So we’re all familiar with the bridezilla jokes.
The entitled, easily-angered stereotype of the over-indulged bride is a trope at this point.
So what happens when the trope hits close to home?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Maleficent_Glove_420 when he came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
He asked:
“AITA for saying no to my wife to be a bridesmaid?”
A wedding.
“I (am or was) going to be the best man at my brother’s wedding next year.”
“My wife was invited to be a bridesmaid and she Initially said yes.”
An odd request.
“It turns out that the bride is now expecting my wife to get a whole new wardrobe for the bridal showers, bachelorette party, rehearsal, and reception dinner on top of her bridesmaid’s dress.”
“The only color she’s allowed to wear to all of these events is the same lavender color as her bridesmaid dress.”
“She was even given a few swatches of that material to take shopping with her. The shoes and makeup have to match for photos. Even pajamas have to match.”
“The bachelorette party is a week getaway plus all of the other events it’s like an additional 10 days of clothes that my wife will never wear again. She normally wears black or dark color clothes.”
“I bring this up to my brother after he brings hands me the swatches of fabric.”
“I told him this is the dumbest thing I have ever heard.”
“He said that’s why they giving me almost a year to get all of the items together for the bachelorette and weddings.”
“I’m thinking of my wife’s reaction because she’s already not great friends with the bride.”
“I told my brother that my wife can attend the wedding as a guest and not a bridesmaid.”
“My bother gets mad saying I’m upsetting his fiancée’s aesthetic that she’s had planned.”
“He’s just asking for a few days of accommodation, and I said no. He tells me I’m no longer his best man for this, and I’m selfish for destroying his fiancée’s dream wedding over a few dresses.”
OP was left to wonder,
“AITA?”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
A realistic request?
“NTA – It’s so incredibly selfish when brides do sh*t like this. It’s unfair to expect everyone to spend what will ultimately be thousands to try and accommodate this type of request.”
“Your brother is being delusional.” ~ reginafelangi123
“Yeah there are reasonable requests like ‘please pack one black dress and have other colorful outfits for photos’ and unreasonable requests like this.”
“Expecting somebody to purchase an entire new wardrobe for a bachelorette is insane.”
“NTA” ~ willfullyspooning
The party is supposed to end.
“And a week-long bachelorette party? I’m using my vacation to go to a week-long event where I have to worship the bride 24/7? Thank God I’m too old for that sh*t.” ~ MeganMess
“That part really got me too!!!”
“When my friends and I were getting married, the bachelorette was one night ‘out on the town’. How in the world did they morph into week-long events???”
“Someone please explain it to me.” ~ justloriinky
“Weekends are fine by me, especially since my friends are spread out all over.”
“A weekend gives us a day to travel to get to the same place, a day to party, and a day to chill/recover.”
“That’s reasonable to me.”
“A full week is bonkers though” ~ speakfriend-andenter
A word from our community.
“When I got married my bridesmaids were literally 1 teenager, 1 twenty something year old, 1 mid-thirties, and one almost 40 new mom.”
“All with very different styles and body shapes, and budgets.”
“I just said ‘any color found on a peacock feather, any formal dress you love.'”
“They all looked radically different, but they had matching flowers, and since they were the ladies at the front and center of the ceremony, it was obvious they were bridesmaids even without matching dresses.”
“And they all told me they wore their dresses several times after to other events. One bought her dress with another event also in mind.” ~ throwaway1975764
“I did something very similar!”
“I said ‘any color that could conceivably match a red wine’. I made them matching cloaks to wear, it was totally fine.”
“Not sure why people make such a huge deal out of everyone matching perfectly as if a minor deviation would annul the marriage!” ~ CrypticMetaphr
“I did ask my bridesmaids to wear a particular dress.”
“However, they were all black, off the rack, evening dresses with a matching short jacket.”
“I picked those particular dresses so they could actually be worn again in real life and they all did.”
