A 29-year-old man decided to take the next step with his 27-year-old girlfriend. Before proposing, he decided to ask his girlfriend’s parents for their blessing.
But something her father said made him question how welcome he would be in their family. So he took to Reddit’s Relationship Advice subReddit for help.
Redditor ThrowRAmixedbabies posted:
“My girlfriend’s dad discouraged me from proposing because their family isn’t thrilled about us having ‘dark babies’.”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Me and my girlfriend (GF) Naomi are an interracial couple, with her being Korean and me being Black. We have dated for just under 5 years now, and for the past few months I’ve been planning on proposing.”
“I’m pretty traditional so I thought it would be a good idea to ask Naomi’s dad for his blessing before I proposed. I asked earlier this month.”
“When I arrived at their house I was greeted by Naomi’s mother and father who invited me in. After a little talking I told them that I was going to propose and wanted their blessing.”
“Her mother was ecstatic, and her father didn’t seem displeased and he told me it was okay for me to propose. We talked more and the topic of babies was brought up by her mother.”
“I told her that I wanted to have kids with her, and she got even happier. We continued talking, when I told them I needed to start heading home her mother said she would send me home with some food and left for the kitchen.”
“Me and her dad have a small language barrier between us that usually is alleviated by either Naomi or her mother, so we kinda just sat there in silence. He then told me this, I’ll clean it up, but it was difficult to understand as he isn’t great at English.”
“‘You are a very nice young man and we like you a lot. We’d be happy to have you in our family, but our *unidentified word* we are not too happy about you and her having dark babies’.”
“I was stunned, and kinda just awkwardly laughed. We sat there for another 2 minutes before her mom came out with a wrapped plate.”
“When I got home, I said nothing about this to Naomi. I know I need to talk to her about what was said, but I don’t want to be the one that accuses her family of being racists.”
“And I know this is probably irrational but the way her father said it, put the thought in my head that Naomi may not want kids because of how dark I am.”
“How do I approach her about this in the least accusatory way possible?”
Redditors had plenty of advice and many focused on communication.
Since English is not her father’s strong suit, they felt the OP needed to speak to his girlfriend first. Then, if it went well, speak with her father through an interpreter.
The OP returned with an update.
“Thanks for all y’all’s input. It really helped and most of y’all were right on target.”
“Yesterday afternoon I sat my GF, Naomi down and had a conversation with her about what her dad said to me. I tried to leave out any mention of proposal and told her I was in their neighborhood and decided to pop by (Terrible lie, I know but she bought it).”
“I told her what her dad said about us having dark babies and asked if she had any similar feelings about our kids popping out half Black. She looked at me like I was out of my mind.”
“She told me she didn’t give a f’k about the color of her kids as long as I was the dad, which was reassuring. She was not so happy with her dad.”
“She wanted us to take a drive over there and talk with her parents about it.”
“That evening we dropped by unannounced and when her mom opened the door to see us she immediately asked Naomi to show her the ring. Naomi was confused and I about sh*t myself.”
“I, like a dumba**, didn’t call ahead to her parents that I hadn’t proposed. I guess her mom thought we were going to surprise her with the engagement and assumed I had already proposed.”
“I was speechless. They began speaking in Korean, but from context I assume her mom was asking [why I didn’t] buy her an engagement ring.”
“And Naomi looked at me and started hugging and kissing me. My secret was out and I told her I had already asked her parents for their blessing.”
“She was a few seconds from crying but sucked it up so we could speak to her dad.”
“Like I said in my post, my future father in law isn’t great at English so he and Naomi spoke in Korean. According to Naomi, she asked him why he told me that, and he said that he was worried about their extended family not viewing our babies as Korean and being rude to them or me for being Black.”
“I guess this did not come across well in English, because he was just concerned for me and our kids. He didn’t care that our babies would have dark skin.”
“This was a huge relief. Her father isn’t the racist, their extended families are (but like, f’k them who cares what they think).”
“I am just so glad that our future kids are going to have grandparents that are going to love them. Only downside is now Naomi is expecting my proposal so I really got to knock her socks off.”
“Thanks so much for all the help.”
Alls well that ends well. We wish this couple the best.