When we have the funds to do it, sometimes it’s nice to do something fun for ourselves, especially when we’ve been putting off the purchase for a while.
But some people might look on and be jealous that the money wasn’t somehow spent on them, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor gamergirlaita had wanted a new gaming system for her office and finally decided to make the big purchase.
But when her boyfriend said she was too dumb to really appreciate what she’d bought, the Original Poster (OP) was shocked by his pettiness.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for not buying a new PC for my boyfriend?”
The OP recently started living with her boyfriend.
“I (24 Female) live with my boyfriend (27 Male). We have been dating for 4 years, and living together for 8 months.”
“We live in an apartment I inherited along with one more other house that I rent out and some cash inheritance.”
“We also have a maid who cleans (who I pay for), we cook our own breakfasts (different working times in the morning), and we alternate dinner duties.”
“My boyfriend and I both love playing video games. We both have full-time jobs but still, find time to play together as well as seperately with our own friends. He is a much better player than I am, he plays in tournaments and competitions whereas I just play for fun.”
The OP’s boyfriend was talking about upgrading his gaming setup.
“A few months ago, my boyfriend started talking about some new PC and other items he wanted to upgrade his set up and how he was saving up for it.”
“I was okay with it since we have separate finances.”
“He doesn’t pay for the utilities but splits groceries, which wasn’t an issue because I had extra income from the rental property.”
The OP decided to upgrade her own first, using inheritance money.
“I thought I could use my inheritance money and get myself an expensive set upgrade as well.”
“I took suggestions from YouTube and some friends.”
“I scheduled the delivery for the day that I knew he won’t be home all day. The setup came, and they sent someone from the store to set it up for me.”
“I used the PC for a while and it was amazing.”
The OP’s boyfriend did not have the reaction she was expecting.
“My boyfriend came home during the evening and saw my new PC. I was so excited to see his reaction but his face remained very dull.”
“He looked at me and asked why it was on my side of the room.”
“I told him it was because it’s mine.”
“He asked me to confirm that I bought his dream PC setup for myself, and I said yes.”
“He got visibly mad, but then said, ‘It’s useless for you, we should just swap, you don’t play well and won’t be able to use it to its full potential, you can have mine.'”
“At first, I just laughed, because I genuinely thought he was joking. But when I realized he was being serious, I told him no. I said that I bought this for myself.”
“He blew up at me and told me that I need to buy the same one for him as well.”
“When I said no again, he started yelling about how unfair I was being and how I wouldn’t be able to appreciate technology like that since I am too dumb to even understand the specs.”
“By that point, I was losing my s**t, so I told him to get out.”
The situation escalated.
“He grabbed a few items and left to stay with his best friend.”
“Now his best friend and a few other friends are blowing up my phone, saying that as a girl, I shouldn’t own something so expensive that I don’t understand.”
“They also said I could buy him the same setup since I can afford it due to the inheritance.”
“I don’t have any loans so it’s not like I am saving the money for something particular in the future, which is making me doubt if I was the a**hole?”
The OP clarified that the gaming system she selected was purely an accident.
“To everyone saying that it’s kind of my fault for buying the exact same setup he told me about and flaunting it in his face, I do understand your point and take responsibility for it, but he never really mentioned any specific models.”
“Like he would say how ‘This brand has launched some really powerful items in the past few years,’ or how ‘That brand has such amazing monitors.'”
“I did know the brands he was referring to, but when it came to purchasing, I depended on YouTube reviews and suggestions from my gaming friends. It was purely a coincidence that it happened to be exactly what he wanted.”
“I do understand that I should have been maybe more aware, but I genuinely didn’t know that it would offend him since I wasn’t doing it out of spite.”
“If anything, at the back of my mind, I had thoughts like we could have twin setups eventually and make cheesy TikTok videos on weekends.”
But the OP felt increasingly more conflicted about her relationship.
“The only reason I’m questioning myself here is that, even if accidentally, I did buy the equipment that he has been wanting for months.”
” And I can afford to buy another setup but it felt right to buy him one for no reason.”
“I feel bad because we have been together for years, but the more I think about it, the more red flags I see.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the boyfriend should have been happy for the OP.
“Are you still sure you want to be with this kind of person? Instead of being happy for you, he throw a hissy fit and resorted to misogynistic comments. He clearly doesn’t respect you despite getting a lot from you. What does he provide for you?” – egulsagedli
“You sound crazy asking if you’re TAH. Free rent. Free maid. Free utilities. And he also expects you to either give him you’re brand new PC or buy him one??”
“Of course his friends have his back, they want to help him milk you as much as possible before you realize you deserve better. He did the worst possible thing to himself by leaving, giving you space to see things clearly. Take him leaving for the blessing that it is.”
