Most of us have had our fair (or not so fair) share of weddings and bridezillas, some of which we may have even been in the wedding party for.
We can mostly say that we toughed it out and complained later.
But one woman on the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit decided to walk out instead.
Redditor Low_Hovercraft6137 decided it was the better option after hearing what the bride had to say about her.
But when she heard how the wedding went later, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she should have handled things differently.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for bailing out from being a bridesmaid the morning of the wedding?”
The OP had an unconventional wedding.
“I’m 28 [female] and I got married six weeks ago. My wedding was a hit. I had a very non-traditional arrangement.”
“My dress was black while my husband wore a white suit. I had six flower kids (2 girls, 4 boys) and my SIL (sister-in-law) was the ring bearer. No one ‘gave me away.'”
“The bridal and the groom’s party consisted of both men and women. There were two MOHs (maids of honor) as my husband’s best friend is also a girl. I had bridesmaids and bridesmen, he had groomsmaids and groomsmen.”
“Everyone loved what we did there. Also, I got married on my Grandparents’ property and my decoration flowers were also provided by them. I own my own clothing line so I designed mine, bridesmaids’ and groomsmaids’ dresses, and all the clothes were made by my business (men’s too), so we saved a lot of money.”
The OP’s friend had a conventional, expensive wedding.
“My friend ‘P’ (25 [female] got married this Sunday. She was my bridesmaid and I was supposed to be hers.”
“Her wedding budget was a lot. She paid for 1/4th of her wedding and her share was double of what mine would have been if I paid for the venue, decorations, and all the clothes in retail. (We paid for everyone’s clothes for my wedding).”
P did not appreciate the OP’s earlier arrangements.
But the night before her wedding, all us bridesmaids and P were in a bridal suite having a spa night and stuff just having fun.”
“After all that was over and everyone was going to bed, while going to the bathroom, I happened to hear a conversation that was going on between P and her MOH.”
“She was b***hing about me and saying that how my wedding was so much cheaper but everyone liked that, and that I have stolen her limelight and thunder by throwing such an unconventional one when I knew that her own dream wedding was more traditional.”
“She called me ‘insufferable,’ a b***h, and a cheapskate.”
The OP didn’t appreciate that.
“I flipped that very second. I was angry and went to my room (which I was sharing with two other friends, R and C).”
“I told them what I heard, and they said P was being ridiculous and I should confront her after the wedding and told me to sleep on it.”
“I tried to but I couldn’t. So I packed my stuff at the crack of the dawn and left.”
“I left a note along with a Ribbon kind of thing she gave us when she asked us to be her bridesmaids and wrote, ‘You can stick this up where the sun don’t shine. FU.'”
Her decision impacted P’s wedding.
“Apparently, this ruined her wedding as she was one bridesmaid less than groomsmen.”
“I also didn’t leave the bridesmaid dress (I paid for it in full) and she wasn’t able to find any replacement.”
“She hasn’t contacted me, but our friends did text me on the morning of the wedding, asking me to come back. I texted everyone, telling them I’ll be back only if she apologizes in front of everyone (just her and the bridesmaids) for saying what she said. She didn’t.”
Everyone’s feelings were conflicted.
“After that, some of my friends said I was being a complete b***h, while others took my side. Many of them are conflicted.”
“My husband says that my actions were justified but I could’ve been the bigger person.”
“Tell me Reddit, Am I the A**hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the bride deserved it after talking about the OP.
“OP did nothing except have a wedding that everyone loved. They didn’t do anything wrong, and then getting called a host of vicious names by someone who was supposed to be her friend.”
“She had a comparatively mild response and didn’t steal or sabotage the wedding, she simply removed herself from a hostile person. NTA at all” – throwmeawayy3309
“Wtf? Someone who pretends to be your friend and berates you behind your back does not, in any logical or rational fashion, deserve a straightforward conversation. She made her bed, now she has to lay in it. NTA, and shame on anyone who would defend the obnoxious bridezilla in this ridiculous situation.” – Mikko420
“Weddings are such a f**king pain in the a**. OPs wedding sounds alright, she did what my sister did which was paid for as much as possible. I’ve been to weddings where that didn’t happen and I just couldn’t believe the amount I was being asked to spend, not including the gifts I was expected to get as well. Bridal shower, bachelorette, and wedding gift.”
“I could have said no, but I said yes, and if you then go on to talk s**t about me after everything I’ve contributed to your f**king wedding, I sure as hell might walk out.”
