Once relationships start heading into the milestone area, it should be safe to say things are getting mildly serious.
Things may start to get left at one another’s homes.
A spare toothbrush may pop up in the bathroom.
Perfumes and colognes may linger in the air.
And each partner may be expected to stock up on necessities for the other.
This is where communication may start to be an issue.
Case in point…
Redditor Jacopinhell wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for not having Ibuprofen at home?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So I (M[ale] 24) have been with my girlfriend (F[emale] 29) for about 6 months now.”
“We go to each other’s places frequently and sleep at the other’s occasionally.”
“So last week, she slept over and woke up with period cramps.”
“She asked for Ibuprofen, and because I only had two pills, I gave her those.”
“I don’t really use Ibuprofen much because I’m generally not very prone to pain apart from headaches, but those I use Thomapyrine for.”
“Apparently, those two pills weren’t enough for her, and she got really upset at me.”
“She said I should have Ibuprofen at home, that it’s a basic necessity, and that I should have it especially because she needs it frequently for her cramps.”
“I don’t see a reason for me to have large amounts of Ibuprofen at home. I don’t need it.”
“She’s the one who does.”
“Now I asked some friends, and they said that since I know she needs it, I should have some at home for her.”
“I feel like if she needs it, she should take it with her instead of me having to provide it.”
The OP was left to wonder,
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Now that you know, you should maybe buy a bottle, but you’re not psychic.”
“I generally have a backup supply of stuff like that in my bag when I stay at my B[oy]F[riend]’s house… a grown woman who has her period every month should be better prepared.” ~ SlideItIn100
“Sounds like she was a pain.”
“I’m an adult, and I carry with me things I use frequently.”
“A bottle of ibuprofen is a small enough thing to tuck into a purse.”
“Her complaining that he should just magically have whatever item she needs whenever is really entitled.” ~ patti2mj
“Or she was just in pain, and it’s not that deep.”
“Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill.”
“People aren’t beings of perfect rationality.”
“Sometimes you just do small things for your partner just to make them happy.”
“If the only thing she annoys him with is pushing him to keep a bottle of ibuprofen around his house for her that’s a pretty small thing. It’s not a big deal.”
“It’s not ‘really entitled.'”
“It’s because she was in pain, didn’t think to bring a bottle with her, and reacted with pain-induced irritation.”
“Coming on Reddit was the worst thing he could have done here cause Reddit loves to blow things out of proportion.” ~ LightEarthWolf96
“Sure but at the same time, I don’t drink coffee, but my girlfriend does, so I bought coffee for my place so she’d have some when she wanted.”
“Either is fine, but I think the relationship is bad when the two people are arguing that it’s the other person who has to get it instead of both of them being more than willing to be the one who buys the Ibuprofen to keep at the boy’s house for the girl.” ~ DefinitelyNotIndie
“Responsible adults know how to take care of themselves.”
“But also, if you know your partner is going to want to drink coffee when they stay over, why wouldn’t you just get them some coffee so that when you invite them to stay at your house, they’re comfortable?”
‘It’s not something I’d expect a non-romantic house guest to provide for themselves, so why would I expect it of my partner?” ~ lamaisondesgaufres
“If you have other painkillers in the house, it might not occur to you that it won’t meet the needs of ibuprofen users in a pinch.”
“I can understand if the girlfriend was caught off-guard while in pain, expressing frustration that her preferred painkiller isn’t available.”
“But, I would expect that this wouldn’t be a continued sore spot between this couple.”
“I would also expect that the girlfriend would bring some ibuprofen from her stash at home, AND the boyfriend would pick up a small bottle to have on hand, just in case.”
“If they’re discussing this beyond the day this incident happened, there is something else wrong in the relationship.” ~ NeatNefariousness1
“She acted meanly because she was in pain and not a perfect being of perfect rationality.”
“We all act like jerks sometimes.”
