Weddings can be an incredibly weird season in life, because while one happy couple’s new life is beginning, other lives together might end in the process.
This is especially true for friends who feel pushed out or not welcome in their friend’s new phase of life, empathized the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Spiritual_Laugh_6411 was excited for his best friend’s wedding and was honored to be his Best Man.
But when his best friend disinvited him as Best Man and took him out of the wedding party, the Original Poster (OP) was shocked to find out that it was because the bride’s family questioned what it would look like to have a gay Best Man standing at the altar.
He asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting for being angry that my best friend no longer wants me as his Best Man in his wedding because I am gay?”
The OP was shocked by his best friend’s wedding plan changes.
“My best friend since we were kids is getting married in a few months, and suddenly he and his wife decided to not only move me from being his Best Man but out of the wedding party altogether simply because I am a gay man.”
The OP shared a series of text messages between him and the groom.
After confirming the OP was available to talk, the groom cut to the chase and told him he couldn’t be his Best Man anymore.
“So I know my wedding is coming up in a few months, and I know I already asked you to be my Best Man.”
“But I think I am going to have to ask you to no longer stand up there with me.”
The OP was surprised.
“Oh? Well, that’s unexpected.”
“What happened? Did I do something wrong?”
You can see their second text message exchange here:
The groom confirmed the problem wasn’t something the OP could “fix.”
“No man, you did nothing wrong!”
“I was talking to [my future wife] last night, and she said that it would be a bad look if her husband’s Best Man, who was standing next to him on his wedding day, was a gay man.”
“I guess her parents have been asking a lot of questions, and she would just rather not deal with it.”
The OP was taken aback.
“Dude, what?! That is bizarre!”
“We have been best friends since we were in elementary, and suddenly me being gay is an issue?”
“So if I’m not standing up there as your Best Man, what now?”
What would happen next was worse than the OP could have hoped.
“You being gay isn’t the issue, dude. It’s the large amount of questions my wife and I are getting because of you being gay.”
“You’d be in the audience with everyone else…”
You can see their second text message exchange here:
The OP was hurt that his friend wasn’t there for him.
“HA! So not even a groomsman at all? Just straight up in the audience now, huh?”
“And you have nothing to say to that? Is that not wild to you?”
The groom did not step up for the OP.
“Honestly, it sucks, but it is what it is. Don’t make it harder than it has to be.”
The OP began to question their friendship.
“Righhhhht, okay, sure.”
“Well, good to know where you stand and how you view your ‘best friend.'”
The groom insisted that this wasn’t an issue.
“Look, the last thing I need is for people to assume that we have a history.”
“Quit crying about it. It’s my wedding and my choice.”
The OP no longer felt welcome at all.
“I get it, and you’re right. You have every right to make that decision.”
“I was just expecting you to be a real friend and handle this better, but that clearly is not the road you want to travel down.”
“Go ahead and just mark me off the invite list.”
You can see their third text message exchange here:
The OP was deeply hurt by his best friend’s decision.
“I understand it’s their wedding and their choice, but we have been essentially brothers growing up, and this seems so odd to me.”
“I’d think he’d at least try and talk to his wife and her parents first, and I can’t begin to understand why me being gay is even a problem.”
“Because of this, I don’t even want to go anymore, and this honestly hurts quite a bit.”
“Am I overreacting here? Should I still attend? This is frustrating, and I don’t know what to do.”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some said the groom was a terrible friend, enabling a clearly homophobic family.
“Wow, great friend you got there. Appease the homophobic inlaws (and wife, apparently)!”
“What a pr**k. I get that it’s his wedding and his choice who his groomsmen are, but d**n… Not cool. You’re underreacting, if anything. What vile people.” – lelebeariel
“I went through this before my wedding. My youngest brother is gay, and he was my Best Man. That guy would do anything for you.”
“My wife’s family was trying to manipulate her and me to switch to someone else.”
“My wife was fantastic, and she told her family that they weren’t required to go. She hoped they would, but it was my choice, and that was that.”
“NOR. THAT is what you deserve, OP.” – rochey64
“Honestly, regardless of the family’s opinion on Gay people, he is the literal GROOM. He can make decisions, too.”
“If it were my wife saying that my best friend couldn’t be up there simply because he’s gay, we would be reconsidering the whole thing.”
“NOR.” – 999Jupiter999
“Man, everyone DID think my bestie and I were dating for a long time (we never did or would, it would be like f*cking my sister, ugh), and she STILL wants me as her Maid of Honor, full stop, no exceptions, it’s happening.”
“She has long put her homophobic family in their place over me. That’s why she’s my best friend.” – AnxiousTelephone2997
“Him not wanting to do it in person makes me think that he’s lying about the reason. I honestly don’t think that it’s because ‘they don’t want to have to answer questions.'”
“I think that either his wife just doesn’t want him up there, or the guy getting married, himself, is just insecure about having a gay man as his best man. Not ‘being a man’ and having this convo in person tells me that there is a lot more to this on his side.” – Djdmac24
“Honestly, the fact that he initially asked him to be his best man and then completely took him out of the wedding party altogether seems like it would raise more suspicion among the bride’s guests, because I’m sure they all either know about it or someone will spill the tea later. It just gives them even more to gossip about.”
“Also, I love that he has the nerve to say, ‘It’s my wedding,’ as a reason to demote his best friend when he could have used that same logic to tell his wife and her family to f**k off?” – daveatnite
Others agreed and encouraged the OP to walk away from this wedding and this friendship.
“The silver lining: you know where he stands and he just saved you a couple thousand dollars (between attire, travel, lodging, gift, etc).” – LionessRegulus7249
“NOR. This person is not your friend. ‘Quit crying about it.’ F**k that guy. I’m sorry. Don’t go to this wedding and grieve this loss.” – Tall-Paykment-8015
“F**k him. I’m so angry right now for the OP. H**l, I’m angry at the ex-friend for being such a sorry excuse for a person. That has to be the lamest s**t I’ve ever heard.”
“Tell EVERYONE why you’re not going AND what he said. I’d be tempted to show them his literal break-up texts. Wow, just wow. What a f**king loser.” – HeyPrettyLadyMaam
“This ‘friend’ had no backbone for sure. He didn’t even have the conversation in person… nor even on the phone! He did it in a way that allowed him to minimize confrontation as much as possible. Terrible friend.” – ApparentlyIronic
“Wow… that’s honestly heartbreaking. I can’t imagine how painful that must’ve been after years of friendship. No one should have to shrink themselves to make others comfortable, especially not for something like this.”
“That’s disgusting. ‘Not wanting to deal with it’ is still homophobia, no matter how they phrase it. That groom is not your friend; he’s an enabler for an incredibly toxic, homophobic wife and family.” – IslandSignificant404
“I’d tell him to kick rocks. Your relationship is only going to be more awkward down the road. He made his choice, and you unfortunately have a difficult one to make as well. I feel for you.” – Little_Ad8502
“Hopefully, the OP isn’t giving them the opportunity to cut him out of their lives.”
“If I were in his shoes, I’d ask the best friend not to contact me again until he is getting a divorce (and presumably figured out what a misanthrope his wife is and is ready to do better).” – ShadowCass
The subReddit was so angry on the OP’s behalf and encouraged him to walk away before he could be hurt more.
Hopefully, the groom would wake up one day and realize what he had done wrong and what he lost in the process.