Whether we want to show them to other people or not, we all have at least one sentimental item that we hold close, like a stuffed animal, photograph, or piece of jewelry. These usually remind us of especially fond memories or a person who was important to us.
When a romantic partner discovers these special items, them being critical of the items honestly should be a red flag, reasoned the people in the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor MeiMystique had a special stuffed animal rabbit that her grandmother had given her when she was young, and it was the only item from her grandmother that she had.
When her boyfriend openly criticized her for keeping the rabbit, called her ‘childish,’ and even suggested decluttering the ‘disgusting old toy,’ the Original Poster (OP) began to second-guess the relationship.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to give up my childhood stuffed animal, even though it makes my boyfriend uncomfortable?”
The OP had a stuffed rabbit named Clover who was very sentimental to her.
“I (23 Female) have had a stuffed rabbit named Clover since I was born.”
“My grandmother gave him to me the day I came home from the hospital, and he’s the only physical thing I have left of her since she passed away when I was 10.”
“Clover isn’t in the best shape; his fur is matted, and he’s missing an eye, but I love him dearly.”
The OP’s boyfriend, Jake, made fun of her for keeping Clover.
“Here’s where the issue comes in. My boyfriend, Jake (25 Male), recently moved in with me, and he hates that I sleep with Clover.”
“He says it’s ‘childish’ and ‘weird for an adult to be so attached to a stuffed animal.'”
“I told him Clover isn’t just a toy to me; he’s sentimental.”
“But Jake keeps making little comments, hiding Clover when he makes the bed, and ‘accidentally’ knocking him onto the floor.”
To the OP’s horror, Jake even attempted to declutter Clover.
“A few nights ago, Jake told me it was time to ‘grow up’ and get rid of Clover.”
“I told him flat-out that wasn’t happening.”
“He got frustrated and said it was embarrassing, and what would people think if they knew I still slept with a stuffed animal?”
“That set me off. I told him that if he was so concerned with what people thought, maybe he should date someone without emotions.”
“Now he’s been giving me the cold shoulder, saying I’m prioritizing a ‘dirty old toy’ over our relationship.”
“My best friend is on my side, but my sister said she kind of gets where Jake is coming from.”
“AITAH for keeping Clover?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
It sounded to some Redditors like Jake was the one who needed to grow up, not the OP.
“Godd**n, does Clover owe Jake money or something?! If a stuffed rabbit is his breaking point, perhaps it’s Jake who should grow up and stop being a b***h about it. He can sleep on the couch, and Clover can have his spot.” – 105bydesign
“Sorry not sorry, he can keep his cold shoulder! If anybody’s acting childish, it’s him! Keep the rabbit, lose the boyfriend!” – LunaPerry1980
“If the OP has to hide cherished items from her partner, I’d suggest the OP seriously reconsider their relationship. It is not about the soft toy. It’s about empathy and respect and what the bunny symbolizes.”
“That said, the OP should definitely hide her bunny while her ex-boyfriend moves out, so he cannot do anything to Clover, like get rid of him or pack him up in his stuff as a final surge of vengeance.” – ClevelandWomble
“This is not about Clover. It is about control.”
“OP… you are really deciding if you want to control your own life.”
“Tell your boyfriend you appreciate his input, but Clover stays. No need to bring it up again.”
“If he brings it up… then you know it is about control, not about what makes you happy, and brings back fond memories.”
“Direct your life as you choose.” – SeaLake4150
“Please hide Clover. My stuffed rabbits disappeared during my first marriage.”
“OP, a person who genuinely loves you will love the things that make you feel good. They won’t make you feel bad about having things that bring you comfort and joy.”
“My cousin had a threadbare stuffed bunny that her late father bought in the hospital gift shop the day she was born. Her boyfriend kept b***hing about how grungy it looked and belittled her for keeping it.”
“One day while she was at work, he did some ‘deep cleaning’ and threw Herkimer the Rabbit away and wanted her to thank him for ushering her into adulthood.”
“When he came home from work the next day, he found the locks changed and all of his clothing and gaming equipment and a bunch of collectible figurines in the courtyard where they accidentally fell from the third story window, LOL.” – celticmusebooks
Others told the OP to kick Jake out and to put Clover somewhere safe until Jake was gone.
