Not all relationships are created equal, and sometimes, it takes a while to realize that a relationship is not worth keeping.
But hopefully, we don’t find out in the middle of a grocery store in front of a lot of people, cringed the users of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor azuuredamsel was interested in spending wisely and maintaining a budget for important expenses, such as groceries.
But when she found out her boyfriend didn’t feel the same way, and the Original Poster (OP) found out about it through a tantrum he threw in the middle of a grocery store, she struggled to look at him the same way again.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for leaving my boyfriend at the grocery store after he acted like a total a-hole?”
The OP wished that her boyfriend would be similarly mindful about grocery shopping.
“My boyfriend (28 Male) and I (23 Female) went grocery shopping together last night.”
“I hate grocery shopping with him because he always treats it like a game by grabbing random crap we don’t need and making jokes about the ‘boring’ things I put on the list, like it’s some kind of personal attack.”
“I wasn’t in the mood for his nonsense, but I figured I’d try to stay chill. Spoiler: it didn’t work.”
“We’re halfway through the store, and he’s already tossed in a bunch of overpriced snacks, fancy meats, and a random kitchen gadget we absolutely do not need.”
“I reminded him, nicely, that we’re sticking to the budget this month because I just paid a huge bill, and he completely flipped.”
The OP’s boyfriend escalated the situation in front of everyone.
“He started making these snide comments like, ‘Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize you were my financial manager!’ and ‘Maybe I should just Venmo you for every chip I eat.'”
“I told him to stop, but he just kept going, louder, like he wanted people to hear. ‘Why don’t you write me a little shopping allowance, huh? Would that make you feel better?'”
“People were definitely staring at this point, and I was mortified.”
“I told him I was serious, we needed to stick to the essentials, and he rolled his eyes and said, ‘You’re so uptight, no wonder people think you’re controlling.'”
“That was it for me. I told him I wasn’t doing this and started walking toward the car.”
The OP decided enough was enough.
“He followed me halfway, still yelling, ‘Are you seriously leaving? Wow, real mature!’ but then turned back to the store, probably to pout or buy more unnecessary crap.”
“I sat in the car for like 10 minutes, texting him to stop being dramatic and let’s just finish the shopping and go home.”
“He didn’t reply, so I left.”
“He had his phone, his wallet, and plenty of options for getting home. When he got back later, he was pissed. He said I humiliated him by ‘abandoning’ him, that I overreacted, and that I’m always trying to control him.”
“But honestly? I don’t think I overreacted at all. He acted like a complete child, picked a public fight over nothing, and made me feel like crap for trying to keep us on track financially.”
“Now he’s sulking and making me feel guilty, but I don’t think I did anything wrong.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that she did everything she could have done.
“NTA. You are living with a man-child. He threw a tantrum in the store over not getting some chips and a toy. I am surprised he didn’t lie on the floor and hold his breath since he did everything else in the toddler playbook.”
“You don’t negotiate with toddlers and terrorists, so you were absolutely right to leave him at the store. He is continuing to act like a toddler.”
“I don’t see this relationship lasting at this rate. You are trying to get control of the budget and he wants to make you feel guilty and sulk. That is a huge immature red flag right there.” – ForwardPlenty
“Ugh, this sounds like my ex. When we split, he told people I stole his money when I was the one paying for all the ‘boring’ stuff (like utilities, rent, gas, car insurance, etc) so he could go out with his friends.”
“Ditch the loser now, it’s not going to get better and it will get worse. I am sorry.” – Mammoth_Ad_3463
“NTA… My ex and I got into an argument on the way home from a friend’s house one night and in his tantrum decided to ‘get out and walk’ because I was ‘unbearable,’ as in, disagreeing with him.”
“It was January and we lived in SLC at the time and we were a good five miles from home. I don’t know what he expected. I asked him twice to get back into the car, but he refused and I drove home. He showed up about two hours later mad as h**l and half frozen.”
