Woman Bans Mother-In-Law From House After Catching Her 'Auditing' Trash Bins To Prove She's 'Wasteful'

Being frugal means being intentional with money and resources, spending carefully to avoid waste, while still prioritizing what matters. Frugality isn't about deprivation or always choosing the absolute lowest priced items.

Being frugal is about maximizing value to achieve short and long-term goals. Defining those goals and deciding when to scrimp and when to splurge is something the adults in a household should decide on together. Then be prepared to defend their choices from friends and family, because opinions are like...

A wife turned to the "Am I Overreacting" (AIO) subReddit for feedback after clashing with her mother-in-law or frugality.

AIO is a "subReddit to help figure out if you overreacted to something, or if you were justified."

Competitive-Dust9851 asked:

"AIO for banning my mother-in-Law from our home after I found out she’s been 'auditing' our trash to prove I’m a 'wasteful' wife?"

The original poster (OP) explained:

"I (27, female) have been married to 'David' (31, male) for two years. His mother, 'Linda', has always been 'frugal' (her words) or 'obsessive' (mine). She grew up with nothing, so I tried to be patient, but things reached a breaking point yesterday."

"I noticed that every time Linda visits, she spends an unusual amount of time in the garage near the bin area. I thought she was just being helpful with the recycling. Yesterday, I came home early from work and caught her with a pair of gloves, literally spreading our kitchen trash out on a tarp."

"She had a notebook. She was documenting things like:"

"Half-eaten containers of leftovers."

"'Perfectly good' vegetable scraps that weren't composted."

"The brand of paper towels I buy (she thinks they’re too expensive)."

"A pair of David’s socks that had a small hole that I threw away instead of darning."

"When I confronted her, she didn't even look ashamed. She told me she’s compiling a 'financial intervention report' for David to show him that I am 'bleeding his future dry' with my 'extravagant' lifestyle. For context, I work full-time and make more than David."

"I lost it. I told her to get out and that she is banned from our house until she gets professional help. David came home and is now saying I’m 'overreacting to an old woman's quirk.' He says she’s just 'anxious about his security' and that banning his mother over 'looking at garbage' is cruel and 'nuclear'."

"He wants me to apologize so we can have Sunday dinner. I told him if she steps foot on our property, I’m staying at a hotel. He says I'm being 'manic' and 'controlling'."

"AIO, or is this a massive violation of privacy?"

Some Redditors weighed in by using the AIO voting acronyms:

• NOR - Not OverReacting
• YOR - You OverReacted
• MOR - Maybe OverReacting
• INFO - more information needed

Redditors decided the OP was not overreacting (NOR).

"NOR, but your bigger problem is your husband. Why does he care more about how his mother feelings than yours‽‽‽ If you don’t nip this in the bud now, this will be your future. And you better not go to Sunday dinner." ~ Careless_Welder_4048

"The trash is weird, but his refusal to have your back is the real issue. He's choosing her surveillance over your peace." ~ Separate-Set8710

"So David wants you to apologize for being upset that his mom dumped your household trash on your floor and then did a report on it????"

"I would have asked my MIL to leave as well."

"David is wrong....and needs to tell Linda how much her insane behavior and inability to mind her own damn business disturbed you." ~ ImaginationNo7722

"Not only that, but she is only doing it to show that OP is a bad wife!" ~ PreparationPlus9735

"I think everyone who isn't a lunatic would feel the same way. David is a lunatic like his mom." ~ Punkpallas

"NOR. If both you and David were at work, how did your MIL get in the house? If she has a key, you need to change your locks. If you change your locks, make it very clear to your husband that his mother is not to have a key to the house. She has absolutely no reason to be there when her son is not there."

"Your bigger problem is your husband. You need to set these boundaries hard and now with him and tell him they are non-negotiable and you expect him to have your back."

"Good luck, unfortunately, I think you’re really going to need it." ~ seaturtle541

"NOR. By the way, does mommy know you out-earn Sonny Boy? You need to tell her that, too." ~ jonwar5

"I'm no lawman, but isn't going through other people's trash while it's still on their property pretty illegal in the States? My MIL is a bit nutty, but at least my husband is more annoyed by her than I am."

