When we have the funds to do it, sometimes it's nice to do something fun for ourselves, especially when we've been putting off the purchase for a while.
But some people might look on and be jealous that the money wasn't somehow spent on them, pointed out the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor gamergirlaita had wanted a new gaming system for her office and finally decided to make the big purchase.
But when her boyfriend said she was too dumb to really appreciate what she'd bought, the Original Poster (OP) was shocked by his pettiness.
She asked the sub:
"AITA for not buying a new PC for my boyfriend?"
The OP recently started living with her boyfriend.
"I (24 Female) live with my boyfriend (27 Male). We have been dating for 4 years, and living together for 8 months."
"We live in an apartment I inherited along with one more other house that I rent out and some cash inheritance."
"We also have a maid who cleans (who I pay for), we cook our own breakfasts (different working times in the morning), and we alternate dinner duties."
"My boyfriend and I both love playing video games. We both have full-time jobs but still, find time to play together as well as seperately with our own friends. He is a much better player than I am, he plays in tournaments and competitions whereas I just play for fun."
The OP's boyfriend was talking about upgrading his gaming setup.
"A few months ago, my boyfriend started talking about some new PC and other items he wanted to upgrade his set up and how he was saving up for it."
"I was okay with it since we have separate finances."
"He doesn't pay for the utilities but splits groceries, which wasn't an issue because I had extra income from the rental property."
The OP decided to upgrade her own first, using inheritance money.
"I thought I could use my inheritance money and get myself an expensive set upgrade as well."
"I took suggestions from YouTube and some friends."
"I scheduled the delivery for the day that I knew he won't be home all day. The setup came, and they sent someone from the store to set it up for me."
"I used the PC for a while and it was amazing."
The OP's boyfriend did not have the reaction she was expecting.
"My boyfriend came home during the evening and saw my new PC. I was so excited to see his reaction but his face remained very dull."
"He looked at me and asked why it was on my side of the room."
"I told him it was because it's mine."
"He asked me to confirm that I bought his dream PC setup for myself, and I said yes."
"He got visibly mad, but then said, 'It's useless for you, we should just swap, you don't play well and won't be able to use it to its full potential, you can have mine.'"
"At first, I just laughed, because I genuinely thought he was joking. But when I realized he was being serious, I told him no. I said that I bought this for myself."
"He blew up at me and told me that I need to buy the same one for him as well."
"When I said no again, he started yelling about how unfair I was being and how I wouldn't be able to appreciate technology like that since I am too dumb to even understand the specs."
"By that point, I was losing my s**t, so I told him to get out."
The situation escalated.
"He grabbed a few items and left to stay with his best friend."
"Now his best friend and a few other friends are blowing up my phone, saying that as a girl, I shouldn't own something so expensive that I don't understand."
"They also said I could buy him the same setup since I can afford it due to the inheritance."
"I don't have any loans so it's not like I am saving the money for something particular in the future, which is making me doubt if I was the a**hole?"
The OP clarified that the gaming system she selected was purely an accident.
"To everyone saying that it's kind of my fault for buying the exact same setup he told me about and flaunting it in his face, I do understand your point and take responsibility for it, but he never really mentioned any specific models."
"Like he would say how 'This brand has launched some really powerful items in the past few years,' or how 'That brand has such amazing monitors.'"
"I did know the brands he was referring to, but when it came to purchasing, I depended on YouTube reviews and suggestions from my gaming friends. It was purely a coincidence that it happened to be exactly what he wanted."
"I do understand that I should have been maybe more aware, but I genuinely didn't know that it would offend him since I wasn't doing it out of spite."
"If anything, at the back of my mind, I had thoughts like we could have twin setups eventually and make cheesy TikTok videos on weekends."
But the OP felt increasingly more conflicted about her relationship.
"The only reason I'm questioning myself here is that, even if accidentally, I did buy the equipment that he has been wanting for months."
" And I can afford to buy another setup but it felt right to buy him one for no reason."
"I feel bad because we have been together for years, but the more I think about it, the more red flags I see."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the boyfriend should have been happy for the OP.
"Are you still sure you want to be with this kind of person? Instead of being happy for you, he throw a hissy fit and resorted to misogynistic comments. He clearly doesn't respect you despite getting a lot from you. What does he provide for you?" - egulsagedli
"You sound crazy asking if you're TAH. Free rent. Free maid. Free utilities. And he also expects you to either give him you're brand new PC or buy him one??"
"Of course his friends have his back, they want to help him milk you as much as possible before you realize you deserve better. He did the worst possible thing to himself by leaving, giving you space to see things clearly. Take him leaving for the blessing that it is."
