Content Warning: Extreme Internet Trolling, Cyberbullying, and Emotional Abuse
The internet has a funny way of bringing out the worst in some people. With the ability to hide behind an anonymous or fake account, they feel like they can say anything.
They might even use the opportunity to bully someone they supposedly love, cringed the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor throwawayDis2 had been with her boyfriend for three years, who apparently did not have any social media accounts or devices beyond the use of his phone.
But when she discovered that he had a secret iPad with fake accounts on all the social media platforms he claimed not to use, the Original Poster (OP) was shocked and disgusted by who her boyfriend was online.
She asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting if I break up with my boyfriend after I found out he’s trolling women online and it gave me the biggest ick?”
The OP thought she had a good relationship for the past three years.
“I (25 Female, Black woman) have been with my boyfriend (26 Male, white/Hispanic) for three years, and we live together.”
“Overall, he’s always been sweet, funny, and kind. We argue sometimes, but it’s been nothing serious.”
“He always told me he doesn’t really use social media, just Snapchat. Or so I thought.”
But then the OP realized her boyfriend was keeping a dark secret.
“Last night, we were smoking and hanging out when he went to the gas station to get snacks.”
“While he was gone, I kept hearing a weird vibration/dinging noise. Eventually, I realized it was coming from under our dresser.”
“I pulled out an iPad I had never seen before. It was covered in stickers from his video games, and the wallpaper was a picture of our dog, so it was clearly his. I had no idea he even owned an iPad.”
“Once I got in, I saw nonstop notifications from Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Reddit, YouTube… literally everything. All the accounts were anonymous/spam-looking, but they were all tied to his email.”
It turned out the OP’s boyfriend was a terrible cyberbully.
“I started opening the notifications, and I was honestly disgusted.”
“He was commenting on women’s bodies, saying they needed more makeup, body-shaming them, leaving hateful comments on YouTube, and trolling people on Reddit with fake cringe stories.”
“On Twitter and Instagram, he was constantly insulting people for no reason.”
He wasn’t just a bully to strangers. He’d bullied her in secret for years.
“But nothing prepared me for what I found next. I like to game and livestream with my friends a few times a week just for fun.”
“For the past year, there has been this one account that always joins our stream and says the most racist and vile things, telling us we need more makeup, should dress ‘sexier,’ insulting our looks, and sending us awful messages about how nobody would want to watch us looking like that.”
“It got so bad that when we blocked the account, they would just make new ones. We eventually stopped streaming about six months ago because of it. I almost filed a police report at one point.”
“I realized last night that it was my boyfriend. He has been trolling me and my friends and me the entire time.”
“This wasn’t just popping in and leaving; he would stay the entire livestream, saying horrible, personal things about us.”
The OP was shocked by what she had found.
“I genuinely don’t understand why someone would do this to their girlfriend. I thought our relationship was good.”
“I haven’t told him yet. I’ve been at my friend’s house all day because I can’t even look at him without feeling sick.”
“We did more digging and found some other stuff that I have documented to take pictures of before the end of the day. I plan on returning the iPad back to where it was, but I do not think I could fake the relationship or leave quietly. Honestly, I think it’s best if I just drop everything, leave, and make the police report.”
“Would I be overreacting if I break up with him over this? My friend thinks filing a restraining order is over the top and can ruin his career.”
“I honestly plan on leaving him, but is filing a police report or getting a restraining order going too far?”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that breaking up was the least she should do.
“I really hope this is just you needing that final push to break up and not actually you trying in any capacity to make this not break-up worthy.” – Reasonable-Mood9722
“Breaking up is the bare minimum here. I’d be screenshotting everything and sending it to his mother.”
“It’s probably the only way the dipsh*t would feel any shame, and it seems like some shame would do him some good.” – NothingAndNow111
“I would clear out while he’s at work and leave the iPad on the kitchen table in lieu of a note…”
“Like, I’d change the settings so the screen does not time out, and leave it open on a screen displaying some of the most atrocious bits.”
“Personally, I would choose where he was trolling you and your friends specifically. Just so he gets the picture that you found EVERYTHING!”
“What an absolute pr**k!” – TheForgottenKrampus
“NOR. Let your dad and friends know what’s up, and quietly leave. This is one of those reveals that makes me uncomfortable for you to confront that man alone about it. It’s psycho s**t, honestly.” – CosmereCarl
“NOR. My advice would be this. DO NOT TELL HIM YOU KNOW. and leave quietly, or at least have an exit plan ready.”
“This is sociopathic behaviour. He wants to hurt you and have you at the same time.” – LJ161
“He LIKES the idea that he’s upsetting her with (what he thinks is) impunity. That’s sick.”
“It makes me wonder which other covert campaigns he’d embark on to secretly upset OP. Maybe he’s already done other rotten things, and OP will spot the pattern after she looks back over the past few years.”
