A man who is of mixed-race felt like he bonded with a guy he had been talking to on Tindr enough to go out on a date.
But when they met, the person with whom he subscribes to the same political views was not at all what he was expecting when his date made an offensive comment.
Needless to say, their first date would inevitably be their last.
Redditor twofakind24 – who later clarified in the thread that he was a male and that his date was White – said he felt “gross” after his dramatic response to the off-putting encounter.
He visited the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for flipping a drink on my date?”
The Original Poster (OP) admitted to not feeling well the following morning.
“I woke up feeling like sh*t this morning because of what happened last night. I need some advice.”
“I had talked with ‘Ted’ on tinder for a few days. We had bonding over our mutual love of leftist politics, art history, and music taste. We decided to meet for drinks after we got off work yesterday.”
“We sat down, Ted asked me to tell him about my background, since I ‘look different from most people in the area’ (I wasn’t sure what he meant by that; we live in a major city).”
“I explained that I was born in my hometown, my mother was a nurse who grew up in the town over and my father was an immigrant from Malaysia who came here during his formative years who learned English from PBS and they met and fell in love during college.”
“Still together 30 years later and they’re great parents.”
“Ted told me that it’s great that they’re good parents but it’s a shame I grew up in the circumstances I grew up in. I asked him to elaborate.”
“Ted opened with some spiel about how in the early 20th century, the Australian government attempted to wipe out the indigenous population by getting them to mate with only white people, slowly removing them of their color.”
“My mom fetishized other races and saw herself as a ‘tame the savages’ type person and my dad glorified white people as the ‘ultimate form of success.'”
“By having me, my mom committed an act of ethnic cleansing with my dad being an unwitting victim of cultural erasure, and this is apparent by the fact that I have taken on more aspects of white culture than Asian culture.”
“I just plain didn’t know how to respond. At this point everything is kind of a blur. I remember slowly asking him ‘so…you think my existence as a mixed-race person is racist’ and he said ‘well yeah but-‘ and then I poured my drink on him before he could finish.”
“He shouted ‘what the f’k’ as I got up to leave, he was begging me to sit down, can’t remember much of what he said, I don’t even remember how I got home apart from running a lot.”
“I woke up to a text saying he’s disappointed in me because he thought I could ‘engage in politics like an adult’ and he’s sending me the bill for his dry-cleaning.”
“This is new territory for me. I would have a hard time believing it happened if someone else told me. Idk if how I reacted was okay but I just feel so f’king gross and off today.”
“Edit: this is the last time I date poly-sci grads.”
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked if and where guilt belongs by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors declared NTA and believed Ted had it coming.
“Pouring the drink on him was a MILD reaction in my opinion.” – pmmeBostonfacts
“NTA, and I hope it was a mixed drink you poured on him.” – sqibbery
For the record, the OP said his drink was “ironically” an “old-fashioned,” which many people found to be amusing.
“That automatically makes you NTA just for the hilarity of the situation.” – scarlettwitch5224
“His old fashioned a** can pay for his own dry cleaning.”
“You do not have to sit there and debate your existence to anyone. You had every right to walk out and he’s lucky it was just a drink.”
“NTA. Adding, so funny that the drink was an old fashioned.” – wolviestorch
“That is absolutely hysterical. Sorry you wasted the old fashioned, but it sounds like it was probably worth it.” – livlivesforbrains
Others commented on how Ted’s comment was insulting and offensive and that the OP shouldn’t be responsible for the cleaning bill.
“NTA Insulting your parents and your existence isn’t politics. The assumptions he made about your parents are revolting and his characterization of your existence being an act of ethnic cleansing just… wtf.”
“Why the hell would he even want to go out with someone he obviously views so poorly? At least he flew his racist, horrible person flag early? I’m so sorry. And don’t pay for his dry-cleaning.” – TimeandEntropy
“For real, the mere fact of existing as a mixed race person is objectionable to some people.”
“Intolerance of my existence is definitely past the point where something goes from being political to being personal.” – Zero132132
“He was basically calling OP’s mom racist and saying she married OP’s dad not for love, but to wipe out his culture.”
“Don’t pay the dry cleaning!!!” – Flukie42
“I honestly think most of these woke white people are more racist than your mildly racist normie.”
“White knighting and infantilizing POC just shows how they see them as less than or below them. They establish a ‘you’re the victim. I’m the savior’ narrative.”
“This a**hole literally couldn’t fathom that maybe OPs parents just connected and loved each other as equals.”
“Like, that narrative just couldn’t possibly exist in the dudes mind. He went overboard and had to make everything a race issue which is super insulting.” – lionchords
“It’s fake wokeness. It’s like thinking you’re woke and then flying around in a dream world.”
“Being truly ‘woke’ as a white person means listening, learning and growing and probably never, ever describing yourself as ‘woke’, as it’s an unattainable goal that we should ever strive for.” – disatnce
“OMG NTA and I applaud you! Many people in my culture were, decades ago, Victims of ethnic cleansing via breeding (including my isomummu) but if ANYONE told me my white mother was trying to ‘breed out’ my fathers heritage I would’ve flipped the whole bar onto them.”
“I suppose my uncle, who met a woman from Hong kong and took mandarin classes for years JUST so he could speak with her because he loved her that much was trying to ethnically cleanse her too? God, your date was a clown. Thanks for being awesome.” – Finndoll
“Oh honey. Was this your first date with a white guy? A lot of my gay Asian male friends experience similar fetishisizing that I do as an Asian female. Doesn’t matter if you’re mixed or not.”
“While it’s true that there is a percentage of Asians (diaspora, children of immigrants, Asians in majority Asian countries) who are white worshipping, have internalized racism/self-hate, it’s 100% not his place to accuse your mother of being this way.”
“I personally feel it’s not even his place to prompt this sort of conversation. Especially the way he did.”
“He could’ve, perhaps, asked your opinion on the Asian experience in your country, your experience as a mixed race person, your mother’s experience, etc etc. But to lecture you? Absolutely not. Even then, that’s a pretty loaded first date conversation.”
“Not to mention the ‘you don’t look like other people around here’ comment. I cannot roll my eyes hard enough for you. Ignore him, don’t send him any money, and move on with your life.” – happy_berry
The OP responded:
“I’ve dated all races before, and I’ve been fetishized by a number of non-Asian people. But never like this!”
Overall, Redditors thought the OP’s reaction was warranted and that Ted’s discussion of his viewpoint was not a welcome conversation on a first date or any date for that matter.