“(Every wedding I was in the bride said I could wear the dress again. Uh no, never did.) And a white wedding dress definitely stands out in a sea of black dresses and black tuxedos.” ~ mamabear-50
The Bad guy.
“NTA at all! And props for being ‘the bad guy’ so your wife’s relationship with your brother doesn’t become more strained.”
“When you’re married to someone and know them completely, you know how they’ll react in extreme situations like this.”
“It also removes the chance the wife will say yes to something she doesn’t want to do at all, for her husbands sake. And the bride-to-be is so out of bounds on her demands.”
“Who cares what the pjs look like?? Is the bride going to have a professional photographer take pics of them getting ready for bed and sleeping?” ~ Klutzy-Excitement419
“Essentially this.”
“What other people are suggesting is passing the ball to her, and she’d be the bad guy for declining.”
“I’ve been commenting on this a lot in this thread because I can relate to the situation.”
“There are situations where it’s hard to turn down people, especially when they’re in-laws, so it’s good OP is getting the brunt of the blame here instead of making his wife the person who ‘ruined’ the bride’s ridiculous dream wedding.” ~ lemonleaff
“My wife would be livid if I did that because then she would be the bad guy.”
“She’d much rather I say no and she can always correct me if she wants and be the good guy who is stopping me from causing trouble.”
“OP may have gone far with descriptions, but being the bad guy was the right thing to do.”
“There is no way to ask and do that because the implication is that if you say no later the wife was the one who torpedoed it.” ~ SubarcticFarmer
Entitled.
“You get a Wedding Day.”
“Not a week or a month.”
“I would wear whatever the bride wants on the Wedding day and just don’t wear white to any of the events.”
“The bride is not being a gracious hostess.”
“You’re already, gladly, putting yourselves out for this wedding.”
“The Bride sounds like a childish control freak who should not be indulged. Don’t reward bad behavior.”
“She should be grateful that you gladly accepted her invite to be in the Wedding.” ~ Key-Grade4418
“NTA.”
“Having a wedding does not entitle a bride and groom to make unlimited demands.”
“While the wedding day and related events should be special, the couple needs to consider whether their desires are reasonable.”
“Being in a wedding can be incredibly expensive under ordinary circumstances.”
“A considerate couple would be mindful of this and either cover the costs of added demands or modify the demands.”
“Here, it’s one thing to ask that the party guests being on lavender outfit. A whole lavender wardrobe is just plain ridiculous and very self-centered.”
“All that said, I’m not really sure it was your place to withdraw your wife from the wedding party without first talking to her.”
“She may have been able to find a compromise if given the chance to talk to the bride directly.”
“For example, perhaps she could have remained a bridesmaid but skipped the bachelorette party.”
“I’ve never heard of anyone being kicked out of a wedding because they couldn’t attend (or afford to attend) a bachelorette party…” ~ Fit-Ad-7276
“Wow.”
“People really do be out here thinking the ENTIRE universe revolves around them huh?”
“I’ve never ever heard of such a thing.”
“You know, years ago, brides paid for all their bridesmaid’s dresses?”
“At least that was the etiquette where I’m from back in the day. It shouldn’t cost much for the maid of honour much less a bridesmaid.”
“Things have become insane!”
“The fact that the Maid of Honour plans and throws the bachelorette party is a huge gift in and of itself.”
“Coming to a wedding and getting gifts etc is ENOUGH. Chances are upwards of 50% a divorce is in the cards anyways.”
“Lmfao” ~ Vicem1972
OP did return to add some clarity.
“I don’t know why Reddit would think I didn’t discuss this with my wife.”
“I told her afterward and she laughed, saying ‘Hard pass’ Maybe when you grow up and get into a functional, healthy relationship, you’ll understand that you can predict your partner’s moods and boundaries.”
Does this mean that all brides behave this way?
Of course not.
Sometimes the groom is a…groom…zilla?
Other times the whole party is wonderful.
The important part is to stick to and be clear about your boundaries.