We must all be cautious when sharing news with others.
Not everything is common knowledge… despite what we may think.
As a result, we might casually mention something in conversation that the person we’re speaking to is completely unaware of.
Having unexpectedly large consequences for many people.
Redditor Disastrous-Put-2095 had an incredibly intelligent teenage nephew.
A nephew who always assumed something about his life and upbringing.
Something he sneakily managed to get the original poster (OP) to inadvertently confirm.
Putting her at odds with much of her family as a result.
Wondering if she had done anything wrong, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA (26 F)for telling my nephew (14 M) that he is adopted?”
The OP explained how she ended up unintentionally sharing information with her nephew that she was not entitled to share:
“My brother ‘Billy’, 41 M[ale] and his wife ‘Chloe’, 39 F[emale] adopted their son ‘Ryan’, 14 M, when he was a newborn.”
“I am 26 F and using a throwaway.”
“When my brother and SIL adopted Ryan they decided not to tell him that he was adopted until he was old enough to understand.”
“It’s important to understand that Ryan is a really smart kid, he’s crazy smart.”
“Last Friday, we all went round to my parent’s house for dinner.”
“This included, myself, Billy, Chloe, Ryan, my older sister ‘Ella’, 32 F and our parents.”
“After dinner, we all kind of separated into different rooms to chill.”
“My nephew and I are both into Minecraft, and he was showing me his new world on his iPad.”
“We were just chatting about the normal stuff when he asked, ‘So why do you think my parents adopted me?’ very, very casually.”
“I was caught very off guard because my brother and SIL hadn’t mentioned anything about telling him.”
“I didn’t know what the heck to say and how they’d explained it to him, so all I said was, ‘This is something I’d speak to your parents about, mate’, verbatim.”
“He nodded and said ‘yeah’ and changed the subject.”
“Not long after, my brother and Chloe came in and said they were heading home.”
“I didn’t want to mention it in front of Ryan, so I thought I’d shoot them a message once they’re home.”
“When they left, I mentioned it to my parents and Ella, who were also shocked that Chloe and Billy hadn’t mentioned telling him to them either, so none of us were prepared to answer any questions he may have.”
“I messaged Billy, and in under 1 minute, Chloe was on the phone swearing and screeching like a banshee.”
“It turns out that Ryan had NOT been told that he was adopted, and by saying ‘You should speak to your parents about this,’ I actually did tell him, and I should have said that he’s NOT adopted.”
“I’m not sure why Ryan asked but he’s a smart kid, he must have had some kind of inkling which is why instead of asking directly, he asked my opinion on why.”
“That was Friday evening, Chloe went insane down the phone, I could hear Billy in the background saying that I was out of line and I’m not a parent, so I don’t understand the gravity of what I’ve done, etc.”
“It’s now Wednesday evening, and my family is still divided and not communicating properly.”
“My parents understand my point of vie,w but our sister, Ella, is saying that I’m an idiot that was ‘manipulated by a teenager’ and has called me a complete asshole for stepping on his parent’s toes.”
“I’ve had Chloe’s family message me over the weekend calling all sorts of names.”
“I’ve been told I’m not allowed to their anniversary party next month, etc.”
“All this to say, it’s a complete and utter sh*t show.”
“I understand that I should have talked to his parents before I gave him any kind of answer, but it was in the moment.”
“Does anyone have any advice on what to do now? Because right now, it looks like they’re going to have no contact with me.”
“AITA in this scenario?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly stood behind the OP, agreeing that she was not the a**hole for confirming her nephew was adopted.
Everyone agreed that the OP made an honest mistake, and if anyone was at fault in this situation, it was Billy and Chloe who did not live up to their promise of talking to Ryan when he was “old enough to understand,” which he now clearly is.
“NTA.”
“This is absolutely ridiculous that they are blaming you for their son asking you a question.”
“Telling him to talk to his parents is not confirming that he’s adopted it’s telling him to discuss his feelings with his parents.”
“They wanted you to lie to him.”
“I’d text Chole’s family and ask them what they were told because, I have a feeling, she just told them you told Ryan that he was adopted.”
“Explain to them that Ryan asked you about your thoughts on why his parents adopted him and that you told him he needed to talk to them.”
“You in no way told him he was adopted.”
“‘I understand that I should have talked to his parents before I gave him any kind of answer, but it was in the moment’.”
“Uh, no.”
“You were blindsided by the question and led to believe that they were going to tell him when he was old enough.”
“As far as you knew, they’d already told him.”
“If they’d changed their mind about telling him, then they should have communicated that with you a long time ago.”
“This whole mess is their fault, not yours.”- naranghim
“Hilarious!”
“They said they’d tell him ‘when he’s old enough to understand!'”
“He seems to understand quite well.”
“NTA.”- LTK622
“NTA.”
“He was going to find out.”
“He obviously already suspected.”
“At least he knows there is one family member who didn’t lie to him, someone he can trust.”
“His parents are crazy if they actually thought this could be handled without telling him.”
“As someone who’s seen this first hand, the truth will always come out, and his parents, by hiding it, have caused serious damage.”
“You handled it amazingly, considering the circumstances.”
“As to advice, I’d just give it time.”
“They created this situation by trying something they really didn’t need to hide.”
“They are probably trying to do damage control.”
“Hopefully, they come to their senses in time and apologize to their son and you.”
“If they stay no contact,t maybe you can find a way to discreetly let your nephew know none of this is his fault.”- Clean-Professional57
“NTA.”
“Teens aren’t dumb; he already knew the answer and wanted confirmation.”
“Yeah, it was a little manipulative, but apparently, he felt he had to do that to get the honest answer.”
“And really, how else would anyone handle that other than straight-up lying (which is WORSE IMO).”
“And, It just so happens that I am a parent…(like their poor excuse they threw at you over the phone), and I understand that you DO tell your kid waaaaaay before 14 that they’re adopted.”
“They’re in the wrong here, not you.”
“The fact that their own child won’t start an important conversation with them speaks volumes of who he trusts.”- TheSciFiGuy80
“NTA.”
“You didn’t tell him.”
“What they wanted you to do was lie, and never did you agree to that.”
“I would’ve answered same thing cause a kid suspecting they were adopted is a convo I think they need to have to wonder why they think that.”
“You did nothing wrong, their overreaction is only thing that confirmed it.”- pottersquash
“NTA.”
“They never planned to tell him.”
“There is no other reason to be this upset over an honest mistake.”
“He’s been old enough to know the truth for a few years.”
“They don’t want to be adopted mom and dad they wanted him to not know.”
“It’s selfish on their part.”- Loud-Rhubarb-1561
Yikes. Poor Ryan. Your brother and SIL are HORRIBLE parents and they are absolutely the AH’s in every respect.
“You are obviously NTA and did nothing wrong.”
“Chloe is especially terrible and I feel so badly for Ryan having her as an adoptive mother.”
“Chloe clearly comes from an entire family of AH’s, and I’m sorry she’s a part of your family.”
“Billy and Chloe should have anticipated something like this would happen one day when they decided to raise him in a house of lies and deception.”
“No one thinks this is a good route to go, and adoptive parents are encouraged to always be honest.”
“They are to blame for the consequences of their deception and their terrible parenting.”- chicagoliz
It’s certainly a lot to process for a child to learn they were adopted.
However, what’s important for them to understand more than anything else in this scenario is that being adopted doesn’t in any way mean their parents aren’t their parents or that they are any less loved.
Something Billy and Chloe should have addressed with Ryan much earlier.
Seeing as Ryan deduced everything without any help, it seems that his parents have a much bigger problem with his being adopted than he does.