Deciding on who does or doesn’t make the wedding party can be simple…
Or it can be a social minefield.
Some people keep it strictly in the family, while others pick their friends.
But when friends or family chosen have significant others, is that an automatic invitation to the wedding party?
A bride-to-be dealing with a best man’s significant other who thinks it is turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
AITA_bridesmaid24Â asked:
“AITA for telling someone she wasn’t a bridesmaid?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“This happened today, and my fiancé, my ffiancé’s best friend, and his girlfriend all think I’m an a**hole now.”
My fiancé and I got engaged last month, and the first thing I did after the excitement wore off was ask my three closest friends to be my bridesmaids. Including my best friend as the maid of honor.”
“They all said yes, and I was pretty okay with having a smaller bridal party. My fiancé, of course, asked his best friend to be his best man.”
“Some more context here is that I’m not particularly close with my fiancé’s best friend’s girlfriend. They’ve been together for two years, but most of that, they lived in another state.”
“So I’ve only ever actually hung out with her one other time.”
“Today, we went over to their house so my fiancé could pick something up from his best friend, and the subject of our wedding came up. She asked me what color the bridesmaid’s dresses were gonna be and when she should show up to go shopping for them.”
“I asked what she meant by that, and she said that she wanted to clear it on her schedule with work. I got silent for a second, and she said, ‘Well, because I’m gonna be in the wedding, right?’.”
“And I told her, honestly probably a little harsher than I should have, ‘No, you’re not a bridesmaid.'” Everyone got quiet, and we left fairly quickly after that.”
“My fiancé told me that I should just let her be a bridesmaid. His best friend is texting him, saying she’s devastated.”
“I just don’t know her that well, and I’m not comfortable with a stranger being in my wedding party.”
“AITA?”
The OP added:
“My fiancé didn’t say or imply that she was gonna be a bridesmaid. She literally cooked that up herself, or maybe her boyfriend told her, I don’t know.”
“I’m assuming she thought that because her boyfriend is in the wedding, she would be? But other than that, I have no idea.”
“I’ve literally only talked to her twice.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I might be the a**hole because I told her she wasn’t a bridesmaid, and she was expecting to be one. Probably to walk with her boyfriend.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“Since you only have three bridesmaids, I assume you have some close female FRIENDS that didn’t make the cut.”
“She’s crazy for assuming she was part of the bridal party, & even if she did, bringing it up so directly/inelegantly was worse. You’re definitely NTA.” ~ Busty_Superhero
“NTA, you don’t even know her. You have seen her a couple of times.”
“Why would she assume she would be your bridesmaid? It’s crazy to assume that, to be honest.”
“I would not even want to be the bridesmaid of someone I talked to twice. I would feel so out of place.” ~ dutchy81
“I was once a bridesmaid of a couple I had seen only once, both of them! The second time I talked to them (other than to thank them for the invitation and confirm our attendance) was literally at the wedding.”
“It was the most uncomfortable thing ever. I don’t know why anyone would wanna be in that situation.” ~ WildsFan47
“My husband has been best man or a groomsman many times over, and I have not been a bridesmaid in any of these weddings!”
“Although I have met the fiancés and girlfriends plenty of times, and we hang out often, I’ve still never once been offended or even expected to be a bridesmaid… ever.”
“There’s just a difference between being close friends and being ‘couple friends.’ There just wasn’t that relationship outside of our guys.”
“A few of them have developed into real friendships over the years now, but it’s definitely weird that this girl just expected to push her way into the wedding. And that the best man is playing into it.”
“If I had done that, my husband wouldn’t have hesitated to call out my crazy!” ~ ruffianradfoot
“NTA. That is a bizarre presumption on her part, and her boyfriend texting your fiancé that she is devastated so they can coerce her way into the wedding party is just as bad.”
“It’s too bad your fiancé can’t just speak up and say they don’t know each other, and we’re having a small bridal party.” ~ ckptry
“Devastated over not being in a stranger’s wedding‽‽ WTF‽‽”
“This woman should feel lucky to be invited as a plus one. Yikes!”
“OP needs to watch out for this one. NTA.” ~ WonkyFaerieKitty3
“NTA. She has either a main character syndrome or an attachment disorder with her boyfriend. She is trying to manipulate her way into being a bridesmaid.”
“OP has enough going on planning her wedding. This unwell, conniving wench needs to take a seat and understand she can’t demand to be part of the bridal party by riding on her boyfriend’s tux tails.” ~ FeRaL–KaTT
“WTH‽‽ Devastated over what? You’ve hung out with her one time.”
“She should be grateful she is included as a +1. NTA at all.”
“She sounds extremely entitled, and I really hope you don’t have to hang out with her a lot after you are married.” ~ broadcast_fame
“NTA. It was crazy for her to assume she was in your wedding. You don’t know her well—she has no right to be in your wedding. This is a ‘just no’.”
“Your fiancé may press you for fear his buddy will pull out. That’s on him.” ~ redgreenocean
“My husband has been a best man when I was a regular guest. She’s weird for assuming.”
“The boys are weird for trying to go along with it. Don’t cave. NTA.” ~ amyloudspeakers
“She’s ‘devastated’‽‽ Oh, hell no.”
“Tell your fiancé: ‘I have only met her twice, and she is “devastated” about not being in the wedding party of someone she barely knows? This is so bizarre that I’m not even sure I want her to be allowed to come as a Plus 1. You need to get your best friend to shut this sh*t down, and I don’t want to hear about it again, or she is not even welcome as a guest.”
“This isn’t your problem.”
“Her boyfriend should have told her that was not reasonable… and never called your fiancé.”
“Your fiancé should have shut that down as crazy, and it never should have reached your ears.”
“If you hear about it again, you can say: ‘Oh, are we talking about Devastated Girl again? Remember what I said about not even including an invitation to her? Think carefully about whether you want to discuss her again’.”
“BY THE WAY, make it clear that you are not including her in any of your bridesmaid events and plans. No nail and hair events. No hanging out with the bride on the morning of wedding, etc…”
“She’s a Plus 1 that you’ve met twice.”
“If they come in from out of town, you need to make it clear that they aren’t sleeping in your spare room the night before your wedding. If anyone sleeps over, it will be bridesmaids, and fiancé sleeps elsewhere.” ~ VanillaCookieMonster
“NTA. Ridiculous enough assumption on her part, but the truly ridiculous reaction from her boyfriend and your fiancé.”
“Point out to your fiancé that you don’t know her well enough to consider a friend just yet, let alone bridesmaid material.”
“And point out that you have zero expectation that he have the boyfriends of your bridesmaids as groomsmen.” ~ embopbopbopdoowop
The OP provided some updates.
“Thank you so much. I’m so glad other people thought her assumption was bizarre.”
“Apparently, his best friend’s girlfriend has a habit of throwing monumental tantrums over weird stuff. My fiancé was trying to avoid the huge fallout and subsequently, the huge backlash she would try to create by asking me just to appease her.”
“I put my foot down and said she can either come as a guest or not at all. He told me it was my decision, and he’ll let his friend know.”
“We haven’t heard anything yet from them, but I’m waiting for the tantrum. Wish me luck.”
The OP later added:
“So she is throwing a tantrum. The best man is texting my fiancé’s other friends about the situation.”
“He’s saying she has been crying about it, and I was unnecessarily rude and intentionally leaving her out because I’m jealous.”
“Nobody is taking it, though. I’m still standing my ground, and we’re rethinking the groomsmen now.”
It sounds like the best man’s girlfriend caused a rift between her boyfriend and the OP’s fiancé.
And she still isn’t going to be a bridesmaid.