We often think that there’s nothing wrong with a little playful teasing between friends.
However, we can never be too sure what some people might consider “playful” and what they might consider just plain teasing.
As some jokes, which were truly never meant to cause any harm, might strike a nerve that no one might expect.
Sometimes, even result in relationships being impacted in ways no one saw coming.
Redditor ereb78 had been with her boyfriend since high school.
More recently, though, the original poster (OP) began to notice that her boyfriend was beginning to poke fun at her expense with some frequency.
Something the OP did not appreciate, even leading the OP to seriously consider ending her relationship.
Wondering if she was overreacting, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole Here?” (AITAH).
Unlike the similar “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
“AITAH for breaking up with my boyfriend over a penny?”
The OP explained how a recent penny she picked up proved anything but lucky…
“I (25 F[emale]) and my boyfriend (25 M[ale]) have been dating since high school.”
“He knows I have my weird quirks and rituals due to my OCD, and it has been a prominent thing in our relationship.”
“He knew this before we started dating, and it has never been an issue before.”
“I love him so much, and I may have overreacted, but I don’t know.”
“For some context, I was diagnosed with OCD when I was around 7 years old, and not like where I have to be tidy or anything.”
“For me specifically, I do things in sets of 2, and I have reoccurring thoughts, bad anxiety, etc, etc.”
“At first, I feel like my boyfriend was really supportive.”
“He’d make comments here and there and poke fun at it like, ‘Did you do it twice?’ or something like that.”
“It never really bothered me up until recently, he tries to do things that he knows will upset me and make me spiral just for fun.”
“One thing I like to do is pick up pennies for good luck.”
“Not that I like to believe in luck, but I just always do it, and I feel like I need to do it.”
“So a few weeks ago, he was talking with his friends, and they had brought up something, and I guess they caught me in one of my little habits, it’s one where I have to crack my knuckles a certain way.”
“His friends kind of laugh and ask me what I’m doing.”
“My boyfriend goes, ‘ocd freak’.”
“I knew he was joking, but like why is he trying to embarrass me in front of his friends.”
“A different time, he asked me why I had to be so embarrassing.”
“So the other day, we were walking downtown and I picked up this penny, and he noticed.”
“When we get beside the river, he takes my penny and throws it in there.”
“I started freaking out, and obviously my mind spiraled with thoughts that weren’t true, but still scary like ‘you’re gonna get bad luck’.”
“I literally started to tear up, and he told me I’d be fine.”
“I asked him why he would do that, and he said it wasn’t a big deal.”
“I told him that he knew before we started dating that my OCD was a huge part of who I was and that little things like this really set me off.”
“He told me not to be so sensitive, so I brought up everything he had been doing for the past few weeks, and I told him if he couldn’t accept this part of me, then I didn’t want to be with him. I ended up getting my mom to pick me up, and I haven’t seen him since (it’s only been 2 days).”
“He keeps texting me and apologizing, but I don’t know if I should keep him in my life or not, his weird snarky replies about my ocd and like taking my penny and throwing it.”
“It sounds stupid, but it really made me upset.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was justified in wanting to end her relationship.
Everyone agreed that this was not about a lucky penny, and the OP’s boyfriend was not being respectful, not only to the OP’s condition but to the OP in general, and this was not a healthy relationship for her to remain in:
“Tearing me down to his friends, would have been enough for me.”- Popular_Scarcity_911
“NTA.”
“I have similar rituals, and even when I was heavily medicated, they didn’t really abate.”
“It’s just how I operate, and it always will be.”
“It’s hard enough dealing with OCD I don’t need some dumb motherf*cker intentionally making my sh*t harder.”
“I don’t know about you, but it’s exponentially harder for me to deal with certain rituals and thoughts when I’m being watched or commented on, and it’ll spawn even more embarrassing rituals and darker thoughts.”
“Dating someone like your asshole ex would have eventually been a death sentence for me.”
“My wife doesn’t understand my OCD like, at all.”
“In the 20 years we’ve been together all I’ve ever had to say is ‘damn OCD’ and she knows I’m struggling and is supportive.”
