
"It just sounds like MIL wants to relive being a parent with the new grandbaby and play Santa, but that’s not her role anymore if the actual parents don’t want that."
"And MIL needs to accept that she’s no longer the one in charge and move on." ~ amioth
"When I was a kid, Santa delivered most of our presents to my grandparents house (a plane ride away, where we spent Christmas every year), but he delivered all large presents to my parents' basement."
"The only questions kid me had were how Santa got into our house (the vent for the heater) since we didn’t have a fireplace, and why the basement (because he used the heater vent)."
"Exactly zero kids I mentioned this even had those questions."
"I will never understand having arguments over nothing, particularly in a relationship where there appear to be actual things to fight about." ~ agreywood
"My parents told us from the time we were little that Santa was a wonderful myth but not real, and Santa gifts were from our parents."
"The reason they did so was our mom had been really upset as a child when she saw that rich kids got so many more expensive Santa gifts than she and her friends."
"Yes, we had 'Santa' gifts on Christmas AM."
"We did not care where they came from."
"I agree, too many people take Santa much too seriously."
"Our kids and now grandchildren were told the same thing about Santa, and it’s been fine." ~ Big-Fig3260
"I don't understand why it would be remotely confusing that Santa left some gifts at grandma's, that they could open there."
"This stuff isn't science."
"YTA for making everything a fight."
"But also she's making a fight too, and I totally get how that's just as petty of her; ultimately, it's the parents' decision, and that should be the final word."
"I hope you have a good holiday and y'all can relax on this."
"But this is a silly thing to argue about, and maybe don't use the baby to fight this lady." ~ chairmanghost
"NTA. You were clear on your boundary."
"MIL has no intention of following it."
"Your husband needs to talk to her, and you need to agree what you are going to do if she shows up with Santa presents." ~ Maximum-Ear1745
"NTA whether or not a teenager believes in Santa is not the issue, that is a distraction."
"The issue is whether your mother-in-law will be able to respect your new boundary."
"You want Christmas morning with Santa‘s presents in your own home."
"That is a normal boundary to set, especially now that you have a child."
"It was wise of you to begin this now."
"She is trying to play Santa to someone else’s child."
"That is not normal."
"It is supposed to be the parents."
"NTA... do not get sucked into conflating the issue." ~ MaxDunshire
"I never officially told my parents I didn’t believe in Santa because one of my friends said that when they told their parents they stopped getting Santa presents and had a significant drop in gift number from the year before."
"So I kept my mouth shut and got Santa presents until I graduated high school." ~ Status-Zucchini822
"NTA. Tell her if she can't respect your family and your decisions that you'll also be eating dinner at home, and she can deal with that." ~ Sleepwalker0304
OP came back to chat...
"P.S. My husband said his parents never told him that Santa isn’t real, and even the adult kids get Santa gifts, so his youngest brother is probably milking the Santa thing."
"His parents have never gotten me a Christmas gift in 8 years, and none of the kids have ever questioned why their other in-laws or I never have gifts to open, so I doubt it’ll start with the baby."
I didn’t think it was necessary to include, but after reading some comments it might be."
"We decided Santa doesn’t bring gifts to grandparents’ house for multiple reasons: the first is that not everyone has the same financial means, so not everyone gets multiple gifts from Santa."
"Parents give the nice gifts; Santa brings the practical gifts that elves would make in the workshop."
"Second reason, which may provide context as to why this is the hill I’m willing to die on - my parents may get him a toy truck or stuffie where my husband’s parents go ALL OUT."
"I’ve seen trampolines, golf carts, hoverboards, a puppy, stuff like that, in the past."
"For the same reason as the first, that’s going to be confusing to a kid as he gets older."
"Why does Santa bring really big presents to one grandparent's home and not the other?"
"Not to mention, we can’t match their energy with those gifts either! "
"They should label those gifts from them and not throw off the Christmas magic."
Most of Reddit understands your feelings, OP.
Your kid... your rules.
Your MIL is just going to have to get with the new holiday programming.
Hopefully, it all works out.
Happy Holidays.
