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Woman Balks After Boyfriend Refuses To Let Her Dog Out During The Day So As Not To ‘Spoil’ Him


Letting a dog out of the house to go potty doesn’t seem like a big issue.

But apparently some people feel differently.

No one is responsible for other people’s pets.

But anybody can let a dog out to pee.


Case in point…

Redditor Yay_Chocolate wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for expecting my partner to let my dog out while he was on staycation?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My partner (36 M[ale]) was on staycation last week for 3 days, but never once let my dog out and said it wasn’t his problem.”

“So, I accept your judgment.”

“My (36 F[emale]) partner, ‘Tommy’ (36m), was home on staycation last week Monday through Wednesday, meaning he had five days off.”

“He was home all day, and maybe left the house once or twice to get himself some food, but that was it.”

“I have a dog ‘Spud’ I got before we got together, they adore each other and it’s really sweet.”

“Since Spud is my dog, all of his care and bills are my responsibility, I would never, ever ask or expect Tommy to ever care for him in any way, normally.”

“Tommy literally does NOTHING to care for my dog aside from snuggle, but that’s a two-way street, lol.”

“Anyway, since Spud is normally home alone for about 9 hours each day, I do things to keep him occupied (he normally sleeps but still).”

“Like hide treats for him to find before I leave, have a feeder ball out, leave the blinds up so he can people watch the pond and walking trail at our apartment, check in via Blink, leave a YouTube dog channel on, you get it.”

“Sometimes I also come home during lunch to let him out and snuggle.”

“I wanted to hire a dog-walker, but Tommy said absolutely not since he’s scared we’ll get our stuff stolen.”

“Since Tommy was home though, I thought he’d be nice enough to take him out in the middle of the day to let him pee.”

“He didn’t on Monday and I brought it up, he said, ‘No, I won’t, because then he’ll expect it.'”

“Like wtf?”

“Tommy thinks because Spud can control himself no problem for 12 hours if necessary.”

“It happened before we got together when a pet sitter didn’t pull through and didn’t tell me until I had already paid and left for my day trip.”

“Yes I got a refund and Spud was ok but still, not ideal.”

“He didn’t want to ‘spoil’ him by letting him out during the day.”

“I told him he didn’t need a full walk, but a couple minutes to pee on the lawn would make him feel better.”

“He wouldn’t even have had to step more than 10 feet away from the apartment door.”

“I reminded him on weekends he gets walked and let out a lot more and is still fine during the week.”

“But Tommy still insisted he didn’t care and said I was acting like a d**k about it (no, I didn’t yell or get dramatic).”

“Spud is my dog after all, but am I wrong for hoping Tommy would help him out and just let him out for 2 minutes to pee?”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“I genuinely don’t understand Tommy’s reasoning at all.”

“Spoil a dog by letting him out to pee? What? Hope y’all don’t have kids. NTA.” ~ Sea_Me_Yesterday

“It’s bizarre to me.”

“I had a roommate who had pet birds.”

“This was just a ROOMMATE, and not even one I was all that friendly with.”

“But I was home more often than she was, so I regularly played with her birds during the day, made sure their food and water were full, let them out to fly around the apartment, etc.”

“I feel like it’s something you naturally want to do if you care about someone’s pets.”

“If this was someone I was in a relationship with I would absolutely have helped care for their pet without even being asked.”  ~ Aggressive_FIamingo

“Yeah normally I wouldn’t advocate that over such a small issue, but Tommy’s attitude speaks VERY poorly to his character.”

“There’s almost a creepy factor to the fact that he’ll snuggle this dog but not lift a finger to help it even in a case like this.”

“Makes me think of guys who turn on the charm when they want sex and act like strangers other than that. Eesh.”  ~ Crooked-Bird-21

“I trusted my boyfriend to watch my dog for basically 2 years while I did a master’s abroad.”

“I got pictures all the time, he would take my dog to parks on the weekend, he works from home and lets him out in the yard all day.”

“Did all the vet visits, grooming.”

“Everything everything, without a single complaint, all full of love, and didn’t even ask me to cover expenses.”

“That is love and respect for you and your animal.”

“What he did is not OK.”  ~ penninsulaman713

OP came back with deets…

“ETA: Tommy and I have been dating for almost 3 years, living together for 2, I’ve had Spud for half a decade. Spud came first, and always will, lol.”

“Thank you for all your comments, honestly, it’s so validating to know I’m not crazy or an ar*e.”

“I’ve been rethinking my relationship with Tommy over several other issues, but this is likely the final straw.”

“I might rehome Tommy as another user suggested, but have been thinking about getting Spud a ‘sibling’ about the same age next year since I got a better-paying career.”

“If I live alone again I can have a dog-walker! Thank you!?

“ANOTHER ETA: For those of you asking about why I had a few Tinder posts.”

“Tommy and I have been struggling for the past few months and have tried going on a break and opening the relationship.”

“We’re both asexuals so it’s not like we’d be bringing home STIs.

“We ended up reconciling, but at this point, Tinder might have been the better option.”

“Also also, no we won’t be having any kids ever, because, well… we’re asexuals, lol.”


“RIP inbox – I’m sorry I can’t keep up with all the comments, I tried!”

“Tommy saw this post – I changed his name but not my dog’s, so yeah, wtf was I expecting?”

“I wasn’t sure he followed this sub but, now I know.”

“Ugh, and now he knows my account.”

“Welp, I’ve made dumber decisions.”

“He called me at work and wants to talk tonight.”

“Relationship aside, I demanded to hire a dog-walker.”

“He said fine but he’s not paying for it.

“I’ve never had him pay a single penny towards Spud’s care.”

“Giving him a piece of broccoli off your plate doesn’t count as feeding him, Tommy!”

“So like wtf… I don’t know why he thought I would ask him to in the first place.”

“But at least Spud can get potty breaks on the days I can’t get back on my lunch break!”

“The only thing I’m worried about is winter, if there’s a snowstorm and the walker can’t make it.”

“But in that case hopefully I wouldn’t have to go in anyway (I work in a small, non-emergency pediatric practice).”

“Honestly I think our relationship is done at this point but I’ll let you guys know tonight.”

“Thank you for everything!”

“We still have until March with our lease but maybe we can be amicable until then.”

“If not, I don’t know, maybe I can appeal to the landlord, she’s super nice and we live in a low cost of living area.”

Reddit added…

I was glad to read your edit about potentially dumping Tommy because your post made me sad.”

“His not giving a F about your sweet dog is a deal breaker.”

“I hope you meant it that Spud comes first and you release Tommy into the wild like he belongs.”

Also, 9 hours home alone is too long so please get a pet walker.”

“I’m not judging you on this, I know it’s hard when you work. Definitely NTA.”  ~ Littleballoffur22

“Tommy is extremely lazy.”

His laziness will kick into overdrive if the OP and he ever have children.”

“Any excuse will come into play to avoid parenting ‘You are breastfeeding so there is no point in me waking up’ or ‘The baby likes you better than me, she won’t settle for me.'”

“‘I had a tough day at work and need to unwind before parenting. I’ll do it later.'”

“I am very glad to see OP’s update.”  ~ GlencoraPalliser

“My parents aren’t/weren’t dog people, but they would take my previous dogs for walks, and throw tennis balls in the garden for this one.”

“He’s normally walked off lead in areas where that’s allowed, and as he’s not my mums dog she understandably doesn’t want that responsibility.”

“Glad OP thinking of rehoming Tommy!” ~ No-Cranberry4396

OP… Reddit is here for you and SPUD!

Good luck on the rehoming of Tommy.