“What’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine.”
But maybe not when it comes to money.
Indeed, money can be a fairly delicate hurdle in a relationship, particularly when one half of the couple makes considerably more than the other.
Redditor theonewithouta10 had no trouble being the primary breadwinner for both him and his girlfriend of two years.
But things became complicated when his girlfriend asked him for a loan of sorts.
Unsure of how well he handled the situation, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole (AITA), asking fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my girlfriend I’m not paying for her Christmas gifts.”
The OP first filled in fellow Redditors on both his living and financial situation with his girlfriend and their plans when it came to Christmas.
“Me (28 M[ale]) and Lauren (25 F[emale]) have been dating for 2 years and recently moved in together.”
“I work full time and she’s a full time student.”
“Due to this I pay for all living expenses.”
“With Christmas coming up we decided to not do gifts in order to save a little extra money.”
But Lauren still had plans to exchange gifts with others, somewhat to the surprise of the OP.
“This was fine until this week when Lauren ask me to pay for gifts for her family and friends.”
“She says that before she went to school full-time she used to get really nice Christmas gifts for her family/nephews because she had a full time job.”
“Her friends do a fancy gift exchange where they all buy each other gifts.”
“I tell her that isn’t something I’m comfortable doing.”
“She gets upset asking why I’m being mean and I state that I don’t want to spend my money on gifts for her friends/family.”
“And If she wants to buy them gifts then she needs to get a temporary job or something.”
Lauren made an attempt to rectify the situation by turning it from a favor to a business transaction, which did not sit particularly well with the OP.
“She says she will pay me back and offers to make this a loan.”
“I basically say it’s not a loan and I’m not gonna get paid back.”
“I also tell her that I’m not comfortable loaning my girlfriend money because it leads to issues.”
“Yesterday Lauren’s sister calls, telling me I’m an AH for ruining Christmas for her kids/sister and that Lauren’s parents are upset too.”
“I felt bad but I don’t want to do this either.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Fellow Redditors were in firm agreement the OP was not at all the a**hole by refusing to pay for his girlfriend’s Christmas presents.
Almost everyone agreed it was a wholly unreasonable request on Lauren’s part, and that she waited so close to Christmas to ask the OP only made it worse.
“1. She waits 9 days till Christmas to bring it up.”
“2. She wants you to fully pay for all of them.”
“3. She asked, you said no, that should’ve been the end of the story.”-Boomgtd_.
“NTA if Lauren wanted to buy gifts Lauren should have gotten a job.”
“Also, why wait till the last minute like this to even bring it up?”
“You both already agreed to not do gifts but she was still expecting that you would buy gifts anyways.”- Regular-Term1274.
“Plenty of people get temp work during the holidays in order to be able to pay for gifts.”
“Also, she could make presents (like cookies or a little craft or something).”-87catsinatrenchcoat.
“She wants to get gifts, she uses her money.”
“It’s that simple.”
“And good on you for not lending money.”
“It always does lead to issues.”- thenexuscreed
Others warned the OP this might be a telling indication of what his future with Lauren might look like, suggesting he might not be in the healthiest relationship.
“NTA – you just got visited by the Ghost of Christmas Future.”
“Do you really wanna meet the other two?”-excess_moisture.
“This is where thing move from ‘we’re living together’ towards ‘she’s sponging off of you’.”
“And its a giant red flag that the entire family can’t enjoy Christmas without throwing around ‘nice’ gifts.”- c1ncinasty.
“NTA but it sounds like you guys need to have a sit-down discussion about finances going forward.”-StrangelyEstranged93.
“She’s getting you a big old red flag for Christmas.”
“She feels entitled to your money, and I’m guessing she asked for A LOT on the spot, and then sent other people to peer pressure you when she didn’t get what she wanted in the relationship.”
“Pay attention, because this kind of thing only gets worse.”- readshannontierney.
Others pointed out if a “fancy” gift exchange was so important to Lauren’s family, they should be the one’s lending her the money.
“NTA-Laurens parents/sister can loan her the money if it is so important they get gifts from her.”-MsDReid.
“Tell Lauren to ask her sister and parents for money if they’re so mad.”
“I’d suggest finding a new girlfriend too by the way.”
“Also Lauren’s sister is AH.”
“Why is she depending on Lauren to make her kids Christmas good?”- lifescomedown.
“Why didn’t her sister volunteer to loan her the money she wanted?”
“Your girlfriend conveniently forgot that the reason you’re not exchanging gifts this year was to save some money, right?”
“She’s being a selfish AH.”-This_Interests_Me.
“NTA: tell her family to buy their own gifts and write your gf name on it problem solved.”- OneMikeNation.
“NTA If your girlfriend’s sister is upset because you won’t pay for Xmas gifts she wants to buy for her family and friends, she should feel free to ‘loan’ her sister the money so she can go shopping and the same goes for her parents.”- Yellow_Stop.
“You’re not even doing gifts between yourselves.”
“She should not actually expect you to pay for her gifts to others.”
“Tell her to ask her parents for this ‘loan’.”-YourImaginaryFried.
One can’t help but wonder how Lauren, or anyone, could be so comfortable asking someone else to pay for their Christmas shopping.
Hopefully Lauren will realize Christmas is about so much more than presents, and will have a happy and healthy holiday with friends and family.