“Change the locks. Drop the rest of his things off at his friend’s, and then block/delete/unfriend him and his friends. Appreciate the relationship for the good times and the lessons you learned and love onto the next chapter, find a guy who respects and appreciates you.” – NonaOrganic
“He turned all his friends into flying monkeys to harass her! Dump this AH as he should have been happy for you getting new equipment.” – MidwestNormal
“My wife and I are like you and him (only in the sense that we game), and as an IT tech, if my wife buys/builds a PC with amazing specs without my help, I would be so proud of her, like ‘D**n, girl, you did good research!'”
“If you follow the advice of everyone else and dump him, send him daily videos of you using the PC to play Minesweeper while constantly yelling, ‘FULL POTENTIAL!'” – mcast46
Others thought that the boyfriend was using the OP and needed to leave.
“NTA. Seriously, in 2022, they’re still saying girls can’t handle equipment or are too dumb to understand!?”
“Sounds like the dude is getting free rent, discounted everything else, and still wants more.”
“What does he actually do for you in the relationship? Does he help cook and clean or share more expenses?”
“If he has a full-time job, he should be able to afford a dang gaming computer at almost 30 with not a ton of bills to pay. Then he throws a hissy misogynistic fit? Nah, I wouldn’t have it.” – danigirl866
“An independently wealthy girl with a full-time job who loves video games? You can definitely do better.” – Publius246
“Your BF is taking advantage of you:”
“You own the apartment. You pay for the maid. Now he wants you to buy him a computer?”
“You should split the cost of the maid, he should pay rent, and he should save for his own computer.”
“NTA.” – Coco_Dirichlet
“That’s cruel, and he’s acting incredibly selfish. He’s essentially punishing you, the person he ‘loves’ for improving their own life and environment.”
“Sure, jealousy is a crappy feeling to have but his actions indicate he values material things over you, OP.”
“It’s worth taking the gift of silence he’s giving you to reevaluate your relationship. Since you seem to do SO MUCH more, think about how he helps and contributes to your life and home equally, how he normally argues, takes blame, and responsibility. You’re younger but are clearly the responsible adult here. You deserve someone more aligned to you and mature, NTA.”
“Also, he’s taking advantage of you and your wealth. Consider changing the locks or having him move out before he can claim common law and therefore half of your home and other assets. Hopefully, you have it separate and untouchable, since he clearly already feels entitled to your money and lifestyle.”
“That’s what I’d do just to be safe, even if you decide the whole picture we don’t see is worth staying for. Good luck!” – AdventurousFormq
After receiving feedback from the subReddit, the OP shared an unfortunate update.
“It’s 11 PM here right now, and I am kinda shocked at everything that happened today. I made the original post in the morning before I left for work.”
“While I was at work, I received an alert from my security system. I checked my front door cam and saw my boyfriend at the door, walking in with his key.”
“Something didn’t feel right, so I checked the camera in our game room (we set it up months ago when he wanted us to do streams).”
“I had set it up in the morning before leaving just in case. Now I feel so much better that I did.”
“I saw him trying to unplug my monitor, and I immediately called the police.”
“By the time I reached my home, 2 officers were waiting outside my door with my boyfriend.”
“He claimed that he was just at the apartment to get some stuff, like clothes and other essentials.”
“I had no energy to argue, so I just showed the camera footage, and he started apologizing.”
“He went on and on about how his friends riled him up to steal my system to ‘teach me a lesson.'”
That was the final straw for their relationship.
“What bothers me the most is that all this while, he hadn’t texted me once. Not a single call or anything, his first instinct was to break into my apartment.”
“The cops asked me if I wanted to press charges and I said no. I know most of you will not be happy with this, but I kind of want to be done with this thing.”
“I asked for my key back and told him that I will send his PC and other stuff to whatever address he wants later, but I don’t want him or his friends to come over, and if I receive a single accusatory text from him or friends, then I will go ahead and press charges.”
“He kept trying to apologize but I stood my ground. I’m genuinely surprised at how I didn’t break down in front of him. I’m still in disbelief at how my 4-year-long relationship just crumbled in 24 hours.”
“I called my mom and she’s on her way to my place. She will be staying the night as I no longer feel safe in my own home.”
“I just wanted to thank everyone who texted me and gave me advice. I am taking the day off tomorrow, and I will be changing the locks and sending him his stuff back tomorrow.”
What should have been a fun occasion with upgrading a home office gaming system quickly turned into a whirlwind of jealousy, entitlement, and an ended relationship.
While the subReddit could picture the OP buying a second, matching system for her boyfriend for all those cute TikTok videos they would inevitably make, that would only work if the circumstances were right.
Since the boyfriend’s impulse reactions were to be angry, call his girlfriend of four years names, and break into her home, the circumstances absolutely were not “right.”