No two people have the same taste in food.
Including domestic partners.
This can make cooking meals together somewhat challenging, as one half of the couple might absolutely loathe certain foods their other half positively loves.
Some couples look for a compromise, while others end up with slightly more one-sided results.
Redditor Hot_Fan_132 and her boyfriend enjoyed cooking for one another.
However, whenever the original poster (OP)’s boyfriend was the one doing the cooking, he always made food that the OP simply couldn’t tolerate.
No matter how many times she told him.
On a recent dinner in, the OP caught her boyfriend, almost literally, red-handed cooking her least favorite foods, and called him out on it.
After being called “ungrateful” for doing so, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not eating the spaghetti my boyfriend made?”
The OP explained why she and her boyfriend came ot a head over a plate of spaghetti:
“Me (24 F[emale]) and my boyfriend (23 M[ale]) have been together for about 4 years now going on 5.”
“We live together and both of us cook every now and then for each other.”
“I absolutely CANNOT handle anything spicy, sorry if I am a wuss, but it just ruins any food for me.”
“My boyfriend knows this, and every single time he cooks, he makes it spicy.”
“He thinks I won’t notice because he puts other things in it and denies it every time I ask him if he did.”
“Today he made spaghetti, and I begged him, PLEASE do not put anything hot in it.”
“If he chooses to put whatever ingredients to make it hot in his, I have no problem with that.”
“I serve myself a bowl and guess what?”
“It was spicy ASF!”
“I then asked him what he put in it, and he said, ‘Nothing, maybe it was the sausage.’ I then proceeded to go look at the stove, and I saw red pepper flakes all over the pot.”
“I go tell him what I just saw, he then admits to putting red pepper flakes, but only a little bit.”
“I told him I was not eating it.”
“I leave the room and he starts yelling at me about how ungrateful I am.”
“So my question is am I the a**hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to eat her boyfriend’s spicy spaghetti.
Everyone agreed that not only was the OP’s boyfriend being inconsiderate, but many found his blatant disregard for her spice tolerance grounds for ending the relationship:
“NTA.”
“What else does he know about you that he chooses to blatantly ignore, lie about, or do the opposite of and then gaslight you on?”- RefrigeratorFun4676
“You’re NTA.”
“What is his game plan here, anyway?”
“Is he trying to make sure he never has to cook for you?”- Dittoheadforever
“NTA.”
“Are you sure you want to be with someone who treats you like this?”
“I have a lower spice tolerance than my partner.”
“Whenever my partner makes shared food, they always keep that in mind. Similarly, when I cook for us, I keep my partner’s preferences in mind.”
“That’s how it should be in a healthy, loving relationship.”- apocketfullofcows
“NTA.”
“‘I absolutely CANNOT handle anything spicy, sorry if I am a wuss, but it just ruins any food for me. My boyfriend knows this, and every single time he cooks, he makes it spicy,’ is freakin hostile.”
“When I cook for myself and my bf, I tone down the spices for his portion and spice the heck out of mine.”
“No one needs to serve someone else food that’s spicy af if they love that person.”-TemptingPenguin369
“This is a control thing.”
“He doesn’t seem to like you very much, and he’s a liar.”
“Not sure how much more you need to know about him to make it obvious that you’re in a bad relationship.”
“NTA for leaving the room, or the relationship.”- IllustriousBowler259
‘NTA.”
“Do you want to spend the rest of your life like this?”- OkManufacturer767
“NTA.’
“You’re not ungrateful for not eating something you specifically asked him not to sneak into your food, and he did anyway.”
“If this is something he does a lot, it’s on purpose, and the intent seems clear.”
“He wants you to feel bad for not wanting to eat something he knew you wouldn’t like when he made it.”
“Ask yourself what possible reasons someone would have for that.”
“Are any of them good?”
“What else is he gonna sneak into our food?”
“Or what is he already sneaking into your food?”
“Probably nothing, but that he wants to be able to should be setting off alarms.”- Kitastrophe8503
“NTA.”
