So we're all familiar with the bridezilla jokes.
The entitled, easily-angered stereotype of the over-indulged bride is a trope at this point.
So what happens when the trope hits close to home?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Maleficent_Glove_420 when he came to the "Am I the A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
He asked:
"AITA for saying no to my wife to be a bridesmaid?"
A wedding.
"I (am or was) going to be the best man at my brother's wedding next year."
"My wife was invited to be a bridesmaid and she Initially said yes."
An odd request.
"It turns out that the bride is now expecting my wife to get a whole new wardrobe for the bridal showers, bachelorette party, rehearsal, and reception dinner on top of her bridesmaid's dress."
"The only color she's allowed to wear to all of these events is the same lavender color as her bridesmaid dress."
"She was even given a few swatches of that material to take shopping with her. The shoes and makeup have to match for photos. Even pajamas have to match."
"The bachelorette party is a week getaway plus all of the other events it's like an additional 10 days of clothes that my wife will never wear again. She normally wears black or dark color clothes."
"I bring this up to my brother after he brings hands me the swatches of fabric."
"I told him this is the dumbest thing I have ever heard."
"He said that's why they giving me almost a year to get all of the items together for the bachelorette and weddings."
"I'm thinking of my wife's reaction because she's already not great friends with the bride."
"I told my brother that my wife can attend the wedding as a guest and not a bridesmaid."
"My bother gets mad saying I'm upsetting his fiancée's aesthetic that she's had planned."
"He's just asking for a few days of accommodation, and I said no. He tells me I'm no longer his best man for this, and I'm selfish for destroying his fiancée's dream wedding over a few dresses."
OP was left to wonder,
"AITA?"
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
A realistic request?
"NTA - It's so incredibly selfish when brides do sh*t like this. It's unfair to expect everyone to spend what will ultimately be thousands to try and accommodate this type of request."
"Your brother is being delusional." ~ reginafelangi123
"Yeah there are reasonable requests like 'please pack one black dress and have other colorful outfits for photos' and unreasonable requests like this."
"Expecting somebody to purchase an entire new wardrobe for a bachelorette is insane."
"NTA" ~ willfullyspooning
The party is supposed to end.
"And a week-long bachelorette party? I'm using my vacation to go to a week-long event where I have to worship the bride 24/7? Thank God I'm too old for that sh*t." ~ MeganMess
"That part really got me too!!!"
"When my friends and I were getting married, the bachelorette was one night 'out on the town'. How in the world did they morph into week-long events???"
"Someone please explain it to me." ~ justloriinky
"Weekends are fine by me, especially since my friends are spread out all over."
"A weekend gives us a day to travel to get to the same place, a day to party, and a day to chill/recover."
"That's reasonable to me."
"A full week is bonkers though" ~ speakfriend-andenter
A word from our community.
"When I got married my bridesmaids were literally 1 teenager, 1 twenty something year old, 1 mid-thirties, and one almost 40 new mom."
"All with very different styles and body shapes, and budgets."
"I just said 'any color found on a peacock feather, any formal dress you love.'"
"They all looked radically different, but they had matching flowers, and since they were the ladies at the front and center of the ceremony, it was obvious they were bridesmaids even without matching dresses."
"And they all told me they wore their dresses several times after to other events. One bought her dress with another event also in mind." ~ throwaway1975764
"I did something very similar!"
"I said 'any color that could conceivably match a red wine'. I made them matching cloaks to wear, it was totally fine."
"Not sure why people make such a huge deal out of everyone matching perfectly as if a minor deviation would annul the marriage!" ~ CrypticMetaphr
"I did ask my bridesmaids to wear a particular dress."
"However, they were all black, off the rack, evening dresses with a matching short jacket."
"I picked those particular dresses so they could actually be worn again in real life and they all did."
"(Every wedding I was in the bride said I could wear the dress again. Uh no, never did.) And a white wedding dress definitely stands out in a sea of black dresses and black tuxedos." ~ mamabear-50
The Bad guy.
"NTA at all! And props for being 'the bad guy' so your wife's relationship with your brother doesn't become more strained."
"When you're married to someone and know them completely, you know how they'll react in extreme situations like this."
"It also removes the chance the wife will say yes to something she doesn't want to do at all, for her husbands sake. And the bride-to-be is so out of bounds on her demands."
"Who cares what the pjs look like?? Is the bride going to have a professional photographer take pics of them getting ready for bed and sleeping?" ~ Klutzy-Excitement419
"Essentially this."
"What other people are suggesting is passing the ball to her, and she'd be the bad guy for declining."
"I've been commenting on this a lot in this thread because I can relate to the situation."
"There are situations where it's hard to turn down people, especially when they're in-laws, so it's good OP is getting the brunt of the blame here instead of making his wife the person who 'ruined' the bride's ridiculous dream wedding." ~ lemonleaff
"My wife would be livid if I did that because then she would be the bad guy."
"She'd much rather I say no and she can always correct me if she wants and be the good guy who is stopping me from causing trouble."
"OP may have gone far with descriptions, but being the bad guy was the right thing to do."
"There is no way to ask and do that because the implication is that if you say no later the wife was the one who torpedoed it." ~ SubarcticFarmer
Entitled.
"You get a Wedding Day."
"Not a week or a month."
"I would wear whatever the bride wants on the Wedding day and just don't wear white to any of the events."
"The bride is not being a gracious hostess."
"You're already, gladly, putting yourselves out for this wedding."
"The Bride sounds like a childish control freak who should not be indulged. Don't reward bad behavior."
"She should be grateful that you gladly accepted her invite to be in the Wedding." ~ Key-Grade4418
"NTA."
"Having a wedding does not entitle a bride and groom to make unlimited demands."
"While the wedding day and related events should be special, the couple needs to consider whether their desires are reasonable."
"Being in a wedding can be incredibly expensive under ordinary circumstances."
"A considerate couple would be mindful of this and either cover the costs of added demands or modify the demands."
"Here, it's one thing to ask that the party guests being on lavender outfit. A whole lavender wardrobe is just plain ridiculous and very self-centered."
"All that said, I'm not really sure it was your place to withdraw your wife from the wedding party without first talking to her."
"She may have been able to find a compromise if given the chance to talk to the bride directly."
"For example, perhaps she could have remained a bridesmaid but skipped the bachelorette party."
"I've never heard of anyone being kicked out of a wedding because they couldn't attend (or afford to attend) a bachelorette party…" ~ Fit-Ad-7276
"Wow."
"People really do be out here thinking the ENTIRE universe revolves around them huh?"
"I've never ever heard of such a thing."
"You know, years ago, brides paid for all their bridesmaid's dresses?"
"At least that was the etiquette where I'm from back in the day. It shouldn't cost much for the maid of honour much less a bridesmaid."
"Things have become insane!"
"The fact that the Maid of Honour plans and throws the bachelorette party is a huge gift in and of itself."
"Coming to a wedding and getting gifts etc is ENOUGH. Chances are upwards of 50% a divorce is in the cards anyways."
"Lmfao" ~ Vicem1972
OP did return to add some clarity.
"I don't know why Reddit would think I didn't discuss this with my wife."
"I told her afterward and she laughed, saying 'Hard pass' Maybe when you grow up and get into a functional, healthy relationship, you'll understand that you can predict your partner's moods and boundaries."
Does this mean that all brides behave this way?
Of course not.
Sometimes the groom is a...groom...zilla?
Other times the whole party is wonderful.
The important part is to stick to and be clear about your boundaries.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.