in , ,

Woman Shamed For Refusing To Give Cupcake To Young Girl At Party Who Wasn’t On Guest List

woman decorating cupcakes
morrowlight/Getty Images

Some people make promises all the time but keep very few of them.

Others promise things only rarely but keep every one they make.

Personally, I prefer the latter over the former.

If you can’t guarantee something, don’t promise it. And if you make a promise, make every effort to keep it.

A woman facing criticism for keeping a promise turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.

SnowyCrocodile asked:

“AITA for not giving a cupcake to a child who is not originally on the guest list?”

The original poster (OP) explained:

“I (24, female) recently returned to my hometown after being away for college and work. My grandma often hosts potluck party where her 3 kids and their families can hang out.

“I am a pretty good baker, and the couple of times I brought baked goods over, I got lots of compliments, especially from the kids.”

“For the potluck, we had last week, I had promised to make a cupcake for each and every kid (8 kids, all under 9). The adults would get a 2-pound cake to be shared.”

“I elaborately decorated the cupcakes and made sure I made enough. I didn’t have the energy to make extras.”

“On the day of the party, one of my cousins brought her boyfriend and his kid Gina (7, female) over unannounced. Gina saw the cupcakes each kid got and wanted one, too, so my cousin brought her to me to ask for a cupcake.”

“I apologized and told them that all the cupcakes were spoken for and that she was welcome to have a slice of the 2-pound cake as it was the same flavor.”

“Gina said she wanted the pretty cupcake.”

“My cousin then said I should just give her one because she was sure at least one of the kids would not show up.”

“Again, I refused, saying that I promised all the kids a cupcake and would feel awful if anyone had to miss out on the promised cupcake. My cousin then walked away with Gina.”

“She was right though as one of our cousins’ girl, Amy (8, female), was sick and couldn’t come. However, her dad and older brother did and the brother asked if he could take the cupcake back home to Amy and I said yes.”

“My cousin and Gina were in the kitchen when I brought the cupcake inside to pack it up for the Amy. When they saw me packing the cake, they asked about it, and I said it was for Amy, who was sick.”

“Pictures from the party were recently posted. Many parents posted pictures of their kids with my cupcake.”

“My cousin sent me a message telling me that Gina was really upset that Amy, who wasn’t even at the party, got a cupcake while she didn’t. She said I was an AH for hurting a little girl’s feelings.”

“I think I did the right thing giving the cupcake to Amy as I did promise her one. Still, Gina was right there at the party.”


The OP summed up their conundrum. 

“I did not give my cupcake to a little girl who was not on the original guest list at a family party.”

“I could be the AH because one of the kids who was supposed to get a cupcake was sick and couldn’t come, and I could just give the cupcake to the little girl.”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors were divided into all four judgments, with some saying there were no a**holes here.

“NAH. I get that it was important that Amy get a cupcake, though I understand Gina’s frustration since she’s so young.”

“I don’t think anyone’s necessarily an AH here.”

“Though I do think it’s a bit silly to make exactly 8 cupcakes. When I bake, I always make extras, just in case.”

“What if a kid had dropped one? What if you dropped one?”

“If you can’t make extras to make up for the possibility of accidents (and therefore have extras for others just in case), I just wouldn’t say yes to baking for an event.” ~ fckinsleepless

“NAH—maybe your cousin is being hardheaded. Gina is seven and can understand the value of a promise—my 4-year-old niece can.”

“Tell your cousin Amy not only had been promised the cupcake, she was also sick. You would have to be heartless to even think of doing that to a sick child.” ~ BeautifulIncrease734

Others thought everyone sucked (ESH).

“ESH. Who makes only 8 cupcakes when you could make a dozen? I’ve never heard of anyone making just enough unless they’re very inexperienced at going to social gatherings or getting paid to do it.”

