A woman upset by her boyfriend’s jokes turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for some clarity.
Redditor KRokOEyey asked:
“AITA for finding my [boyfriend’s] ‘jokes’ about my body disturbing?”
“Before Christmas I fell and broke my hip, nothing extreme because I’m young but still had to have a surgery and till February I only moved to perform rehabilitative exercises. Then pandemic happened and I wasn’t able to do anything.”
“Which made me grumpy as I’m used to at least walk a lot. Finally, 2 months ago I was allowed to start slow pilates sessions and also yoga.”
“I don’t think I gained that much weight but definitely lost some definition abs-wise as I’d been used to work out frequently. Frankly I was scared shitless of gaining weight as I had an eating disorder when I was younger and occasionally I get either concerned about my weight or concerned about being concerned about my weight.”
Despite gaining some weight, the Original Poster (OP) was surprisingly fine with it.
“Surprisingly I’m almost proud of myself because not only I managed to get my ol’ good bone moving again, but I also didn’t have problems with having a bit of tummy. That was until my boyfriend (bf) started to joke about me being a bit fluffy.”
“He knows about my past problems with food so I assumed it was a weird slip-up. Then he did it again and again and again.”
“Telling me I wouldn’t fit into my slacks after eating an ice-cream. Or that I looked like I was preggars.”
The OP was clearly bother by her boyfriend’s attempts at humor.
“Initially I told him my trouser’s size hadn’t changed and he should google pregnant women to see what they looked like. He shrugged it off as a joke, so did I till I found myself doing some weird things I did when I was ill (playing with food instead of eating, trying to count calories, watching myself in mirror etc.) and hadn’t done them for 3 years, at least.”
“So next time he made another ‘quip’ I got angry and asked him to never comment on my body again even if I gained weight and had an arse of a horse he should be happy I was able to walk.”
Her boyfriend did not take being confronted well.
“He told me to calm down and that he wasn’t aware ‘I lost my sense of humor back on the operating table’.”
“I’m now confused af, don’t know whether I was being a jerk back then or if it was all ‘real’ and I even start to think about apologizing.”
Redditors were asked to decide if the OP was:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors gave the OP a unanimous NTA response.
“You are definitely NTA. Your boyfriend knows you had an eating disorder and thinks it’s ok to make jokes about your weight?”
“Then tries to gaslight you into apologizing when you rightfully get upset?He’s a big time a-hole and this is a giant red flag.” ~ maceocat
“NTA. A joke is supposed to be funny, not mean. As soon as someone has to clarify that they’re joking, the jokes gone too far.”
“Be forceful, your mental and physical health is worth more than he’s terrible attempts at humor. It’s worth more than the relationship he’s tearing down by tearing you down.” ~ kowboy42
“He’s gaslighting you. There is no excuse for him to comment on your body when he knows you’ve had eating disorders.”
“He knows this and that’s why his comment shifts the blame to you. NTA.
“Please examine this relationship and be sure it’s what you want. Talk to him about this and make sure he realizes how firm of a boundary this is for you.”
“If he passes those boundaries, you may need to walk away.” ~ anxietycampaign
The OP came back to provide an update.
“Big thanks to all of you for ‘saving’ my sanity, I decided to talk to my boyfriend about the whole situation right now and the outcome wasn’t positive – he didn’t understand why those remarks should be harmful if I was ‘over’ my anorexia phase.”
“Furthermore, when telling him nobody gets over ED he suggested I was lying to him when I’d told him I was okay. Which was for me the last drop.”
“We broke up and I’m going to bond with my hip again, lol. ([Not going to lie] I’m sad; we’ve been together for 2 years)”
“Also to everyone who suffers from ED, good luck, watch out for stupid people and always put yourself first! To anybody who’s experienced broken hips – it sucks.”
“Thanks again, you are all very kind (except this one guy who messaged me about not being attractive anymore, he sucks almost as broken bones).”
So it seems she got rid of some dead weight in her life already in the form of her insensitive boyfriend. It sounds like she’ll be much better off without him.