Being late is a really big deal for some people.
There are those humans who suffer heart palpitations at the thought of being “on time” and not a few minutes early.
And then there are people who view time as just “an idea.”
This has been an eternal struggle.
Case in point…
Redditor throwatw5573322 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for leaving for an event without my G[irl]F[riend]?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (26 M[ale]) GF (25 F[emale]) takes hours to get ready.”
“Her hair is very untamable and that alone takes her more than an hour to fix.”
“Yesterday we went to a friend’s surprise 30th birthday party who I’ve known my entire life.”
“He was going to show up around 8 p.m.”
“We were expected to be there by then.”
“Even though I repeatedly asked her to start getting dressed hours before the event, she still somehow only started curling her hair at 7:30.”
“I told her I was leaving, she could either tie up her hair and leave with me now or just show up to the party by herself later.”
“She didn’t budge and just whined till I got in the car and left.”
“At the party, her parents asked me where she was.”
“I told them she was still getting dressed.”
“The surprise was fantastic.”
“Everyone was having a good time and my GF shows up at 8:30.”
“On the way home, she called me immature not only for leaving her but also for telling her parents she was late because she was getting dressed.”
“According to her, as a couple, we are a team and instead of nagging her to get dressed faster and ‘complaining’ to her parents, I should have just patiently waited and told everyone we were late because of traffic.
“It sounds incredibly stupid to me but I wanted a second opinion.”
“Was I the A**hole?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA, if she wanted to be a ‘team,’ she should have been a ‘team player’ and started getting ready earlier.”
“It’s a surprise party, so being on time is important, not to mention it’s the polite thing to do.”
‘Nobody likes the a**hole who comes walking in with the person who the surprise party was for.” ~ Bonnm42
“NTA. We have a couple of people in the family that we need to give a fake earlier time for them to be there.”
“It’s mostly when it’s an important gathering, like meeting at a place that needs a reservation.” ~Tolianie
“I used to do this with my dad, but like by 2-4 hours off.”
“The latest he’s ever been for something with me was 18 hours.”
“Every time I’d call and check, he’d say they’re in the car, just waiting on one person in the bathroom or something.”
“He only lived an hour away too. Impossible to plan anything with a habitually late person.” ~ Terradactyl87
“My sister was like this until we left her like in OP’s story.”
“We were headed to Arkansas (5-hour drive) to the lake and told my sister we were leaving 1-hour before our actual planned leave time.”
“We were 2 hours later than our planned leave time when she woke up to start packing for a family reunion trip we planned last year, so we left.”
“Her B[oy]F[riend] drove 2.5 hours at 100+mph to catch up with us and basically say ‘please take her for the weekend so I don’t have to hear about it.'”
“She is now always on time but we still give her hell for it.”
“I don’t approve of driving that fast but he put in some work to make that weekend happen for her.” ~sendab*ssypic
“I did this with my ex-husband.”
“Only it was an hour later.”
“And then he’d be all like ‘See? It’s fine. We’re not really late.'”
“I told him about 2 years after we divorced that I always told him an hour early and that’s why we were never late.”
“He wasn’t amused. I didn’t care.”
“OP: NTA. She’s rude.”
“Constantly being late is rude.”
“It’s telling people that you don’t care about them enough to ensure that you’re on time and that you believe your time is more important than hers.”
“She doesn’t get to cry about wanting you to be a team player when she isn’t one herself.” ~ Ok-Mode-2038
“If she only STARTED her hair at 7:30, she had no intention of being on time even though it was important in this case.”
“I have difficult hair, and I understand the procrastination, but she also knew what she was doing.”
“Apparently, being there for the surprise wasn’t important to her, but it was to OP. NTA.” ~ babcock27
“NTA. It’s SOOO disrespectful when people do this and one of my pet peeves.”
“We once got a babysitter, went to pick up our friends… he was still doing yard work.”
“We sat there for an hour before he was ready.”
“So I paid an hour of babysitting.”