“There are people in the world who don’t hate who you are, go find one of them and leave this loser behind.”- Dragon_Bidness
“NTA.”
“He knew about your OCD from the start, and now he’s using it to mess with you for fun.”
“That’s messed up.”
“The penny thing and calling you a freak in front of his friends isn’t okay.”
“He is just being a jerk.”- LandscapeFrosty8940
“NTA, it wasn’t the penny, it was just the last straw.”- RyanStl_IH8MUD
“One of my children has OCD.”
“I would never do anything to intentionally trigger him!”
“That is cruel.”
“We go to an OCD specialist twice a month, and I am in there with him so I can learn how to help him work through the thoughts and compulsions.”
“I feel like if your boyfriend truly loves you, he would want to help you instead of triggering you.”
“Dump him.”- wittyname78
The OP later returned with an update, sharing what she ultimately decided to do, while also offering some insight into her condition:
“First of all, thank you to everyone who commented on my original post, if you haven’t read it, please do.”
“Even the hate comments taught me something, OCD is so misrepresented on the media.”
“I’ve been in my own little OCD circle, and haven’t really met people like me.”
“I’ve had a lot of people telling me to just ‘get help’ and that my condition was completely manageable.”
“Before I get into the update, I want to explain a little more about my OCD.”
“I’ve had several people say it was the cute kind because I have ‘quirks’.”
“I appreciate people trying to paint it as something not so bad, but remember folks, your knowledge of other people on the internet is limited.”
“When I was younger, I refused to eat or drink any foods not prepared by me because I was afraid they were poisoned.”
“Yes, I was afraid my own friends and family tried poisoning me.”
“Another thing, I have extreme health anxiety, I am very body conscious, and every time something feels off, even slightly, I go to the doctor.”
“I sometimes go twice a week.”
“I have periods where I’m okay, and I feel like I’m finally doing better, and then it all comes back again.”
“It’s exhausting, also exhausting that so many people think I can go into remission and heal myself.”
“A lot of people compare their disorders of BPD, ADHD, etc, etc to mine and tell me since THEY got better, I can and that I’m ‘not working hard enough’.”
“Funny enough, that day I went out with my boyfriend, I had a single OCD moment.”
“Usually, it’ll come randomly, ‘if you touch this, you’ll die’ or ‘ if you don’t do this, you’ll die’.”
“So this all happened 4 days ago.”
“I tried not to answer him when he’d text me, maybe a little okay here and there.”
“The gist of it is basically that I should’ve known he was joking.”
“He turned it from he was sorry to I SHOULD be sorry.”
“I asked him if he even understood my side, and he said ‘no, but maybe we can talk in person’.”
“I told him that we could meet, but I was pretty firm in my stance.”
“We had dinner last night, and he said he was out of line, even afterwards when texting me.”
“He told me he couldn’t lose me and that he loved me.”
“He told me he did some research on OCD and compulsions and learned that these things can be really triggering for some people.”
“I told him thank you for saying that, but I needed to work on myself.”
“I’ve been with him for 8 years, I don’t know myself without him.”
“I told him we could still be friends, but he really hurt me, and this was my opportunity to now work on myself.”
“Later, though, his mom texted me, and she said I was making a mistake.”
“His mom loves me, and I knew she would probably be more devastated than he was.”
“I told her that my decision was final and that he really hurt me.”
“She basically told me that I was just looking for a reason to leave him, because that was ridiculous.”
“I told her it wasn’t true, and I even explained all of the other circumstances.”
“She told me to give him one more chance, and I left her on read.”
“I don’t even know if I want to speak to him anymore, but I do know that I’m glad I did this for myself.”
“Again, thank you to all the commenters who supported me…”
Generally, the bare minimum anyone hopes for from their partner is to stand up for and protect them.
Not refer to them as an “OCD freak” in front of their friends.
One of the main reasons most people don’t remain with their high school sweethearts is the simple stage of maturing.
Something it seems the OP’s boyfriend has yet to do…