19-year-old Redditor ThrowRAmylifeisamess and her boyfriend were both virgins who "messed around" one night.
But things headed south when her 20-year-old boyfriend made a bizarre accusation the following day.
Not knowing how to respond, she turned to the Relationship Advice subReddit for help.
The Original Poster (OP) wrote:
"My boyfriend thinks I'm gaslighting him cos nothing comes out my boobs when I'm horny."
She explained:
"Honestly my life is a f*king mess. My boyfriend is a bit of a loner but it's never really been a problem before."
"We both love video games and to him I'm quite a catch because 'it's not often you find a pretty girl who likes games,' now that statement can be taken a lot of different ways but it looks like a compliment to me so..."
"Most of his life experiences come from the internet which is fine I guess but he really doesn't have that balance, since we started dating I've been dragging him around with me and taking him to try new things."
"We've had a couple obstacles, period of time where he spent literally no attention to me and just played video games (that ended in March, thank god) and convincing him that smelling nice isn't just a capitalist scheme, lol."
"So I was ready to lose my virginity to this guy, I really love him and overall he's an amazing guy, he was also a virgin so we were comfortable to just mess around."
"The next day he's all stand offish and pissed at me, I ask why and he asks me if I was just pretending to be into it last night."
"I say no, I was wet you saw that, I love you etc... and this, god I'm so f*king pissed about this, he says you're lying, if you were actually horny MILK would come out your boobs."
"I just can't f*king express how goddamn infuriating, awful angry idk I just, that? seriously?"
"Like he'd never really been 'in' reality or whatever but dude for f*ks sake, I'm in a stunned silence and He's like, 'guess its true if you have nothing to say, I thought you weren't like other women but you're all the same, I thought you loved me blah blah f*king blah'."
"And [I don't know] (idk), like it's like I have the man I love and then I have this bumbling idiot who I also have to deal with and it's just sh**ty."
"Evidently he's only experienced sex from porn, never thought it out of the ordinary cos he'd never talked to girls and only has brothers, additionally people he used to roleplay with would do [only watch hentai] too, so he took it as fact."
"I tried so hard to explain but it was like talking to a brick wall, he claimed that I was gaslighting him, that I'm an abusive girlfriend, I'm gonna cheat on him and he was upset, he truly believed that I was this evil f*king bitch."
"We haven't talked, we've both been crying, his friends are all yesmen. I think they may have convinced him that this stupid thing was a fact because he wasn't chatting with them as much, they didn't like me, so it's not that hard to believe."
"I was that bigoted outsider in their eyes who was flexing on them by going for walks and joining clubs I guess."
"He always seemed to brush off their remarks though."
"I'm stuck, this is just so stupid, so ridiculous, I don't want my first relationship to end because my boyfriend was surprised that I'm not one of his hentai girls."
"I love every part of him besides his obliviousness, and seeing him look me in the eye like I've stabbed him, say that I'm a dirty cheater because of his stupid porn addiction just hurts."
"I'm pissed and upset and angry and I hate that I'm hating him right now, it's just such a stupid f*king idea, like why the f*k would I lactate during sex?"
"I want the boyfriend I love back and dumping him cos liquid didnt dribble out my boobs is just embarrassing."
Redditors were equally confounded after reading the OP's post.
But they were pretty clear in their advice.
"Uh... how stupid do you want your kids to be? Assuming he even knows that orgasming with his penis inside a vagina is how babies are made. Probably not though."
"Run. Run for the hills. Jesus f*k this guy is dumb."
"It's not just that he believes something untrue, but that he's doubling down on it when he has the entire goddamn internet available to tell him he's fucking wrong. He's being willfully and intentionally dumber than a goddamn fence post." – Alert-Potato
People were astounded that a specific type of animated pornography (hentai) was her boyfriend's sex ed.
Does he know tentacles aren't part of most relationships?
"Of course he knows that orgasming inside her is a thing! But he is probably confused and wondering why her abdomen didn't become transparent so he could see himself as he orgasmed in though! lol" – the_fuzzy_duckling
"He has the ability to find out for himself if women lactate when they are horny or orgasm."
"Yeah there's hentai and lots of bullsh*t on the internet, but there are many reputable sites he could check out where he could get that information."
"He is choosing not to avail himself of it."
"He had a choice between a). verifying what you told him to see for himself if it was true, and b). deciding you're a cheating whore who's going out of her way to gaslight him."
"He is waaaay too willing to believe the worst of you at the drop of a hat; that's not someone you want to be in a relationship with." – cp2895
"If he wasn't an incel before, he certainly is now, because I can guarantee that's the LAST time this dude is gonna have sex in his life unless he drastically changes his man-child personality." – Lightshade393
"EEEEEEZZZZ. It's like a wannabe incel situation."
"Could you ask him to just read literally anything about how lactation works?"
"And then probs leave this dude, sounds like a c*nt." – Aloise500
"Naw it's not an incel. He's voluntarily celibate because he actively rejected sex."
"He's just an idiot." – personalaccountforme
"I'm so sorry this has happened to you, but honestly you have dodged a bullet."
"His reaction of 'you're just like all of them' is alarming and it gave me horrible flashbacks to my emotionally abusive ex husband. I spent so much time proving myself that I got married and stayed with him for 6 YEARS, and it didn't matter."
"That kind of thought process is toxic. You will be sad, but you will be okay."
"You will find someone who likes you for you, and you won't have to prove anything to them. Best of luck." – airbagfailure
But then the OP returned with a series of updates.
"The overwhelming verdict is leave him. I guess, I'll sleep on it."
But then he decided matters for her...
"He blew this way out of proportion and he broke up with me. Thanks anyway guys but I guess I don't need relationship advice seeing as I'm not in one."
"I'm just gonna go to my best friend's place. Bye."
...to which some Redditors responded...
"After seeing that he ended things, I hope that it may give you some consolation to know that at some point in the future he's likely to find out the truth about when, how, and why women lactate."
"And he's going to feel like incredibly sh*tty about himself for f'king things up through his stupidity. Just enjoy knowing that one day, this day will hurt him too." – Alert-Potato
...and she came back with a joke from her sister...
"I had to add this because it cheered me up a little . My sister said that there is a trinity of getting wet, no-ones ever seen two of them, but we still believe they are there."
"(If you don't get the joke she was comparing God and the Holy Spirit—not seen—to each nipple getting wet). It's insensitive but I'm honestly at the end of my thread and I really need some sh**ty jokes (besides my ex boyfriend) in my life."
"If anyone has any ideas on why he did this in particular, tell me cos closure would be nice."
...but a final update changed everything...
"I HAVE TEA MYDUDES. I'm still upset, honestly relationship was very mixed and I don't know how long it'll take for me to get over him. He's blocked me on everything so that's half the work done I guess."
"I had some grief sex with my best girl friend last night ( apparently I'm bi now) and everything's going really fast."
...and now she's not sure what to expect in her new relationship.
"[I don't know] what to feel. She's liked me for a really long time but being straight out of a relationship she doesn't want to be my rebound so she said she'll wait for me before she asks me out I guess?"
"I have no f*king clue what's happening in my life. I've got literally no time to just think."
"Really, I thought it would take forever to find someone who cares for me again but it took about 5 hours so IDK what's happening anymore."
"My life is f*king mess guys."
Overall, Redditors were relieved she and her misinformed ex-boyfriend were no longer together. As for her latest developments, Redditors haven't weighed in.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.