“The next time you ask someone to spend close to a grand for your wedding, treat them with some respect and like you actually want them there, or don’t be surprised when they drop out or don’t show up.” – Zzzola
“The note was a bit much, but besides that, she did nothing wrong. She has no obligation to stay when the bride is so horrible. I feel like she only kept OP in the wedding to keep it ‘picture perfect.'” – UndeadBatRat
Others thought the OP could have handled the problem differently.
“When I overheard a roommate talking badly about me behind my back I was really hurt by it…and went to a different roommate to talk about it. She helped me see where I’d contributed to tensions but also commiserated about it being s**tty; if I’d gone straight to confronting the one talking s**t, it probably would have been a fight.”
“I don’t know that things would go that well if OP had confronted the bride the night before/morning of the wedding.”
“I do think ESH though. OP took pretty much the most dramatic way possible of dealing with the problem.” – YawningDodo
“Op probably should have walked out of the bathroom and asked the bride to have a chat. Just the two of them. See if they can work it out-with unnecessary drama you can guarantee the outcome won’t be good.”
“Op could have had a direct conversation with the bride and tried to work it out just the two of them – she might have even got the apology she is demanding. However, that’s NOT what op did… op did the opposite and is shocked that the bride won’t apologize!?”
“I mean, come on, you don’t need to be a psychologist to see the issue got blown way out of proportion and could have been settled easily if OP and bride just took the time to talk to each other and get to the real issue.” – seasonz12
“If you’re that offended, you talk to the person. Instead, she ghosted. ESH” – johnny9k
Some assumed the OP had actually been insufferable about her own wedding.
“I’m also curious! I wonder if the bride really said OP’s unconventional wedding was stealing her limelight, or if she said OP incessantly talking about how quirky and unconventional her wedding was, was stealing attention and insufferable.”
“Because honestly I was sighing by the time I got to the middle of OP’s description of her own wedding, and I’m pretty sure if I had to listen to her talk about it for more than 3 minutes I’d roll my eyes so far back in my head I’d need corrective surgery.” – bananapanda123
“OP sounds like she had an unconventional wedding just to brag about how quirky and cool it was.”
“My brother got married 3 months before my SiL and my brother’s wife kept saying things like ‘oh our wedding has x colored decorations’, for example, and it was clear SiL was getting upset so we shut wife down quick.”
“I would bet money that OP won’t shut up about her wedding and it’s making the bride upset. Just from her written description, I wouldn’t want to be around her, either.” – wasabiwasabi_
“I feel like OP skipped over telling us about how they were regaling P’s wedding party with constant stories from their own wedding. OP seems like they might be someone who would have also compared the cost of things between their wedding and P’s without hesitation, which can be really annoying to people.”
“If that happened the night before my wedding I’d be saying that person was being insufferable too.” – DrAniB20
“But it’s very important that we know just how quirky and unique the wedding is because op is definitely not like other girls because she’s not materialistic by spending money and you know everyone just loved her wedding and we all of us internet people really needed to know people loved it. LOVED IT.”
“You’ve got a point, if she went on like that (esp making the comparisons constantly) in this post to randos I cannot imagine how much she’s been talking about it IRL at someone else’s wedding.” – buttercupcake23
“And honestly? The idea that everyone ‘loved’ it is just like… if I went to a nonconventional wedding I’d probably be like oh, neat! But it’s not like I would fall out of my seat about anything OP described because other than like the family, no one really cares.”
“I’m not there to see the color of your dress or how non-traditional the people standing beside you are; I’m just there to see you get married. I can definitely picture OP going on and on inappropriately about her wedding when they’re supposed to be celebrating the friend.” – kacieee
“I also wondered if perhaps every time OP spoke she said something to the effect of, ‘Well at MY wedding…'” – scpdavis
“I’m also doing a small DIY backyard wedding, and forums and websites dedicated to that sort of thing are exhausting. So many people thinking that because their wedding is ~quirky and ~unique and they didn’t spend a lot of money, this makes them better than the majority of brides that choose a more traditional route.”
“With how much detail OP insisted on giving us to describe how her wedding was soooo different from the other bride’s wedding, I’m sure everyone she knows in real life got tired of hearing about it.” – onmywheels
The bridesmaid was fairly certain she was right to stand up for herself and walk out of her friend’s wedding, but the subReddit wasn’t so sure. Some understood where she was coming from, but others thought she could have been the bigger person, or at the very least, not create problems for herself by over-discussing her own wedding in the time of the latest bride.