Money causes problems and solves problems.
It can be the root of all evil… or the savior, as a college student recently found out.
Case in point…
Redditor yosuw wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to give up my college fund to help my parents with their debt?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I just started college this year.”
“Ever since I was little, my grandparents set up a college fund for me, and it’s the only reason I can afford school without taking on massive debt.”
“My parents always knew about it, and it was always meant for my education.”
‘Recently, my parents have been struggling financially due to bad investments and overspending.”
“They sat me down and asked me to use my college fund to help them pay off their debts.”
“They said that since they raised me, it’s only fair that I help them now that they’re struggling.”
‘I said no.”
“I told them I was grateful for everything they’ve done, but this money was specifically for my education, and I wasn’t going to throw away my future.”
‘They got upset and said I was being selfish and ungrateful.”
“My mom even cried, saying she never thought her own daughter would turn her back on them.”
“Now, my parents barely talk to me.”
“I feel horrible, but at the same time, I don’t think I should have to sacrifice my future because of their financial mistakes.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for refusing to give up my college fund?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. They had a legal obligation to the cost of raiding you.”
“Your grandparents specifically set that money aside for your education, not for your parents’ emergency debt relief.”
“I assume they must be pretty desperate, but this is not money they are entitled to, and you don’t owe them for raising you well.” ~ dalealace
“Exactly. They chose to have kids.”
“It’s their responsibility to take care of them into adulthood.”
“You don’t ‘owe’ them for that.”
“OP, focus on your future.”
“You can always help them out when you graduate and have a good job, but beware… keep your finances to yourself.”
“There’s some families that constantly try to mooch off their kids or siblings since you have money and ‘family helps family.'” ~ mca2021
“You don’t owe them for raising you.”
“They choose to have kids, and part of that decision is to feed and cloth and house you; you didn’t ask for any of that.”
“Just like you didn’t ask or make them choose bad financial decisions, and you probably didn’t have any say when they went and spent money on stupid toys or expenses.”
“Since they were the ones making all these decisions, they are the ones who are responsible for the bills.”
“Just because you happen to have some money that was gifted to you, doesn’t give them the right to it.”
“They can ask, but if you say no, that’s the end of it.”
“I agree with other comments, you should call up grandparents and ask them what they think you should do about your parents wanting your college funds.”
“Let them rip your parents a new one.” ~ Dense_Dress_1287
“I agree with this, except that I do not believe OP has any obligation to help them in the future, either, especially during early years when they are trying to establish their own life, and perhaps their own family.”
“Surely the parents can turn to their own parents or siblings, or take out a personal loan or second mortgage, before turning to their child!” ~ Purple-Gap2522
“NTA – That money is for YOUR education, and it’s their own fault for overspending or making bad investment decisions… pretty rich coming from them saying you’re selfish also given they’re asking their own child sacrifice a good education because they made mistakes financially.” ~ Keenhail
“NTA. Where are your grandparents?”
“If they’re still alive, you should tell them what your parents are demanding.”
“Also, depending on how the fund was set up, it could still be their money (legally), and you’re just a beneficiary of it if you go to college.”
“It might not even be yours to give away.”
“If they just put it in a regular bank account, it’s yours, but you should keep it and use it for the purpose your grandparents saved it for.” ~ Ok-Raspberry7884
“NTA, all the way.”
“From the sound of it, if the parents had any right to take the money, they probably would have done so already.
“Now that OP can access the funds for college, they see their chance to get their hands on it.” ~ elangomatt
“NTA. If your mother was crying, I would assume that they are desperate, and you should take steps to safeguard that money, like getting electronic statements and setting multi-factor authentication on the account.” ~ Sharp-Shine-583
“NTA. Listen. If a parent pulls out the ‘I raised you…’ they are almost always the a**hole in the scenario.”
“Unless it’s the rare you did something where them saying ‘I raised you better than this’ is warranted.”
“Children did not ask to be born.”
“The parents chose it. It’s their obligation to feed the child, clothe the child, keep a roof over their head, and all the other stuff that comes with having a child.”
“It’s not the kid taking out a loan where the parents can cash in when the child turns 18.”
“You do not owe them for raising you.”
“Not even a single cent.”
“And I say that as a parent myself.”
“Your grandparents set that money aside so you didn’t have to start your adult life with debt.”
“To help you get the education you want and get a good start on life.”
“And if there’s money left after school. It’s still yours.”
“Use it for further education.”
“A saving towards a home.”