“A lot of men are giant toddlers. A sad but true reality.” – Repulsive_Boss_2477
“I would dump a dude for disrespecting me in public, which seemed like a stunt to try and force OP to cave, disrespecting the effort put forth to feed his ass given limited funds and for being a jacka** in general. OP, dump this loser. You are NTA.” – chiitaku
“NTA.”
“‘You’re so uptight, no wonder people think you’re controlling.’ This statement is an insult designed to gaslight you into believing your actions are harmful to him when in reality he is being dismissive of your feelings and acting like a kid.”
“I know people already said this but is this really a relationship you want to stay in? He sounds exhausting! I mean, you do you, but do you really want every little thing to be blown out of proportion this way? Do you really want to be with someone who is the type of person who is fine with starting drama like this in public?”
“His behavior would be typical of a 15-year-old who is rebelling against his mother and not a grown man talking to his girlfriend about something important, like setting a budget.” – Open_Ferret9870
“Almost the same thing happened in my last relationship and it really messed up my head and made me think I was the issue at the end. If you can’t have a serious conversation about shopping and budgeting, he is nowhere near ready for a serious relationship.”
“I wish you nothing but kindness and warm memories in your future and hope that things will get better.” – Acehunter246
Others pointed out that the boyfriend only humiliated and embarrassed himself.
“Not to mention that he accuses her of humiliating him, but that is exactly what he was doing to her in the store. He enjoyed humiliating her and being the victim and got mad when she took away his fun.”
“You’re right, he is an absolute man-child and threw a tantrum like a toddler. I would seriously reconsider this relationship. I can’t imagine this was a one-time thing. I am sure there are other ways in which he acts like a child. Normal, mature people do not act this way.”
“NTA.” – alycewandering7
“Everyone there felt sorry for her because he was such a huge @ss, I am sure. But still, she said she felt mortified, so she still seemed to feel at least somewhat humiliated. And that was exactly his goal.”
“She had no reason to feel humiliated, it was all on him. But I get why she might feel that way. Being in public with someone who acts that way is embarrassing.” – New-Bar4405
“NTA. The fact that he’s five years older than you but acts like a toddler says a lot. Personally, I cannot stand being with anyone financially irresponsible, it’s a deal breaker for me. Let alone how he acted after you tried to communicate like an adult.”
“DUMP HIM. He can go f**k himself.”
“Sorry you had to go through this, OP.”
“You’re starting to adult and your boyfriend wants to remain an adolescent. It’s why he chose a woman five years younger.”
“When OP leaves, he’ll continue to choose women between 20 and 25 and will leave them when they become ‘too adult’ for him and find another. That’s unless he can find someone who earns a decent living but also lives paycheck-to-paycheck.”
“(Eyeroll) NTA, OP. You can do so much better.” – Roanaward-2022
“Really? In this economy? NTA. He is 28 years old but acts like a child. And honestly, this is a sign that he can’t be trusted with anything financial if he thinks buying the essentials is boring.”
“I would leave before he gets any bright ideas to drag you into debt. But if you’re trying to stay, my girlfriend tends to buy essentials that we’re both okay with, but sometimes I go shopping on my own to buy what I want separately because I don’t eat what she does sometimes, and sometimes I stick to certain brands.”
“Tell him to go shopping on his own, strictly with his money, if he wants it that badly, and maybe he’ll learn something.” – NiaChase
“NTA. If he can’t stay within budget bounds on a simple grocery trip, imagine what life would be like forever indebted because he wanted the newer, fancier car, the bigger house, the suite aboard ship instead of a balcony stateroom… and suddenly, you find yourself mired in bankruptcy with no assets whatsoever! Dump this loser.” – Aware-Locksmith-7313
The subReddit simply threw their hands up at the idea of this guy and imagined the OP leaving her boyfriend at the grocery store, and that being the end of the relationship. The fact that she was still trying to make it work was surprising to some, but most hoped that she would see this warning for what it was and move on to another relationship.