A lot of parents are asking whether their children’s photos should be on social media.
Is it safe? Is it fair to their children who haven’t consented to being displayed publicly? Who gets to decide?
A woman turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after a conflict with their ex husband over their children’s photos.
Its-brittany-betch asked:
“AITA for asking my ex husband’s girlfriend to stop posting our kids on social media?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (33, female) have asked multiple times that my ex husband (32, male) ask his girlfriend to stop posting our kids on social media. Every ask has been met with lots of conflict and arguing.”
“My favorite line is him claiming I’m being controlling.”
“Here’s some back story for y’all. We were together for 11 years, married for 6, we have two kids together and he helps raise my oldest.”
“We’ve been separated since last Halloween and divorced fully since May. Ex husband and his girlfriend have been together since February, she met my kids about 10 days after she met him and has been in their lives ever since.”
“He met her online January 30th, they went on their first date February 3 or 4, he moved out of my house February 7 or 8, and was introduced to her kids February 10 and my kids February 20.”
“They then moved in together in May and the excuse they used to have the kids meet each other so soon was not being able to have the kids around was affecting them on having time get to know each other.”
“They live together and she seems to really love my kids. I don’t really have a problem with her, except she continues to post my kids on social media with captions that make me and my family members extremely uncomfortable.”
“I don’t post my kids on social media often, and when I do it’s a couple pictures and it’s private just fun updates for long distance family. She’s posting 60-70 pictures at a time and frequently, with captions like ‘our girls’.”
“She also doesn’t like that I post about the things my ex husband did to me through our relationship so she has my Facebook blocked so most of these posts are being shown to me by close family and friends who see it and are uncomfortable.”
“I only post memes about cheaters and liars. He’s mad cause the boot fits. I have him blocked now so he can’t see it anymore.”
“My ex husband thinks I’m just trying to be controlling and refuses to do anything about it.”
“She’s posting it publicly hence my family being able to see it and tell me about it. That’s been the main issue, but also that she’s known my kids for a handful of months and is trying to erase me….”
“And I feel bitter, but at the same time as their mother I have to protect them! It’s super conflicting.”
“I’d be OK with it if she wasn’t just a girlfriend who’s known them for a handful of months and she wasn’t doing it every day and that many pictures.”
“I’ve posted my children 6 times this year in private posts for friends and relatives. Their birthdays, Halloween, vacation, and Santa’s village. She’s posted them publicly 18 times this month.”
“Am I the a**hole for asking for these posts to be removed and for her to stop posting them?”
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
“I’ve been called controlling and an a**hole because I’ve asked that posts about my children on my ex husband’s girlfriend’s social media be removed.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. Talk to a family lawyer. Ask if there’s a possibility of adding a clause that his girlfriends may not post their children’s faces to social media as it is a safety concern.”
“That’s where you should start.” ~ WhatTheActualFck1
“NTA for your request, but I don’t think even a judge would grant your request. You both will have to stop posting or you will just waste your time.” ~ Distinct-Session-799
“There’s a new ad on Irish TV about the dangers of posting your kids online that’s getting traction abroad:”
“It’s very powerful. You could show it to your ex as a reason why you don’t want photos of them up on social media.”
“Personally, I think kids are little individual humans that have a right to their own privacy.” ~ Historical_Step_6080
“Most digital photos have exif data. Exif data can consist of the device used to take the photo, the time and date the photo was taken, and, most dangerously, the gps coordinates of the location where the photo was taken.”
“Say that there’s a guy named Mr. Creepy. Mr. Creepy is on Facebook- just scrolling through until he sees a Mom with a toddler that has a public profile with lots and lots of photos.”
“If Mom has a lot of photos of home? The Exif data reveals where she lives.”
“If Mom has a lot of photos of a park where she takes her toddler? Mr. Creepy can pull the exif data to find out the location of the park and, oh, the dates and times show that Mom goes to the park with her toddler every Saturday at 9am.”
