Pet ownership seems like nothing but fun, but it’s actually a huge responsibility. And when your partner doesn’t grasp this, it can cause all kinds of conflict.
That’s the situation a Redditor found herself in. So, she took her dilemma to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by the name volleyball96 on the site, asked:
“AITA for telling my bf to spay his future dog and encouraging him to not breed her?”
She explained:
“My boyfriend and I have been arguing about this for over 3 hours now. He wants to get a purebred golden retriever in a couple of years and wants her to have puppies because he thinks it’s ‘very profitable’ and because he ‘loves puppies.'”
“He’s trying to guilt me into supporting him by saying things like ‘having puppies is awesome and if you can’t see the beauty in that then you’re blind’ and ‘a real wife would want puppies too and want to raise them together’.”
“He tries defending it by saying that ‘there seems to be no downside to this’ and he also said very ignorant comments like ‘do you think having puppies isn’t cool like yeah you’re blind I guess’.”
“I told him about the health risks caused by not spaying your dog and the risks of breeding your dog with no experience and he just doesn’t listen; responding to me with ‘it’s not risking the dog’s health, that’s what they do,’ ‘there’s no real huge risk’ (referring to giving birth and having puppies).”
“I also told him that it can be very costly if you include vet bills, vaccinations, food, medical expenses, etc. but he doesn’t believe me.”
“He thinks it’s not irresponsible if a dog has puppies. He also thinks I’m being negative/pessimistic, told me to grow up and ‘learn how to think positive’.”
“I even sent him numerous articles about breeding complications and the cons of breeding and he said ‘that’s the dumbest article I’ve ever read.’ He even had the audacity to say that I don’t understand anything about breeding and that he knows more about this than me despite the fact that I doubt he even researched anything about this.”
“There’s no getting through to him and I think he’s gonna make an irresponsible, time-consuming, and costly mistake in the future. Our disagreement is causing conflict in our relationship.”
“I’m trying to change his mind but he’s so stubborn. AITA?”
OP’s fellow Redditors were then asked to judge who’s in the wrong in this scenario using the following acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And they were not on board with OP’s manipulative and dismissive approach to such a huge responsibility.
“NTA. He sucks. I hate manipulative sh*t like this.”
“Also, I used to work at a vet clinic and there was no shortage of dumbasses who brought their new dog in and planned to make tons of money by breeding their pup. It worked out about as poorly as you would imagine.” —dbohat
“Firstly, the major delusion and refusal to do research or recognize risks and just blindly believing he’s capable of breeding purebred dogs is ridiculous. Personally, traits I wouldn’t want in an SO.”
“But those lines about ‘a real wife would want x’ and ‘don’t be pessimistic’ and ‘you’re blind!’ Wow. What a terrible manipulative way to speak to your SO. THIS is what would definitively end the relationship for me.” —basilobs
“Let’s do the math…”
“8 pups X $200 = $1,600; Less vet bills; Less medications; Less puppy food; Less dog food for the mom for the next 18 years…”
“BF is the AH. And a really stupid one at that.”
“OP, NTA, unless you stay with him or allow this to happen.” —Timbered2
“NTA…”
“Red flags on how he implies his future wife should say yes to whatever he says.”
“He wants to make the dog a puppy mill. Huge red flag also.”
“Why are you with him again?” —RickRollRizal
“NTA. He’s living in a fantasy and being a ‘backyard breeder’ is irresponsible. Goldens are susceptible to a whole host of genetic issues that can get very expensive. Reputable breeders will often accept puppies back if they turn out to have some of these issues diagnosed within a certain period of time.”
“Is he prepared for the financial investment of guaranteeing puppies? Has he discussed anything about this with any real breeders in your area?” —Annalirra
“Nta, your bf doesn’t show any kind of love towards a dog and only sees the mighty $$$ behind breeding his future dog.”
“You are absolutely right with your concerns for not spaying a dog and any pet in general (the one living inside your house)”
“He’s putting his own greed ahead of the well-being of a living being and this would be a huge red flag to me personally.” —Silvalirum
“NTA”
“‘A real wife would want puppies too and want to raise them together’
“I may be reading a bit too much into this, but this seems like it might be a red flag. Does he think that a ‘real wife’ just blindly agrees with her husband with no opinions of her own?”
“And it seems like he assumes you’ll be taking on (at least) 50% of the labour. I would be on the lookout for other indications that holds sexist views, because this whole thing seems pretty dodgy to me.”
“I’m not an expert on dog breeding, but I’ve read a couple of things and it all tallies with what you’re saying. It’s certainly not a get rich quick scheme, and there are significant risks involved.”
“And looking after a litter of puppies until they’re ready to leave their mother is going to be a whole load of work, even if you do turn a profit. It’s something that you need to go into with realistic expectations and with the full agreement of everyone involved.”
Sounds like these two have much bigger issues than just a disagreement about dog ownership.