Hosting can be fun, as can having loved ones come stay for a little while. But the longer they stay, the more frustrating it becomes.
In order for everyone to coexist, compromises have to be made, and that can create tension that wasn’t there before, pointed out the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Junior-Copy-6632 had been living with her boyfriend for a long time, and they were currently hosting her boyfriend’s cousin and his wife while their new construction was being shaped into a home.
Everything was going well, except that the Original Poster (OP) and her boyfriend could not see eye-to-eye on what was appropriate when stepping out of the shower while they had company.
She asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting for not seeing why my boyfriend finds it weird that I walk from the bathroom to the bedroom in a towel while his family is staying with us?”
The OP and her boyfriend were hosting his cousin and his cousin’s wife.
“I (26 Female) am in a long-term relationship with my boyfriend (27 Male), and we live together.”
“His cousin (35 Male) and his cousin’s wife (33 Female) are staying at our house long-term until their new house is finished being built.”
The OP had personal preferences when it came to shower time.
“I hate the feeling of putting on clothes when my body is still wet or rushing myself.”
“So I walk from our bathroom to our bedroom in only a towel. My bedroom is right next door to the bathroom, literally three steps away, and I use a big beach towel that covers my whole body.”
But the OP’s boyfriend was uncomfortable with it.
“My partner thinks this is inappropriate behavior, since we are living with his cousin and his wife.”
“I’m still continuing to do it, but he doesn’t like that I do it and finds it weird.”
“His family has never spoken to me about it, and they have never brought up any issues in general (about me) ever.”
The OP felt conflicted about her boyfriend’s concerns.
“When I was living with my family, this was normal. I don’t understand why I can’t walk out if my whole body is covered. I mean, I wear short pyjama shorts, and he thinks that’s fine.”
“I don’t know if it’s a cultural thing because his family members are Vietnamese from Vietnam. I’m white/Australian, and my partner is Viet, but born/raised his whole life in Australia.”
“For me, it feels normal and not inappropriate at all.”
“What do you guys think? I personally think my boyfriend is being unreasonable, and at the end of the day, it’s our place, while his cousins are guests.”
“Should I get changed in the bathroom or continue my three-second walk from the bathroom in a towel?”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some encouraged the OP to invest in a cotton terrycloth drying robe.
“NOR. I don’t see what the big deal is, but perhaps get a terrycloth bathrobe to keep the peace.” – Skittle146
“Simple solution! You can get a really cute 100% cotton one that will speed up your drying time. The polyester terrycloth bathrobes don’t absorb water like cotton does!”
“I don’t know why your hubby doesn’t want you using a large towel as a cover-up, but he doesn’t, so maybe it’s a cultural thing. Anyway, this whole issue can go away with a cute terrycloth bathrobe.” – SurvivorX2
“I bought a 100% cotton men’s terrycloth robe because the larger size goes all the way to the ground. It fits bigger and gets me drier faster than the smaller, thin women’s ones ever did. I’d suggest getting one of these, OP!” – Live-Succotash2289
“I would say that a tube top would be a better comparison than a tank top to a towel. I don’t agree with the boyfriend at all, but I feel much more covered and secure in a terry cloth bathrobe than a towel.” – Bb20150531
“Social context is the difference. People are socialized that underwear means you’re getting lucky and a swimsuit means the beach. There is something sexual about seeing something you’re not supposed to see.”
“It might be partly psychological. With the towel everyone KNOWS there’s nothing under there. With the robe, there’s plausible deniability, OP has on underwear or something.”
“It’s silly, but ultimately a pretty small concession to make if this is the only weirdness.” – br_612
“A robe covers your chest, shoulders, and collarbone. A robe usually covers down to the knees at least. A towel fits more like a tube, like a wrapped tube top.”
“Whether you agree. I think the difference is obvious.” – Brutalfierywrathrec
“Same situation as OP, I have family living with me for a while, and I bought a terrycloth bathrobe in a size men’s XL so that it’s so large and long it reaches down to my heels.”
“I think it might be the bare arms and shoulders that’s too much, maybe? Anyways, haven’t had a complaint since!” – Pigimonmonster
Others agreed and pointed out to the OP that this was not something to get upset over.
“Yes, it is OP’s home. Yes, she should be able to wear what she wants in her own home. But, it is not just her home. Her partner feels uncomfortable with her wearing just a towel in front of his family members. Is her right to wear a towel more important than her partner’s comfort?”
“This is a really weird hill to die on.”
“Could you imagine blowing up your relationship because you want to enforce your right to wear a towel instead of a robe, for no other reason than it being her home.” – Fantastic_Quarter_79
“You’re right. Never in the history of the world has a sane invite to stay with someone meant no mutual compromise. You wouldn’t walk around naked with a house guest, for example. These posts are incels who can’t figure out why everyone rejects them.” – Lower-Dot3001
“That’s what bathrobes are for. If they feel it’s disrespectful for you to be in a towel, get a toweling bathrobe. This is not the hill to die on.” – Top-Bit85
“Not getting dressed in the bathroom is a hill to die on, for me at least. Absolutely cannot stand to get dressed immediately after showing.”
“However, it is a hill to compromise on, and a robe seems like it would be a good compromise.” – vonshiza
“NOR. Having house guests usually means having some changed behaviors until they leave. People have suggested a toweling bathrobe, and I think that’s a really good compromise, not just to make your partner more comfortable but to avoid possibly making your guests uncomfortable or prevent embarrassing accidents (wrapped-around towels run the risk of being dropped/falling off).”
“Understand that I’m not really discussing ‘what OP has ‘the RIGHT to do’ in her own home’ so much as I’m discussing ‘what OP could do to make her partner and guests feel more comfortable without sacrificing too much on her own part.'”
“Yes, it’s true that she could just disregard her partner’s feelings on the matter and keep the status quo. Usually when people are in relationships, they tend to want to find a compromise so that everyone feels heard and doesn’t just have to live with whatever is bothering them.”
“If she just wanted the f**k-you option, I doubt she’d have solicited a third-party perspective. People are proposing compromises precisely because they’re assuming she doesn’t want to just ignore how he feels, or commit a potential faux pas with his family.”
“Of course, she has the right to do whatever she will; clearly, she doesn’t want to just haul off and do that without weighing the possible drawbacks. Calm yourselves. NOR to the OP.” – Joffrey-Lebowski
“This is one of those issues that may seem odd or an overreaction, but if it is important to someone who is important to us, we make the effort. I like the idea here to get a terry cloth robe. It will accomplish the same thing as a towel, but more modestly.” – Own_Ad9686
“The first thing on my mind was when OP said that it was ‘normal’ to her to walk out in a towel. Everyone’s ‘normal’ is different, and adjusting to a common ground when living in the same residence is just courtesy.”
“Sure, you won’t be your 100% full self, but neither will they. It’s about respect and decency for all, not just her. It’s their house, but for the time being, it’s everyones space save for the bedrooms.” – Much-Replacement-167
“I think OP is in the right here, but part of being in a relationship is knowing which battles to fight. This is a pretty small one with an easy solution.” – sadgrad2
The subReddit could understand the OP’s confusion and even get behind her dislike of immediately dressing after stepping out of the shower. That all being said, it was obvious enough to them that swapping out the beach towel for a proper drying robe might be just the trick to ease her boyfriend’s mind and make the rest of the family’s stay that much easier.