“And who packs up one cupcake as dessert for a sick child? OP should’ve just given the cupcake to the girl that was there.” ~ jebusgetsus

“ESH, but the kids. I just can’t imagine turning down a little girl who doesn’t know anyone from a fancy cupcake when there is a sick kid not there to eat theirs.”

“I think I would have sent cake home for the sick child. Hopefully, her parents would have used it as a teachable moment for empathy that there was a child there that didn’t get one and maybe made her a special one next time.”

“In the future, I would also make 1-2 extras for contingencies as there is always an extra kid around. I just can’t get past a 7-year-old watching all of the kids eat a fancy cupcake and not giving her one. How did no one else do anything?”

“I would have, at the very least, made one of my kids split theirs with her. Also, I always thought potlucks are generally not invite only affairs with a strict guest list and believe the more the merrier, but I guess everyone is different.” ~ KAM94109

Some felt the OP was the a**hole (YTA).

“YTA. If you don’t go to the party, you miss out on the cupcakes.”

“You could have sent Amy home some cake, and it would have been easier for her to understand and be grateful for cake than it would be for a 7-year-old to watch this play out in real-time.” ~ ScaryButterscotch474

“YTA. Amy would have been happy with a piece of cake, and you denied a child that was PRESENT the opportunity to participate with the other kids.” ~ Wonderful_Manager_31

“Soft YTA. The rule about kid-friendly parties: the under-10 numbers are always ridiculously fluid. They get sick, suddenly they remember scheduling conflicts, they have friends that tag along, there are babysitters that come through or fall through, and so much more.”

“Eight kids could have been 2 or 16, which really was up to what the host allowed for. The rule about the under-10s: they dgaf what you’re arsed to do/not do and will believe things are different/special when made to look it despite being the same as something that looks plainer.”

“You had pretty cupcakes, and seven kids were able to enjoy them and receive extra special attention for having them. You honestly thought a 7-year-old was going to be the fount of stoic maturity and eat a boring old slice of cake no one is cooing over that will, to her, taste like sh*t?”

“And there was a cupcake, just sitting out for viewing, long enough to maybe hope for a change of heart only to get carted off for a kid who wasn’t there (and, frankly, was easily apt to get some smushed cake after being packed off after time outside for icing to sweat).”

“Do not over-promise yourself. It’s not a kindness to you, and doing so leads to situations like this one.”

“If not willing to follow basic catering rules—make extra in case of an extra guest or sh*t happens, don’t make special treats for the kids.” ~ MargoKittyLit

While a slim majority decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).

“NTA. All the cupcakes were spoken for. Your cousin was essentially asking you to punish Amy for being sick by giving her cupcake to Gina instead.”

“Gina was an add-on, and as such, she was welcome to enjoy the cake but not to steal a cupcake that was promised to and designated for someone else.” ~ baka-tari

“NTA. This is the perfect illustration as to why you do not bring surprise guests.”

“While yes, it’s generally good practice to make extras just in case, it’s not a requirement, and it’s not rude or a breach of etiquette if you don’t. Some of the really pretty baked goods are very time-consuming—I say this as a former pastry chef.”

“With all the different colored frostings and elaborate techniques, you could easily spend a couple of hours decorating eight cupcakes. I don’t fault OP for not having the energy to make a couple of extra just-in-case cupcakes.” ~ bakerowl

“NTA. Gina needs to learn that just because you want something doesn’t mean you will get it. Your cousin is teaching her to be entitled.”

“Good on you for saving the sick Amy a promised cupcake. I’m sure it made her day/night.” ~ BBQQuails

Well, the OP certainly has a wide variety of viewpoints to ponder.

The only real definitive lessons are about making promises and making extra for unexpected guests.

Written by Amelia Mavis Christnot

Amelia Christnot is an Oglala Lakota, Kanien'kehá:ka Haudenosaunee and Metís Navy brat who settled in the wilds of Northern Maine. A member of the Indigenous Journalists Association, she considers herself another proud Maineiac.