“In my one comment, I gave the NTA judgment because yes he is not wrong for not having it and she was wrong for her reaction.”
“But at this point, he can either choose to be an a** and dig in so he can be right or he can show a little bit of kindness and empathy towards his girlfriend that I presume he purports to love.”
“I am not always perfect I make mistakes.”
‘I f**k up sometimes so I try to understand when others do so as well.”
“I don’t think OP is a perfect being any more than his girlfriend is so he could perhaps show her a little kindness on such a small issue.”
“Most valuable advice my dad ever gave me: pick your battles.” ~ LightEarthWolf96
“A different take.”
“Asking for a specific thing and getting it shows they care.”
“I get things I don’t need, but my girlfriend uses them all the time.”
“Because I know she will return the favor for me.”
“On one hand to OP, he sees no reason to get it.”
“To her, it looks like he’s not even willing to accommodate a request.”
“Not saying either is right or wrong.”
“Both people are equally able to get the medicine and have it ready.”
“But if my girlfriend asked me to have something on hand that isn’t outrageous, why not just get it?” ~ Defiant_Mercy
“That was my reaction.”
“He was NTA for not having much of a drug he doesn’t use on hand, and she should expect to provide her own if it’s a frequent occurrence.”
“Which is why I carry a small bottle with both Tylenol and a couple of doses of my prescription migraine meds in it).”
“But if I was in a relationship with someone and they regularly needed a cheap and common product, I’d pick up a bottle to have on hand for the future.”
“Why wouldn’t you?” ~ RishaBree
“Agreed. It’s not his fault he didn’t have it and he couldn’t have known, so her reaction was unwarranted.”
“But to me, it would be simple for her to apologize and for him to just say he can have some on hand if she needs it, especially if she comes over a lot.”
“It’s such a small thing.”
“If my BF had I[rritable] B[owel] S[syndrome] or dietary issues, I would have no problem keeping some Imodium or whatever in my medicine cabinet for him.”
“And of course, it’s not his responsibility to have it on hand, but it’s a small gesture that shows he cares in case she forgets or runs out.”
“Also some women (like myself) have very unpredictable periods and can’t track exactly when the cramps will set in, so I don’t bother to bring pain meds with me literally every time I leave the house.” ~ K-ghuleh
“Literally. Why is it such a big deal to buy her ibuprofen?”
“I like Ibuprofen, and my wife uses Tylenol that I don’t use.”
“But I made sure I had Tylenol on hand when we were dating.”
“Don’t you want your significant other to feel at home at your place and not feel like they have to pack a million and one things to spend the night?”
“Are you not going to buy her any pads or tampons either because you won’t use those?” ~ contemplativepancake
“This is so much.”
“I get so exhausted by the way women are expected both in relationships and socially to do those little caring thoughtful things that make up a relationship without a second thought.”
“And men are never expected to extend the same courtesy.”
“This is another small thing, but I know multiple women who see movies they don’t care for with their BF’s, and then when it’s their turn to pick, the man will veto their movie choice unless he likes it.”
“I see it happen all the time, this slide where at best the woman will have to settle for something they both sort of like while the guy always gets what he likes to what he loves.”
“It’s the sort of small thing that just totally degrades relationships over time.”
“In OP’s case… like could his girlfriend buy her own ibuprofen for his place?”
“Sure, but what would it cost him that the next time he’s at the store, he picks some up for her?”
“That’s the kind of small thoughtful gesture women are expected to make all the time.” ~ liza_lo
“The stark difference between the tween replies and the people who have been in longer relationships than the tweens have been alive are strong in this thread.”
“NTA for predicting her need.”
“But did she get mad at you for not predicting?”
“Or because you refused to have it for her after.” ~ nfefx
Well, OP, Reddit is with you, for the most part.
It’s not your responsibility to stock up on items for others in your own home, but it is a nice thing to do for your paramour.
Sounds like it could be time for a deeper chat.
Good luck.