It’s true that family should be there for each other through the highs and the lows.
But for many people, their family members are the most entitled and judgmental people they know, cringed the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Stock_Sun4958 was a new mom who had just recently moved on from breastfeeding, though she was keeping the door open to the idea of more babies and more breastfeeding in the future.
So when her father reached out to her, expecting her to give her breast pump to her sister as a baby shower gift, the Original Poster (OP) was angry, but it was especially insulting that her sister had not been there for her in any way while she was pregnant or a brand new mom.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for not giving my sister my breast pump?”
The OP had a one-year-old child and had just moved on from breastfeeding.
“I (21 Female) had my baby a little over a year ago and stopped breastfeeding about a month ago.”
“I was an extreme over-producer, making an extra 200 ounces of milk every day.”
“So I had spent a lot of money on getting a nice medical pump that wouldn’t give out on me after a couple of uses.”
Though she was done breastfeeding for now, the OP did not feel inclined to share her breast pump with her sister, who’d shown little interest in her.
“My older sister is getting ready to have her baby in a couple of months, and my father had asked me if I would give her my pump.”
“After a couple of weeks of thinking about it, I told him no.”
“He asked why, and I went on to explain that my older sister didn’t even try to have a relationship with me, even after I’ve reached out and have checked on her throughout our entire lives.”
“I told him when my daughter was in and out of the hospital for months on end because of her epilepsy and her seizures just getting worse and worse, that my sister hadn’t even reached out once asking how her niece was doing.”
“And how she never reached out through my entire pregnancy, no matter how much I tried to talk to her.”
The OP was accused of being immature but felt confident in her decision.
“I was told I was being immature, but I don’t feel like I am.”
“I just don’t think I should give her my pumps after she hasn’t even tried having a relationship with me.”
“I already gave her my daughter’s old bassinet, some old clothes, and a couple of other baby things.”
“I feel like I have every right to say no when my sister puts no effort into our relationship.”
“But I started thinking maybe I was wrong to say no, so am I wrong for not wanting to give my sister my breast pump?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some agreed with the OP and understood where she was coming from.
“NTA. Your reasons for not wanting to gift your pump to your sister sound reasonable to me.”
“I’ll add that someday you may need that pump again and, I’d bet, your sister wouldn’t much care about getting it back to you then.” – Realistic_Head4279
“NTA. OP might want more than one kid, and she’s already given her sister plenty of starters. It’s okay to keep something for yourself. For memories, for use, or for just because.”
“You don’t have to give her everything you’re done using at the moment. Just because it’s not a necessity now doesn’t mean it won’t be eventually.”
“And with how little her sister shows up for her, I know if OP somehow managed to get it back (probably won’t, the sister will either ‘lose it’ or a friend will need it more) with all the wear and tear the sister puts on it, it probably won’t be in great condition if it even still works.” – HeyPrettyLadyMaam
“NTA. She can get one for free from insurance. And breast pumps are expensive. And some can’t even be shared for hygiene reasons. Plus you already have a great excuse: you WANT it and more babies!” – Narwal_Pants
“NTA. You’re not supposed to share those. You also are supposed to replace non-hospital grade pumps after a year.”
“If you’re American, she can likely get one for free. Also, different pumps work differently for different people. My friend hated her hospital’s pump and loved the Spectra. Spectra just made me hurt.”
“She will want to research and get her own.” – oneelectrichseep
“NTA. And honestly, at this point, I’m suprised OP gave them anything.”
“I’d be going no contact, until she tried to reach out to me with sincere reasons, not because SHE WANTS something.” – De-railed
“You don’t need a reason to say no to anything. No is a complete sentence. NTA.” – krisiepoo
“Don’t JADE: Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain. You were asked, your answer was no.” – GrowFlowersNotWeeds
“NTA. I wouldn’t give her the shit off my shoe… But it doesn’t matter, you said no and don’t have to give a reason.” – Odd_Substance_9032
Others pointed out that the OP’s dad could gift his daughter a pump if he felt so inclined.
“Tell Dad to mind his own business. He should not get in the middle of things between the sisters. He should just buy one himself if he feels like she needs one so badly.” – Vdavwil
“Remind your father that he is not entitled to give other people’s stuff away. NTA.” – JoyReader0
“NTA. Why tf is your dad asking this? It’s one thing for your sister to, but your dad??? That’s just weird.” – PipeInevitable9383
“I think your dad should buy her one. You’re under no obligation to give anyone anything, for any reason, or no reason at all.” – geniologygal
“NTA, even putting aside your sister’s lack of interest in you and your child. Not saying anything about you, but… Would sharing something like that be sanitary? I know your child is getting nutrition from it, but it is still bodily fluids.”
“Don’t fret about it, though. Tell your Dad if he wants her to have a pump like that, he can purchase one for her.” – Mumchkin
“NTA. This is a classic case of, ‘Give them a hand, and they’ll take the whole arm,’ and Dad is REALLY not helping right now.” – Shinjipu
“Nope. Just say you sold it or gave it to another friend. Your sister is the a**hole, and why is your dad asking you? I find that odd that he’s asking and not your sister.”
“You bought it, and you can do whatever you want with it. Your sister is definitely the a**hole, and your dad is on his way there.” – T21Mom2012
“NTA. Tell him you’re saving it for your next baby.” – rosegarden207
“NTA. She does not get to snub you and then demand ANYTHING, much less an expensive pump. It sounds like your sister’s the Golden Child and is used to getting her way.” – Teamtunafish
“NTA. Your DAD asked you for your breast pump for your sister? Your DAD? That alone tells you she knows she was an AH to you. Keep it.”
“If she doesn’t even care about you enough to talk to you about acquiring this pump, keep it. If she made Daddy ask you because she thought you’d be more likely to say yes to him than to her (that’s telling), then keep it. Keep it, keep it, keep it, for as long as you want or need.” – LolaSupreme19
“What’s so special about the pumps over the bassinet and clothes? It’s your stuff, you don’t have to share if you don’t want to.”
“I just don’t see anything other than, ‘Well, she was mean, and I don’t want to.’ Which is fine, but you have to own it. If you’re going to be a bit petty, do it, you have justifiable reason to be that way, but admit to it. And you don’t have to feel guilty about it.”
“Again, I just don’t see the difference in the pumps vs the other things. Or did you just decide enough is enough?”
“Especially because she didn’t even ask you; she got your father to ask you. Because either she knows she’s been dismissive of you and is embarrassed to keep asking for things, or because she knows you’re more likely to feel guilty and cave if someone asks on her behalf.”
“So SHE’S being massively petty and manipulating. More reason to say no.” – indi50
The subReddit was glad to see that the OP was standing up for herself and setting boundaries that worked for her and her one-year-old.
While it might be nice to help the family, it sounded like the OP had already helped by offering a bassinet, clothes, supplies, and multiple offers for communication and a more meaningful relationship. If her sister couldn’t appreciate that, it was her loss.