"Change the locks. Drop the rest of his things off at his friend's, and then block/delete/unfriend him and his friends. Appreciate the relationship for the good times and the lessons you learned and love onto the next chapter, find a guy who respects and appreciates you." - NonaOrganic
"He turned all his friends into flying monkeys to harass her! Dump this AH as he should have been happy for you getting new equipment." - MidwestNormal
"NTA, OP."
"My wife and I are like you and him (only in the sense that we game), and as an IT tech, if my wife buys/builds a PC with amazing specs without my help, I would be so proud of her, like 'D**n, girl, you did good research!'"
"If you follow the advice of everyone else and dump him, send him daily videos of you using the PC to play Minesweeper while constantly yelling, 'FULL POTENTIAL!'" - mcast46
Others thought that the boyfriend was using the OP and needed to leave.
"NTA. Seriously, in 2022, they're still saying girls can't handle equipment or are too dumb to understand!?"
"Sounds like the dude is getting free rent, discounted everything else, and still wants more."
"What does he actually do for you in the relationship? Does he help cook and clean or share more expenses?"
"If he has a full-time job, he should be able to afford a dang gaming computer at almost 30 with not a ton of bills to pay. Then he throws a hissy misogynistic fit? Nah, I wouldn't have it." - danigirl866
"An independently wealthy girl with a full-time job who loves video games? You can definitely do better." - Publius246
"Your BF is taking advantage of you:"
"You own the apartment. You pay for the maid. Now he wants you to buy him a computer?"
"You should split the cost of the maid, he should pay rent, and he should save for his own computer."
"NTA." - Coco_Dirichlet
"That's cruel, and he's acting incredibly selfish. He's essentially punishing you, the person he 'loves' for improving their own life and environment."
"Sure, jealousy is a crappy feeling to have but his actions indicate he values material things over you, OP."
"It's worth taking the gift of silence he's giving you to reevaluate your relationship. Since you seem to do SO MUCH more, think about how he helps and contributes to your life and home equally, how he normally argues, takes blame, and responsibility. You're younger but are clearly the responsible adult here. You deserve someone more aligned to you and mature, NTA."
"Also, he's taking advantage of you and your wealth. Consider changing the locks or having him move out before he can claim common law and therefore half of your home and other assets. Hopefully, you have it separate and untouchable, since he clearly already feels entitled to your money and lifestyle."
"That's what I'd do just to be safe, even if you decide the whole picture we don't see is worth staying for. Good luck!" - AdventurousFormq
After receiving feedback from the subReddit, the OP shared an unfortunate update.
"It's 11 PM here right now, and I am kinda shocked at everything that happened today. I made the original post in the morning before I left for work."
"While I was at work, I received an alert from my security system. I checked my front door cam and saw my boyfriend at the door, walking in with his key."
"Something didn't feel right, so I checked the camera in our game room (we set it up months ago when he wanted us to do streams)."
"I had set it up in the morning before leaving just in case. Now I feel so much better that I did."
"I saw him trying to unplug my monitor, and I immediately called the police."
"By the time I reached my home, 2 officers were waiting outside my door with my boyfriend."
"He claimed that he was just at the apartment to get some stuff, like clothes and other essentials."
"I had no energy to argue, so I just showed the camera footage, and he started apologizing."
"He went on and on about how his friends riled him up to steal my system to 'teach me a lesson.'"
That was the final straw for their relationship.
"What bothers me the most is that all this while, he hadn't texted me once. Not a single call or anything, his first instinct was to break into my apartment."
"The cops asked me if I wanted to press charges and I said no. I know most of you will not be happy with this, but I kind of want to be done with this thing."
"I asked for my key back and told him that I will send his PC and other stuff to whatever address he wants later, but I don't want him or his friends to come over, and if I receive a single accusatory text from him or friends, then I will go ahead and press charges."
"He kept trying to apologize but I stood my ground. I'm genuinely surprised at how I didn't break down in front of him. I'm still in disbelief at how my 4-year-long relationship just crumbled in 24 hours."
"I called my mom and she's on her way to my place. She will be staying the night as I no longer feel safe in my own home."
"I just wanted to thank everyone who texted me and gave me advice. I am taking the day off tomorrow, and I will be changing the locks and sending him his stuff back tomorrow."
What should have been a fun occasion with upgrading a home office gaming system quickly turned into a whirlwind of jealousy, entitlement, and an ended relationship.
While the subReddit could picture the OP buying a second, matching system for her boyfriend for all those cute TikTok videos they would inevitably make, that would only work if the circumstances were right.
Since the boyfriend's impulse reactions were to be angry, call his girlfriend of four years names, and break into her home, the circumstances absolutely were not "right."
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.