Moving in with your significant other is a big step in your commitment to each other. This means accepting the accommodations that you both need to make your liv in relationship successful.
But what if your partner refused to do something to stop you from feeling miserable? What if you were already doing your best to make things work?
One Redditor by the name of throwaway2940nn found herself in such a situation after she moved in with boyfriend and her allergies to his dog became too much to stand. She turned to the AITA (Am I The Asshole) subReddit for judgement.
“AITA for not paying for bf’s dog’s grooming?”
The OP (Original Poster) explained
“My bf and I moved in a few months ago along with his dog(BJ). I have dog, cat and dust mite allergies and take Claritin and Flonase to keep it under control.”
“Before we moved in I told bf that we had to keep BJ out of our bedroom, do frequent vacuuming and groom him often to keep my allergies under control. I didn’t know he only groomed BJ once every 3 months and by the end of the month I’m reacting to BJ no matter how many antihistamines I take.”
“So I asked him to switch to a month to month groom and he told me I would have to pay for it. I’m really weirded out by this because I assumed he would be paying for it since he’s his dog but he wants me to pay for it since I’m the one with the allergies.”
“It costs $100 to groom BJ which I don’t want to pay because I’m not making that much (I make $34k and bf makes 70k). I tell him we can wash BJ ourselves but he doesn’t want to because BJ hates baths and will destroy our washroom during the process.”
“I refuse to pay for the grooms and he refuses to bring his dog to get groomed and I’m miserable all day because I wfh. I want to move out and I tell him so and he calls me selfish since all I have to do is pay for the grooming but I already pay for the meds which are not cheap.”
After a request for a little more info OP made additional clarifying comments. She said:
“I wasn’t on meds before. I just vacuumed a lot. Mine has side effects I still get drowsy. Luckily my work doesn’t include operating machinery. My bf doesn’t understand there are side effects he thinks it’s just like popping an advil.”
The OP asked Redditors to weigh in and pass one of four judgements:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors we’re not impressed with this boyfriend’s lack of empathy for his partner and ruled OP was NTA.
“What is this nonsense about grooming more than 1 time every three months being bad for a dog? We take our dogs every 5 weeks like clockwork to our vet for a bath, tooth brush and nail clipping.”
“The standard grooming schedule is once every 1-2 months-I can’t imagine making my dogs wait 3 months, they would stink! NTA. I would say NAH but it sounds like bf isn’t being very kind or considerate about a health issue and that is something for OP to think about.”
“A healthy couple is on a team and tackles problems together instead of saying I’m managing my problems while you manage yours. This is a value clash OP-how you manage sharing space, money, respect – this is a good opportunity for you to think about what these things mean to you and have an honest talk with bf.”
“Maybe it’s a miscommunication or maybe it’s a matter of being incompatible-you won’t know until you talk it out.“
“Edit to add: you want to move out because you’re not comfortable and he calls you selfish? You’re respecting that the compromise that works for you won’t work for him-that’s not selfish at all. Huge NTA and that’s a red flag OP.” momlv
“NTA. Unfortunately, this seems like an incompatibility to me. Even if he paid the every month grooming, you’d still need allergy pills.”
“Over the average lifespan of a dog, it would probably cost thousands of dollars for each of you. He is an asshole for not budging a single inch.”
“Also, unpopular opinion, but pet < human significant other. Always.” SG-2000
“NTA Sounds like it’s time for a new bf…or a couple’s therapist. Someone being that uncaring about how I was being affected and expecting me to take care of it completely solo instead of wanting to work together on the problem would definitely be a relationship red flag for me.” curious_jess
“NTA. What you are asking is completely reasonable, and you even offered an alternative. You could flip this around and just be like…you need to pay for my allergy meds, since it’s your dog causing them to be uncontrolled.”
“Him calling you selfish for wanting to move out because of a medical condition that he could easily fix is a very AH move. You need to take a moment and seriously think about this: He’s putting his dog & wallet above your health needs.” AbbyBirb
“NTA: If he can’t wash his own dog, then he’s a bad pet owner and an AH. Like. You should be able to wash your dog as part of owning a dog. Sometimes they roll in dead things.”
“There are even places you can go to wash your own dog so it isn’t your bathroom. The $100 is because he won’t wash the dog, so he needs to pay a groomer.”
“He could also learn to shave the dog himself to save costs, even if it’s just the big and simple areas on the off months, and save the really fiddly areas for every 3.” Rtarara
“NTA, but seriously, just give the dog a monthly bath at home if that’s the issue. My dog doesn’t like baths either, but there are ways to make it easier.”
“If you put a towel on the bottom of the tub, it gives them more traction. They even make little disks that suction to the wall and can be smeared with peanut butter or another treat to keep them occupied while you’re bathing them.”
“Worst case, they shake a lot and you have to clean up, but you have to clean the bathroom occasionally anyway. Unless you don’t have a tub in your place, the dog shouldn’t have to go to the groomer for a simple wash. If the weather is warm, you can do it outside with a hose.” Ok-Point4302
When you adopt a pet it is a lifelong commitment, with that commitment comes the responsibility to care for them properly and take care of he they effect others.