“Sleep on the couch for now, and hide Clover. He can sleep in some other building after he moves out of the apartment with her. He sounds like a controlling loser.” – Otherwise-Drama631
“I really hope OP hides/locks Clover away somewhere safe until Jake is gone.”
“If she doesn’t, I will bet you any amount of money that Clover will ‘go missing’ (as in, Jake will rip him up and/or throw him away).”
“This boy is too insecure, immature, and controlling to be in a healthy adult relationship.” – GothicGingerbread
“This reminds me of this ex-boyfriend who totally destroyed his girlfriend’s plants and threw them all in a river over jealousy.”
“I am still mad about that. She was a gentle soul who loved her precious plant room, and he destroyed it all, driving the plants to a pond in the NEW TRUCK she was paying for because, boo hoo, he was going through a tough time financially.”
“That guy can f**k off for forever. I hate this Jake dude, too. Get over it or get the f**k out of my house!!”
“These men are massive red flags, and I wouldn’t put up with that disrespect to my belongings at all, no matter how silly they think the attachment is.”
“She should hide Clover until he is gone.” – Nikbot10
“My first thought was that he’s going to end up destroying Clover.”
“My second thought was that I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect me and who I couldn’t trust.”
“OP, you’re not prioritizing a toy (however important he may be). You’re prioritizing your boundaries.” – c00kiesd00m
“I’ve seen stories that people have gotten rid of someone’s stuff because it makes them that ‘uncomfortable.’ OP needs Jake gone to keep Clover around and safe.” – IIIAcanthocephala420
A few Redditors shared examples of how partners treated each other’s prized possessions.
“He’s going to ‘lose’ Clover or outright trash him. A real boyfriend would get him professionally cleaned and repaired, with your knowledge and consent.”
“Dump the immature closer boyfriend.” – Puppiesmommy
“For my first birthday after moving in with my college boyfriend, I got off work and came home to find he’d dry-cleaned my stuffed cat, sewed on new whiskers himself, bought him a little bowtie, and had him posed with one paw resting on a card and the other holding a balloon.”
“I married the h**l out of that guy.” – BistitchualBeekeeper
“NTA. It’s a sentimental stuffed toy that means a lot to you. Whatever his problem is, he needs to get over it or leave.”
“I had something similar and it was a stuffed cow. My grandfather bought it for me and gave it to me when I was two or three.”
“To this day, I still have it. My husband even paid to have it professionally cleaned because it lived in a house with smokers until I could move out.”
“He made it a shelf in our bedroom where it sits.”
“Look for a man like that, not the one you have.” – Creepy-Stable-6192
“My husband has a stuffed elephant from when he was a baby but wasn’t able to bring it with him when he moved in with me, so I crocheted a new one for him.”
“His mom came to visit recently and brought his old elephant, and now he has two, and I love seeing them in our bedroom.”
“Your partner shouldn’t be disgusted by your little loves. If anything, they should experience some of the same joy, knowing that they bring you joy.” – GalacticPurr
“I’m 35 and have a bunny I also grew up with from an uncle who passed when I was very young.”
“My partner bought me a giant dragon I cuddle when he’s away, and my bestie gave me a stuffed Ponyo that comes with me to my hospital visits due to chronic illnesses. And I have a stuffed Llama that I bought for myself after my first long and severe hospital visit. He’s my No Drama Llama, because when I have drama, he has none.”
“Your partner is immature, disrespectful, and prefers to dictate his life, yours, and your relationship based upon external expectations of society, and fear of judgment from people that shouldn’t have any impact upon your relationship.”
“If he truly loved you and accepted you as you are, he wouldn’t shame you, judge you, control you, and dismiss your own needs, wants, and what is important to you, and how you cope to feel safe and connected to past loved ones.”
“Be careful, he knocks Clover on the floor and hides him. The next step here is throwing him out ‘by accident.'”
“I’d highly recommend you end the relationship if he can’t see your perspective, and is unable to practice compassion, curiosity, and acceptance of who you are.” – Pixatron32
Decluttering is an important, life-changing movement that’s really popular right now among those who would like to live with less, but the items that usually leave the home are extra pots, pans, and clothes.
The idea of a person being disgusted by an item that comforted their partner, and inspired them to think of fond memories, is alarming, and honestly, it sounds more important to declutter the partner than to declutter the “questionable” sentimental item.