Our homes can present health hazards in various forms. One is through a lack of cleanliness.
Filth can lead to the growth of molds, mildew, and bacteria that can be hazardous to a person's health. Excessive dust can lead to respiratory infections and illness.
But what if only one person in a household feels the need to keep things clean and tidy?
A teen turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback over their father's filth.
EnvironmentOther1464 asked:
"AITA for wearing latex gloves and fighting with my mom because of my dad’s severe lack of hygiene?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I'm 15 years old and having serious problems at home, and I think I'm going crazy. My father has terrible hygiene issues."
"He only showers once a month, uses the same bar of soap for a whole year, doesn't use shampoo, and hangs his dirty, sweaty clothes in his room instead of washing them."
"Because of this, I've developed an excessive preoccupation with hygiene. Right now, I can't touch anything outside my room without wearing latex gloves."
"I usually clean the whole house by myself: I wash the dishes, sweep, mop the floor, wipe down the tables and shelves, etc... (sometimes my mom does it) every three days, but I avoid my parents’ and my brother’s rooms and, of course, the bathrooms, because I don’t dare to do it."
"Just looking at them makes me feel like my head is going to explode, but even when I’m cleaning, he walks in and starts touching everything with his dirty hands (by the way, his method of washing his hands is just with water)."
"Well, my mom cleans it every now and then, but not very often; I think the last time was months ago. The house is clean because I take care of cleaning it myself so I can have some peace of mind, but when he gets home, he makes a mess of it again, so it’s like a never-ending cycle."
"So, to avoid having to clean everything all over again every day and every hour, I’ve started wearing gloves so I don’t get so tired."
"But anyway, lately I’ve been trying to just ignore him; I guess I don’t have a choice."
"The situation has gotten so bad that I only shower once a week because the thought of using the shared bathroom or touching anything he's touched gives me unbearable anxiety."
"I've argued with my mother about this several times. She thinks I'm an idiot for telling him to shower or at least wash his clothes, and she sees it as a total lack of respect towards him."
"She doesn't understand that this environment is making me mentally ill and ruining my daily life. My mother makes me feel like I'm overreacting, but I live in a constant state of stress."
"Am I really the bad guy? Am I exaggerating? Help!"
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
"I may be the idiot because I confronted my father about his hygiene and started wearing latex gloves, which my mother considers a disrespectful, dramatic, and hurtful action that creates tension and judges my parents in their own home."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"NTA. Hey sweetheart- if you live close to a Planet Fitness, they’re offering free memberships to teenagers for the summer! You could definitely shower there!"
"I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, and in the fall when you’re back in school, please talk to your guidance counselor about it. Hopefully they can connect you with some resources!" ~ meghanlindsey531
"Ironically you’re becoming unhygienic being so worried about his hygiene. Keep the shower clean keep yourself clean. He never uses it, so by your logic it shouldn’t be too dirty."
"Also, just wash his clothes while he's not wearing them. Just do it."
"Yes, this enables his behaviour, but it solves your problem." ~ u399566
"Enabling is always seen as bad thing. It isn't when it keeps you sane, when you can cannot escape. Meanwhile, OP, definitely NTA. Daddy's mental issues (and Mommy's) do need addressing obviously, and please keep note of it all in case you need to tell authorities to protect yourself, but don't let him drag you to his level."
"Fifteen, you're old enough to fix some of this. At least enough so you're okay. Ideally your parents would start acting like grownups. It's not going to happen."
"If you don't know how to do the different cleanings, you can literally Google best ways to deal with the cleaning issues. E.g. bicarb of soda sprinkled over carpet or floor, brushed around then vacuumed up, takes the reek with it. Some left either in the carpet or in dish/ container with open lid, out of the way, absorbs more stink."
"If Mommy Useless interferes, and she well may, explain you're not being mean to (possibly) bipolar Dad, (for her to think so isn't rational, but at least you will know, her protection of him means none for you)."
"Instead, you say you're helping them both out by cleaning. You can even lie, say that you're sorry you were laying it all on them, that you hope it's okay if you fix this problem yourself."
"With trying to fix where you live, I would also be looking elsewhere. Are there any relations you could ask for a room till you get through high school? People like your mother and father may think they hide their conditions. They don't. It's not just people who live with them who figure them out. You may find your relations are happy to try to help you."
"No rellies? All Western countries have assistance for kids. Accessing it means proving your parents aren't fit to raise you. Just not showering isn't enough. Are they providing food, shelter and education? Do they continually move so that you cannot access any assistance? Have they taken you out of school? Are they violent to you or each other? Do you have clean clothes to wear? Do you have school supplies?"
"People here will be will be able to point you in the right direction for help in your area. I don't mean tell people where you live, just generally so they can pinpoint exactly where you can get help. Hang in there, don't let your dad get to you, he is literally your mother's problem. In fact that can be your mantra. When one is talking, just say in your head, not my problem, not my responsibility. Repeat and refuse to rise. Much love & best wishes." ~ RongRyt
"NTA. I'd be self reporting to CPS and my school counsellor. You have every right to be so disgusted with that living situation." ~ rasalscan
"That’s f*cking gross and unhealthy. Either you have a complex from his lack of hygiene or your home is unclean and unsafe enough for you to have to wear gloves, in which case you need to speak to a trusted adult and tell them what’s going on in your home. This is not healthy and obviously NTA. You are too young to be dealing with such matters and deserve a clean and healthy life and home." ~ Chyeahhhales
"NTA. Please talk to a counselor at school, a trusted adult, call CPS yourself. This whole situation sounds very unhealthy all the way around." ~ genx21me918
"First off, you are NTA. However this is a larger issue. You need to talk to someone local to you who can help you. You are going to end up with some pretty severe phobias (none of which will be your fault to be clear) because of these habits. they are already affecting your hygiene because you are anxious to be in places you feel are filthy. Without proper intervention for both yourself and your family you are at risk of making this worse."
"I hate to say this when you need real help, but this is above Reddit's pay grade. You need trusted local adults in your area and therapy. But to be clear none of this is your fault. You are right that your dad’s hygiene is affecting you. I just don’t think you have the tools to understand just how much. I’m so sorry." ~ bagofletters
"NTA at all this is really really disgusting and I’m sorry you have to deal with it. If living with other family isn’t an option I’d tell a trusted adult at your school and see what they may be able to do to help you. Although this technically may not be neglect, it’s still really inappropriate for someone your age to be exposed to." ~ affectionate_joint
OP's home sounds like a legitimate mental health hazard. Outside intervention may be required since they have several years left before they can legally leave.
Hopefully they can get into a better situation soon.
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