“Mr. Creepy can then go to park at 9am on a Saturday and snatch the toddler when Mom turns around for just a minute.” ~ Emotional-Sign8136
“This is exactly why I don’t post pictures of my kids, and no one else is permitted to do so either. I’ve also denied permission for the schools to share their names or images, both online and in marketing materials.”
“OP, NTA for the request but seeking legal advice is your best option here. I’d expect to be advised to take stuff down yourself, before bringing social media into a formal/legal discussion.”
“I’m truly sorry to hear you’ve had some tough times and have needed to share that story—but in this situation, they’ve got it as evidence that you’ve posted about him/them and could potentially use it against you.” ~ SecretiveBerries
“It isn’t appropriate for her to post pictures of your children. She isn’t their mother. That their own father doesn’t see the potential risks shows he is more concerned about keeping the new supply happier than protecting his children.”
“But you already KNOW he has poor judgement. Anyone who introduces a new partner to their children after knowing that person less than two weeks has exceptionally poor parental judgement.” ~ NooOfTheNah
“NTA, posting kids online in a public forum is a two yes decision (from parents, NOT step parents/partners). That’s not negotiable. When the kids are older it very quickly becomes a three yes decision.”
“Also, stop posting sh*t about your ex online. Really, stop now, delete stuff that you can find. Marks you out as an arsehole. But that’s not the question you asked.”
“My ex treated me like sh*t before she left. I haven’t posted a single unpleasant thing about her in the 6 years since she did. I never will.” ~ unwilling_viewer
“Honestly I would file an amendment in court that includes social media blackout for everyone. No one posts the children on social media, period.”
“Get a family app where everyone can be part of the fun updates, but they are not on social media for the world to see. In this day and age it’s a safety issue.” ~ Ok-Slip-2856
“I don’t even post pictures of my OWN kids without their permission, let alone someone else’s. And calling a kid ‘ours’ when you’ve only been dating someone for a few months is crazy. NTA.” ~ JurgusRudkus
“As someone without any social media (except Reddit), who works with children everyday, and would never even consider posting pictures of any children online anywhere… it is NOT about predators.”
“It’s about privacy, and the fact that children cannot reasonably consent to having their images shared online forever. Kids find that kind of thing extremely embarrassing by the time they’re teenagers.”
“Their autonomy and decisions matter too. I don’t think anyone should be posting pictures of children, including their parents, but that’s just me.” ~ FigFiggy
“I feel like some of these comments don’t understand how unsafe it is in this day and age to be posting THAT MANY photos of children that often. Pay attention to the save to like ratio of her posts. NTA.” ~ mitsakesweremade
“NTA. Kids do not belong on social media. Full stop. Not your own, not your friends, and not your stepkids.” ~ Schlumpfine25
“NTA. You have a right to protect your children’s digital privacy and set boundaries regarding their public image, especially with a new partner.”
“Posting ‘our girls’ and sharing dozens of photos after a few months is overstepping, and your concerns about safety and parental roles are valid, not ‘controlling’.” ~ eliteautosound-sales
Finally, a legel take was shared.
“OK, I feel like I have a different perspective. Everyone is getting caught up in the do kids belong on social media debate and I just don’t think that’s actually the issue here.”
“I’m a family law attorney. The hardest part of coparenting is accepting that (barring some court order saying otherwise) the other parent gets to make parenting decisions during their parenting time.”
“Your ex is their dad. He doesn’t have to agree with you about social media. He is an equal parent (again, barring a court order that says otherwise). So if he, on his parenting time, says the girls can be in photos and the photos can be on social media, then you don’t have a say over that.”
“You can express your feelings to him. You can ask that he change his mind. But you cannot make him change his mind. YTA.” ~ myshellly
The OP got conflicting advice. Which they’ll take isn’t clear, but weaponizing children or social media after a divorce is never a good idea.