“Your parents are not entitled to that money.” ~ Dangerous-WinterElf
“So THEY’LL be debt-free, despite poor financial decision-making, and OP will be saddled with massive debt because she wants an education?”
“Yeah, lovely.”
“OP should just repeat the same thing back to her feckless mother- someone is definitely selfish here. NTA.” ~ rox4540
“NTA, it is really unfair of them to put you in this situation.”
“They made the decision to have you. You don’t owe them for raising you.”
“Trying to guilt you into rescuing them from bad financial decisions is wrong.” ~ Neat-Character-9894
“Your parents raising you wasn’t them doing you a favor; it was them being responsible for their choices.”
“You didn’t ask to be born.”
“Their financial problems have absolutely nothing to do with the money your grandparents left for you.’
“They’re not even offering to pay you back. NTA!” ~ AlternativeDue1958
“If your parents are bad with money already, then all you would be doing is putting your college fund down the drain.”
“I’ve read so many stories of people giving in to the guilt, paying off family debts, only for that debt to accumulate again down the track.”
‘Put it to your parents that it’s either your debt or theirs- how is that a fair ask of their child? NTA.” ~ Emmyxo212
“NTA and don’t even think about it! Continue your education!”
“Don’t feel guilty.”
“Your parent’s financial mistakes are not your emergency!”
“They don’t get to take your future to solve their problems.”
“Continue school and then live your life guilt-free.” ~ Ok_Clerk_6960
“NTA. You say they are in trouble from their mistakes (investments, overspending).”
“If it was a scenario where someone was made redundant, or a medical bill came through that wasn’t fully covered by insurance, I would be more inclined to help out, but this is your money for your future which you have looked after.”
“What else are they doing to improve their finances?”
“Extra hours?”
“Different jobs at a higher salary?”
“Second jobs?”
“If they aren’t working on it, expecting someone else to bail them isn’t fair.” ~ underwater-sunlight
“NTA. It’s likely that your parents are in the financial position they’re in because they expected you to bail them out.”
“The selfish ones here are your parents who think it’s acceptable to make their child go into debt to pay off their shopping sprees.”
“It was their responsibility to raise you, and you owe them nothing in return.” ~ fenryonze
“NTA. You did the right thing.”
“Also, tell your grandparents what’s going on.”
“They should know that your parents are trying to take their money.” ~ teresajs
“NTA- your grandparents set that money aside for your education.”
“Your parents raised you as it was their duty as parents.”
“That money is to help you get a better start in life.”
“And it sounds like your grandparents knew just what they were doing giving it to you and not to your parents to use.”
“And depending on how the fund is set up and how it was left to you (in a will or just a trust or such) it might not even be legal for it to be used for anything but education.” ~ Fianna9
“Absolutely NOT. NTA.”
“Do not give your parents one red cent.”
“Your grandparents set up this fund for your education.”
“It has been literally set aside to keep it safe for you and your education.”
“Your parents are adults who made these financial decisions.”
“And here’s a secret you should learn now: people who are in debt now will be in debt again later.”
“Giving them money won’t fix the problem.”
“They got into debt through behavior and circumstances.”
“If they don’t change their behavior or circumstances, they’ll just be in debt again later.”
“If you’d like to help them, then you could *consider* offering to pay a small amount of rent over the summer while you live with them.”
“But that’s only if you are planning to live with them over the summer anyway.”
“Another kind of help that you could offer them is that you could offer (when you are on break) to help them go over their bills with a fine-toothed comb, so you can help them find any and all subscriptions that they have and might want to cancel.”
“Rocket Money is one tool that can help, but you can do this yourself as well.”
You may discover that they are overpaying for phone service, streaming services, or other things that would help them to keep their costs down.” ~ sanityjanity
“NTA. Regardless of their weak argument, that’s your grandparent’s money.”
“They need to be the ones to approve any changes to the fund.”
“And I’m guessing your grandparents would tell them to take a hike!” ~ Mmm_Lychees
“NTA – you do not owe your parents for choosing to bring you into this world.”
“They made that choice, and therefore, it was their responsibility to raise you.”
“You absolutely should be grateful for that, but it doesn’t mean you owe them your college savings.” ~ bookishmama_76
‘NTA. Your parents are out of line asking for your college fund.”
“Don’t give in out of guilt.” ~ Educational-Bid-8421
Reddit has your back, OP.
Your parents shouldn’t be laying this on you.
This is your money.
And it’s for education.
Stand your ground.
Good luck.