“This guy is awful.”
“I like spicy food; lots of people don’t.”
“Lots of people don’t simply dislike it; they can’t eat it.”
“Different people have different tolerances for spice/heat.”
“Why is he so fixated on making you food and sneaking hot spice into it?”
“This is very weird.”
“WORSE, he is lying about it.”
“And trying to make you feel guilty about it.”
“He sounds terrible.”
“Honestly, due to all these issues I’d consider dumping him.”
“Of course, he’ll tell everyone it’s because ‘she didn’t like spicy food’ but you will know the whole story, and should tell it.”
“It wasn’t really ever about spicy food.”
“Also, use spice however you want, but spicy spaghetti?”
“Somewhere an Italian grandma has a wooden spoon with his head’s name on it.”-MarionberryPlus8474
“NTA.”
“He is deliberately choosing to make all your food spicy and inedible.”
“That is not okay.”
“You need to have a conversation about what that behavior says about him.”
“It’s completely disrespectful, and the fact that he then gets mad you won’t eat the food is next level.”-Donutsmell
“NTA.”
“He thinks you’re so dumb you won’t NOTICE the food is spicy.”
“Let that sink in.”
“You deserve so so much better.”
“End this.”- thoracicbunk
“NTA.”
“He makes food that he knows you can’t eat, lies to your face, and then yells at you over it?”
“Dump him.”
“Life’s too short to spend with someone who doesn’t respect you.”- DarkLadyNyara
“NTA.”
“What else is he controlling about?”- Few-Quit6799
“Absolutely NTA!”
“He is totally TA here.”
“My husband knows I can’t handle spicy, and he does most of the cooking anymore.”
“He cooks without it or does it mild for me, then puts all the tobasco, chilies, and spice on his after.”
“When we do our green chilies sauce, I actually make it spicier than he does, and he prefers mine over his.”
“So that says something after 34 years of marriage.”
“But you either need to get rid of him or just make your own dinner every night.”
“He does not care enough about you to cook FOR you the correct way so you’re not having to do without.”
“He’s being totally selfish, controlling, and not empathetic at all to you.”- Ravynwolf_moon
“NTA.”
“This person doesn’t respect you.”
“Why are you still with him?”
“He’s doing this intentionally and gaslighting you when you call him out on it.”- PicklePillz
“NTA.”
“He lied.”
“You had already determined that this food was too spicy for you.”
“You have your limitations, and he knows them.”
“There are some ingredients that can be added after cooking to achieve the same result.”
“Garlic is not one of those, but pepper flake is.”
“He could have saved that for his own portions.”
“He either forgot and fibbed, thinking you might struggle through it and ‘adapt’, or he didn’t care.”
“It doesn’t matter, though: you’re NTA for not being able to eat it, especially since you have made your spice limitations clear.”
“He lied.”
“Messing with other people’s food is unacceptable.”
“Lying is just as bad.”
“He did both.”
“You need to address that when you’re both calm.”
“He might not understand how bad these actions are.”
“Not everyone does.”
“Explain that lying about ingredients and preparing foods for you that you cannot eat is unacceptable and why.”
“If he does understand and he is trying to make you adapt without your consent or exercise some sort of control or something else for which he should obtain your consent, then you need to reconsider eating anything he cooks and how mealtime will work.”
“Or reconsider the relationship, depending on his motives and commitment to whatever these motives are.”
“The lying is a huge problem.”
“Either he cannot admit he messed up, or he thinks you are stupid, or something else that isn’t good. I can’t think of an acceptable reason for lying about adding ingredients to food he serves you that you cannot tolerate.”
“But my experience is limited to my own life.”- 5Tapestries
It’s bad enough that the OP’s boyfriend constantly ignored the OP’s dietary requests.
But that he did so and lied about putting red pepper flakes in the spaghetti makes one question if the majority of the Reddit community is right, and the OP should consider leaving this relationship.
By which time he will have most likely realized that he was the “ungrateful” one, far too late…