“OP if I were you, I’d continue to do this.”
“She knows how long it takes her to get ready and also when you need to leave.”
“Leave without her… OR next time there’s a really important event she wants to be at, reverse the tables and take your sweet a** time getting ready and purposefully be 30-60 minutes late.”
“See how she likes it.”
“I’m assuming she won’t.” ~ mca2021
“NTA. So she wanted you to miss the surprise part of the party because she‘s too slow to prepare? Selfish.”
“Also, it‘s fine that you told the truth to her parents.’
“It‘s not like you paraded around and told everyone ‘she‘s late and missed the best part because she‘s still curling her hair.'”
“But you replied to their question.”
“Maybe it has a little educative effect on her.” ~ InkedAlly
“NTA. It’s extremely rude to be late to an event, and it shows she didn’t care.”
“You repeatedly told her to get ready and she didn’t listen.”
“She got what she deserved and tbh I would’ve done the same thing.” ~ mini_beethoven
“And she’s supposedly an adult who knows how to tell time.”
“Why is he reminding her to get ready?”
“Why can’t she figure it out on her own?”
“I can’t imagine telling another grown-a** adult how to be ready on time.”
“It just teaches them that they don’t have to think or plan for themselves.” ~ bogbeanbogbean
“NTA. She knew when the event was, but she made the decision to not start getting ready early enough.”
“As for having a go at you for not making up a better excuse, or just waiting, that’s rubbish.”
“Play stupid games and you get stupid prizes.”
“If she’s not responsible enough to start getting ready in good time then she doesn’t deserve you covering for her.” ~ thegodcomplex17
“NTA. I see these posts from time to time.”
“In them, there is a time-critical event such as a wedding or surprise party.”
“One person either has poor time management skills or otherwise procrastinates starting a long task (your GF here).”
“The person leaves to be on time (or uses a clever trick to “make” the procrastinator be on time such as lying about the arrival time) and the other person is upset.”
“Not once have I ever considered the ‘be on time’ person the AH.”
“Your GF is an adult and knows how long it takes to fix her hair.”
“She wanted you to cover for her procrastination.”
“She deserved to be called out.”
“And here, she is the AH by being late to the surprise party because of her procrastination.” ~ bmyst70
“Not only is the GF an adult that knows how long it takes to fix her hair, but OP kept asking her to get ready.”
“It would be one thing if time had just gotten away from her (we’ve all been there, where we look at the time and go ‘oh sh*t.'”
“But it sounds like OP was continually asking her to get ready and she just couldn’t be bothered.”
“That’s an a**hole move. NTA.” ~ TheSecondEikonOfFire
“NTA. You know she has issues with lateness and tried to account for that.”
“Even though it’s not your responsibility.”
“She still couldn’t be bothered to get ready even though it’d mean missing the surprise.”
‘It’s her own fault.” ~ thecloudandcookies
“NTA. And this is a huge red flag, dude.”
“She cares more about herself than anyone else currently in her life.”
“Including you specifically.”
“What do you do with that information? Up to you.”
“But I bet you will decide faster than your girl can get dressed.” ~ Background-Lab-4896
“NTA. She knew it was an event with a set start time.”
“She had hours beforehand to start getting ready.”
“I could understand if something had truly come up and she didn’t have time to get ready but this more seems like she couldn’t be bothered.” ~ Inallea
“NTA – I have no patience for people who do this routinely.”
“She knows when the event is, you told her when you were leaving, and she chose to delay.”
“Her failing, not yours.”
“I see people commenting about A[ttention]-d[eficit]/h[yperactivity] d[isorder] and autism; hi, I have both!”
“You learn to adapt because you are a single person and the entire world isn’t going to change, as much as we might want it to.”
“There’s really no excuse for constantly being late or poor planning.”
“Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.” ~ Shivaelan
Well, OP, Reddit seems to be with you.
You wanted to be there for the surprise.
Which your GF knew.
You made what you thought was the best choice.
Sounds like some relationship chatting may need to happen.