“Don’t get pets or even keep plants while you live with him. And DON’T CONCEIVE A CHILD with this monster.” – Either_Coconut
“How could you POSSIBLY think you could be overreacting?! First of all, you do not need a REASON to break up with someone. You can simply decide it isn’t for you anymore.”
“Second… you are literally asking, ‘Am I overreacting if I break up with my boyfriend for being sexist, misogynistic, racist, and harassing me, and other women, anonymously online?'”
“Girl. Shake yourself out of this delusional haze and answer that question by yourself. HE AIN’T S**T.” – polarstrawberry
Others also reassured the OP that filing a restraining order was not going too far.
“I just read this post to my male friend, who is also an internet troll (but a political one), and he straight out said, ‘Tell every man you trust in your life what has happened and LEAVE NOW.'”
“Take all the evidence of what he’s done with you, too. A police report and a restraining order are NOT too far.” – Apprehensive_Egg_717
“Absolutely valid, and I would highly suggest you and your friends file a restraining order and bring this to the attention of those close to him (particularly the women in his life, you simply don’t know how deep or far back this goes).”
“Everyone will be better for it. This is creepy, confusing, scary, vile, all of the above. I don’t usually name and shame, but this deserves it.” – throwRAyelloww
“NOR. Move out before you break up with him and file a restraining order and police report on your way out the door. Do not tell him where you’re moving to, and make sure your support system does not, either. You need to get out and be safe!” – minimamaz00m
“NOR. Clearly, this man has some serious issues. Lying about social media usage is already weird and concerning, but lying because he’s doing all this s**t is a lot more concerning.”
“The fact that he targets you and your friends? Lady, your boyfriend isn’t who you think he is. Run before you’re trapped with this unhinged person.” – fermentedcabbage
“While you have that iPad, check if he has any AirTags tracking anything. I’d be worried about a planted AirTag either in your car or a bag you use regularly. Check everything. Don’t give him any way of tracking you down.” – Distractedauthor
“This is not trolling. It is targeted abuse and harassment. Report him to all the accounts he’s using. Document everything with screenshots, and then get out.”
“You should also notify the police. And tell your friends so they can block him and report anything suspicious.”
“Unfortunately, make your livestream private. None of you are safe.” – Jazzlike_Grape_5486
“Not overreacting. This is gross behavior, and aside from that, he lied to you about his social media use. If he lied to you about something so trivial, what else is he lying about?”
“Also, he’s not just a liar; he’s pretending to be an entirely different person with you. And he’s kept that up for three years.”
“What you saw on that iPad is the real man behind the mask. Just assume he lied about everything, and you’ll be closer to the truth than tying yourself in knots trying to figure out what he may have been honest about.”
“Please get out of there as safely as possible and as soon as possible.” – Lovelyesque1
“You are vastly UNDER-REACTING that you haven’t already broken up with him.”
“There is nothing wrong with you, but he hates you. He hates women. He hates minorities. He just hates. He’s a deeply troubled man.”
“Get out quietly, without warning. Change your locks. Lock down your social media accounts. Change your phone number. If you can, move and leave no forwarding address.” – LissaBryan
“I mean… Honestly, you’re UNDER reacting. He made you so sad, angry, and hurt that you stopped streaming, something I’m assuming you enjoyed doing until you got that hateful stalker.”
“He SHOULD lose his job. I understand you loved him, but you didn’t love the REAL him. He didn’t show that side to you, just a facade. You are entirely underreacting if you don’t file a restraining order AND contact his company.”
“Normally, this is not something I advocate for. Only a few times have I suggested it, and only once, done it myself (someone told a depressed underage girl to just kill herself and get it over with. Absolutely NOT okay). Which reminds me of what your boyfriend is doing.”
“Imagine some Black teen girl with depression, struggling EVERY DAY to love herself and not wish for lighter skin, only to have some a**hat tell her all the things she’s trying not to tell herself. Maybe she decides life isn’t worth living anymore BECAUSE OF HIM. Would that make you feel like a breakup is all that’s warranted?”
“I know that’s not a likely scenario, but it IS a plausible one. You don’t need to be hateful about it, but you do need a restraining order. And I do urge you to consider calling his company and speaking with his boss or HR. This behavior is NOT OK, and he really needs to feel the hurt in a powerful way if he’s ever going to change his behavior and stop attacking women online.”
“Don’t just do this for you, do this for your friends who were also targeted, as well as all the other women and girls he’s affected. Please, for women everywhere who hate the skin they’re in. For the women who HAVE wanted to die because of something a stranger said online (me included). Report. Him.” – kayellie
The subReddit was alarmed by what the OP discovered about her boyfriend of three years. This was far worse than internet trolling; it was indicative of something much worse, and certainly not dating material.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National
Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/