Traveling with a group of friends can be difficult.
Generally speaking, no two people ever want to do precisely the same things.
Resulting in frequent conflicts over what to see, where to eat, and what to do, and often making the return flight home far less joyous than the arriving flight to the destination.
Redditor lateatdinner couldn’t wait to go on her bachelorette weekend with her bridesmaids.
Though the original poster (OP) was less than thrilled to hear that one of her bridesmaids wanted to veer off and do her own thing.
When this same bridesmaid was later late to a dinner she had planned, the OP was downright angry.
In spite of the rather poignant reason, she was late.
Wondering if she overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my cousin she can’t run off to do her own thing, when she was late to dinner on my bachelorette trip.”
The OP shared why she was so upset by her cousin’s late arrival at a dinner during her bachelorette weekend.
“I’m (30 F[emale]) getting married soon and went to NY for my bachelorette trip recently.”
“There were 8 of us including my cousin Hayley, (33 F[emale]) who’s one of my bridesmaids.”
“We were only there for a couple of days, and there were a few different things we wanted to do.”
“Also I only asked people to pay for their flight and hotel share, I paid for everything else.”
“I made early dinner reservations for everyone on our last night, and we were going somewhere else after.”
“Hayley mentioned that day she wanted to go visit a cemetery to pay her respects to visit her late husband.”
“I said okay but to be back in time to go to dinner.”
“I made the reservations for 5, and it was already 4:30, but Hayley wasn’t back at the hotel.”
“A couple of us called, but she didn’t pick up, and she sent a text saying she was running late and she would meet us at the restaurant.”
“She ended up coming close to 6.”
“I talked to her later about being so late and managing her time better, Hayley made an excuse, but I replied this was supposed to be a girls’ trip, not so she can go run off to do her own thing without thinking of anyone else.”
“She got pretty upset, and we flew back the next day, but she kept quiet, and my sister said she saw her crying.”
“I did text her later, but she left it on seen.”
“My sister thinks I shouldn’t have said that to her, but a couple of the other girls agree Hayley shouldn’t have been late.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The OP received little to no support from the Reddit community, who unanimously agreed that the OP was indeed the a**hole for the way she treated her cousin.
Everyone agreed that the OP was beyond insensitive to her cousin, particularly since she as didn’t miss the dinner entirely, but was merely late.
“YTA you do not put a timer on something like visiting your deceased husband’s grave.”
“WTF?”- glom4ever
“YTA.”
“You owe her an apology.”
“You’re a HUGE AH.”
“It was her dead HUSBAND’S grave?!.”
“Wow.”- jrm1102
“Her ‘own thing’ was visiting a cemetery to pay her respects.”
“And you had to make about yourself and having everything go your way?”
“WTF is wrong with you?”
“YTA.”
“I question if you are mature enough to get married since you thought that one more dinner with you was more important than visiting her HUSBAND’S GRAVE.”
“You are incredibly selfish to lecture someone who was visiting their deceased spouse because they were late.”
“You had an entire trip focused on you, and you couldn’t have the grace to respect what she might be feeling and going through.”
“YTA even more now!”- Diligent-Activity-70
“YTA.”
“She paid for her flight and hotel.”
“She has the right to do what she wants.”
“I’d be more with you if she blew off most of the activities, but she was late to one dinner to visit a grave.”
“You should’ve let that go.”
“I would never talk to you again if you did this to me.”- helenasue
“So, you scolded your cousin (who you apparently liked enough to make your bridesmaid) because she was late to the last thing on the last day of your trip?”
“YTA.”
“Look, I might have felt differently if she’d run off on the first day and you were legitimately worried that she’d used you to pay for a free trip.”
“But first off, this wasn’t until the end of the trip, which means she’d been participating in all the other activities.”
“And secondly, she paid for her own trip!”
“If she wanted to opt out of an activity or two, she’s an adult, and she’s allowed to do it.”
“Furthermore, it’s particularly heartless of you to be this bent out of shape over a trip to a cemetery.”
“That is an emotional thing for her to do and instead of being supportive, you only cared about your image of the trip.”
“Honestly, if I were in her shoes, I’d be having serious second thoughts about whether I was willing to still be your bridesmaid.”
“Unless she actively asked you not to go, you should have gone with her.”
“Seriously, someone you care enough about that you want them to stand up with you on your wedding day is visiting their dead husband while trying to celebrate your happiness?”
“And you can’t briefly delay dinner to provide emotional support?”
“Forget having her be a bridesmaid.”
“If I were in her shoes, I would definitely opt out.”
“The thing you should be worried about now is what your fiancé thinks about your selfishness.”
“Because if I were in his shoes, I’d be having serious second thoughts about whether I wanted to marry someone who thinks dinner trumps a widow visiting her later husband’s grave.”- DinaFelice
“I’m a widow.”
“You are resoundingly TAH.”
“Like on another level, queen of all AHs.”
“I’ve never seen an AITA on here that resulted in more of a YTA response from me.”
“You take the cake.”
“Your cousin, a young widow by the sounds of it, loves you enough to go on this stupid bachelorette trip.”
“Hi, entitled much to expect an entire trip!”
“Despite how triggering this would be for her.”
“She asks for what?”
“A few hours to go see HER DEAD HUSBAND’s GRAVE, and you, entitled bride AH, are upset?”
“I don’t think I’m off-base to guess you weren’t that supportive after her husband died.”
“Did you even ask how she was doing on this trip?”
“Holy hell, YTA. YTA. YTA.”
“I hope your cousin goes no contact with you and doesn’t come to your wedding.”
“I hope you never know her pain.”
“Being widowed is horrific.”
“Grow up and get your head out of your self-centered rear end.”
“Also, your friends who agreed with you are AHs, and your sister is right.”
“I’ll never understand why women think anyone else cares about their wedding.”- Majestic-Web-3570
“YTA.”
“Hayley mentioned that day she wanted to go visit a cemetery to pay her respects.”
“She let you know beforehand she was going somewhere, a cemetery no less.”
“So not for some random activity.”
“A couple of us called, but she didn’t pick up, and she sent a text saying she was running late and she would meet us at the restaurant.”
“She ended up coming close to 6.”
“She texted saying she’ll be late.”
“You and your other friends weren’t late to the restaurant yourself.”
“I would’ve understood if you all waited for her, but she came by herself.”
“Yes she was late, but if one person out of 8 coming late puts this much of a problem on your dinner celebration, it wasn’t much of a celebration, to begin with.”
“Her husband, he was originally from NY and is buried here so she said she wanted to go ‘visit’ him since she’ll be in the city.’
”She went to the cemetery to visit her dead husband.”
“Either all this wedding planning is getting to your head, or you’re genuinely heartless, which one?”
“OP, maybe you haven’t lost someone close to you, but cemetery visits can be extremely, extremely emotional and draining.”
“Even knowing she went to the cemetery to pay her respects to someone makes this a YTA situation for me, but her husband?”
“Of course, she would take this opportunity when she’s in the same state to go to her husband’s grave.”
“You mentioned a friend saw her crying, did you ask her once how she was doing after visiting the grave?”
“How she was feeling?”
“Once?”
“Your wedding is important, yes, but her dead husband is a lot more important to her than anything else, I assure you.”- Pale-Mammoth-9340
Perhaps what’s most shocking about the OP’s behavior is that she didn’t stop to consider how her cousin might miss her husband all the more while celebrating someone’s impending nuptials.
Although, being angry with someone because of their grief is rather questionable to begin with, regardless of the circumstance.
If the OP doesn’t find herself one bridesmaid less than planned at her upcoming wedding, she should consider herself very lucky indeed.