Some people cut off their former partners after the relationship is over, and some maintain a friendship. But how that affects new romances can also vary.
On Reddit, throwawaybodyshaming was trying to navigate her two-year relationship with her boyfriend, even with his ex still being involved in his life. However, the ex’s comments kept getting on the original poster (OP)’s nerves.
When she snapped, OP was left wondering if she took it too far. To figure it out, she asked for perspective from the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
The question asked was:
“AITA for ‘bodyshaming’ my boyfriend’s ex?”
A lot of details were masked since her boyfriend is active on the forum:
“My (25F[emale]) boyfriend’s (23M[ale]) ex (25F) loves criticizing my body.”
“One of the things she can’t get over is that he ‘downgraded” from her to me, physically speaking. Which honestly I don’t get, because while our faces and skin tones are totally different, we have a very similar build.”
“The difference is I like to work out and she doesn’t, so I look muscular.”
“Still, she constantly attacks my body to anybody who will listen, and while it doesn’t get to me, it’s annoying to me and my mutual friends and acquaintances. She has almost become friendless due to this.”
“As things started reopening and I moved houses, I found a new workout studio that I loved, and I started going there and have been for about 6 months. Guess who went there two days ago for a try out class?”
“Yes, the ex, along with a friend/cousin/idk. During the class she was struggling, and ended up passing out halfway the class. We helped her out and when we finished she was outside laying down.”
“When her friend got out, they proceeded to openly criticize the place, and put ME as an example of not wanting to be built like a linebacker by doing this type of exercise.”
“To which I snapped and told her to look herself in the mirror before criticizing me, and that in any case we were both built like linebackers but that her, unlike me, can’t back it up with her fitness level.”
“I added that she’s a grown woman and that she’s acting like a bratty child, and she should consider getting a hobby that took her time so she finds another productive thing to do besides criticizing me and being salty about a relationship that has been going strong for more than two years. She proceeded to cry and storm out of the place.”
“I thought that was the end of it and my coach, friends and family were on my side saying she had it coming, but my boyfriend is beyond pissed saying I ruined his image of ‘being the bigger person’ and that I bodyshamed her, and should know better since I recovered from an ED. It’s been two days and my boyfriend won’t talk to me unless I apologize but I don’t want to.”
“I guess I’m just looking for validation? Idk, AITA?”
On the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit people explain their situation and their reaction and are judged based on what they do or in this case, are considering.
This is done by fellow users who include one of the following in their comment:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The commenters agreed that OP was not the AH in this situation, but couldn’t understand why her BF was acting like this.
“I would say NTA. You’ve been putting up with her sh** for years and finally snapped. Maybe you didn’t confront her in the best possible way, but you’ve been ‘the bigger person’ for years to someone who cant seem to get over the fact that her ex is, and has been, dating someone else.”
“Let me tell you, I’m in a workout class that I also love, but its HARD. You cant fault her for passing out, but she seemed to put that fault on you, again attacking YOU for HER not being able to handle it. This time for being better at something than her, it sounds like.”
“Long story short, I personally cant blame you for finally snapping. I would too. And no matter what anyone says, everyone has their breaking point. NTA”
“Ps, why hasnt your bf ever confronted her about her constantly talking sh** about you??” – kaetertot
“It’s the same excuse always, that he is the bigger person and won’t engage her because that’s stooping to her level. And also, he says I’m a strong person and can take everything.” – throwawaybodyshaming (OP)
“NTA. You didn’t body shame her. Your bf is AH for letting her get away with saying such things about you and worrying about his image.” – ImpressiveCollar5811
“Now that everyone is pointing it out, it has been like this since before we started dating. I waited months before going public in order to not hurt her feelings.” – throwawaybodyshaming (OP)
“NTA. She likes dishing it out but can’t take receiving. If you value your unsupportive strangely attached to his ex, wimp of a boyfriend then give her a passive aggressive faux apology and continue with your life.”
“It’s not over though. She’s going to be even worse now.” – No_Sail_3997
Others had questions about the ex-girlfriend and her relationship with OP’s BF.
“NTA, but like why is she still in the picture? how are you able to know what she says about you prior of your class?
“If BF is in contact with her it’s time to burn that bridge. if your friends are telling you this it may be time to tell them to no longer include you on the sh!t talking. let her be miserable in her own world.” – geminibee
“We have a lot of mutual friends, that she drove away slowly from only talking about me and my bf. She also blasts me on social media an keeps creating new accounts to harass me. I keep blocking but she keeps popping up. :(” – throwawaybodyshaming (OP)
“Info: why is your boyfriends ex still in his life?” – anguspatrol
“Supposedly she is not? He is pissed just because he got out of the relationship as the ‘good’ one, and I’m damaging that image.” – throwawaybodyshaming (OP)
“If you’ve been together for two years that sounds like bs no offense. Even if it’s not if you’re on a pedestal where you can’t do anything because it’ll change his ‘image’ of you that’s still a problem.”
“Hes known you for two years, he should already know what kind of person you are that this somehow destroying everything seems ridiculous.” – Imaginary_Cow_6379
“Yeah, now that people are pointing it out I think it’s more than obvious that something is going on :(” – throwawaybodyshaming (OP)
OP eventually updated on the situation in an edit to the original post:
“EDIT: I read all of your comments and I am seeing a lot of red flags in my relationship that I hadn’t noticed before. It’s hard because my boyfriend has the reputation of being liked by everyone and being a super good guy.”
“I sent him a message saying that I want to talk to him tomorrow about the future of this relationship and his relationship with her, which was enough to make him go from the silent treatment he was giving me to panicking because I may leave.”
“I also didn’t apologize to the ex. I may have been an AH but honestly at the end of the day she had it coming in a way, and this is a direct consequence of my boyfriend not putting an end to this. It’s his ex, not mine.”
Maybe now OP’s boyfriend will learn a lesson about supporting his girlfriend instead of his ex.