"If this happened in our family, it would be a scandal gossiped about for weeks. Rightfully so. If my husband took his mum's side, it would be marriage counselling and a demand to change his ways or I would be so out." ~ tonksndante

"Do not procreate with this man." ~ KombuchaBot

"What in the actual hell, David‽‽ Tell David The Internet said he needs to get his mom an intervention immediately because that's wild."

"NOR. Do better, David!" ~ OrizaRayne

The responses included several Schitt's Creek GIFs as Redditors went in on David.

~ 4SureMaybe_4SureNot Giphy

"David, David, David…..you know you are wrong. David, I think it’s time to reevaluate some dynamics here. It’s really important that you support your wife and prioritize your relationship."

"It’s time to stop being a mommy's boy. You need to prioritize your wife and support her."

"Enabling your mother isn’t helping her or your relationship. It’s important to encourage her to seek the help she needs and to stand by your wife." ~ Who_Am_I_1978

"Ew, David! NOR That’s insane! Like clinically. Please call a wellness check on her. I assume she’s a hoarder and could benefit from some inpatient therapy." ~ overZealousAzalea

"Who the F audits trash‽‽" ~ little_astronaut_k

"David's Mum, obviously! NOR. Absolutely crazy." ~ Keepuptheworkforyou

~ overZealousAzalea Giphy

"Apparently mommy thinks little Davey can do better but we all know he can't cuz he has mommy in his back pocket making his decisions for him." ~ Acrobatic_Ad5722

"David is a mama's widdle man dressed up as an adult. Grow up and cut the apron strings, David!" ~ HeyPrettyLadyMaam

"People with scarcity trauma usually do stuff like this. My granddad used to do it with wine and beer bottles when we were growing up. He would monitor how much we’d drink because he didn’t have anything growing up in a village. Also, control freaks do it." ~ Better-Park8752

"This is just on another level. Boundaries need to be set. David needs to talk to his mommy because this is so weird and so unfair to you. Personally, I'd feel so violated. NOR." ~ little_astronaut_k

"Gustavus Swift audited the trash at his business. He hated waste, so he looked at everything. They started making soap from the rendering of his meat packing factories."

"He hated to see a pencil that wasn't fully used. He was extremely wealthy, but his obsession was not wasting things. I agree with him, but don't practice it. I throw out way too much."

"Somewhere in between me and OP's MIL lies a healthy compromise. I think OP might be closer to where the proper level of frugality lies." ~ Beginning_Tap2474

"NOR… tell David to tell his mother that he is sucking your financial future because you actually make more money than he does."

"I would never apologize to her… what she did was gross and a huge invasion of your privacy!" ~ SportySue60

"NOR. Are you sure it was your MIL and not three raccoons in a trench coat? That's trash panda behavior." ~ ShinyAppleScoop

"Hmmm... Tell him, 'David, time to show me a little respect in my own house. And time to join your mummy. You and she are bleeding my finances and future emotional life dry'." ~ withcatlikegrace

"Mummy can teach him how to darn his own damn socks." ~ frolicndetour

"This is the kind of behavior that precedes hoarding, which isn't an old lady quirk, it's a severe mental health issue. This needs nipping in the bud. NOR." ~ DollySheep32

"This behavior can be related to hoarding, but it can also be a mental illness all on its own."

"Hoarding is a serious mental health issue, but your MIL might have a different serious mental health issue. And either she is straight up evil or she has a serious mental health issue." ~ eaca02124

"I have a mother like that. She shuts up for a time, then it slowly builds until I tell her to drop it. If I don't, eventually she will be furious that I bought oranges, because 'do you know we only got oranges for Christmas, if we were lucky!'." ~ HRDBMW

"I once watched my aunt's MIL take a partially peeled orange out of the trash that my aunt had just thrown away (which she saw) because it was shriveled inside. The woman said it was so wasteful, oranges are a treat, so she took it out of the trash and ate it. Was disgusting on several levels." ~ PreparationPlus9735

"NOR but David needs to stay in the hotel not you, why should you leave your home over this let your husband go stay with his frugal quirky mommy if he cares about her feelings so much over his wife’s feelings." ~ Important_Count8954

OP may not have her husband's support, but the internet has her back. Her mother-in-law's behavior is disrespectful and disturbing.