There’s a lot of controversy surrounding how much the bridesmaids and groomsmen should pay for their wedding attire.
Some couples pay for the outfits and the hair and makeup, so there is not a lot of room to complain about the look. But, it is their wedding and they should have a great time.
Redditor inessathedruid encountered this very issue with her sister. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for insisting my bridesmaid not wear black shoes at my wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“This is ridiculous. But I need someone to tell me if I’m being a bridezilla or not, because my fiancé, other bridesmaids/groomsmen are with me on this, but my sister and mother are making me feel like a complete a**hole.”
“Okay so, first up, my fiancé and I are paying for the majority of the bridal party stuff. This is the norm where we are, or at least in our social circles. We are paying for:”
“Bridesmaids: Dresses, hair (styling), makeup, and jewelry.”
“Groomsmen: Suits, belts, shoes, and cuff links.”
“We’re not paying for the groomsmen hair because they can do it however they like, we’re not paying for the bridesmaid shoes because we don’t care what shoes they wear as long as they’re a light and neutral color (beige, nude, light tan).”
“Our bridesmaids are wearing burgundy dresses, our groomsmen are in navy suits.”
That sounds like a good deal.
“Both of my sisters and a close friend are my bridesmaids (I also have a man of honor who will be dressed the same as our groomsmen).”
“The wedding is in four months and we’ve just started discussing the finer details.”
“So we were discussing shoes on Saturday and one of my sisters announced that she would be wearing black boots to the wedding. I explained that I would like her to wear a lighter neutral colored shoe instead because it would go better with the color scheme.”
“She insisted on black.”
“My mother backed her up and said she didn’t understand why black was an issue. I explained that beige, nude or a light tan would go better with the color scheme (I’m having light pink and orange flowers also if that matters), and that I didn’t mind what shoes she wore as long as they were in a neutral color.”
OP tried to look for solutions.
“I offered to lend my sister a pair of mine if she doesn’t already have some (we’re the same size shoe and I have a fair few pairs in those colors). But my sister wants to wear her black boots and mother insists I’m being completely unreasonable.”
“As I said, I know this is ridiculous. And when it comes down to it it really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. I just really don’t think I’m asking a lot when it comes to shoes.”
“My sister has been contrary the whole way through this process (she has been very vocal about her opinion and disagreeable about our style choices throughout this process) and I’m just a little over it tbh.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA that’s not even a wild request it’s literally part of the dress code and gives a lot of wiggle room. Tell her to suck it up or she won’t be walking in your wedding. Not like you’re asking them to wear some nude Christian Louboutin‘s ffs.” ~ FromTheBack6996
“I’m trying to come up with any boots at all that would be appropriate to wear with a bridesmaid dress that wasn’t for a theme wedding and am coming up short. I have some very nice healed dressy boots that i might wear to a wedding with certain outfits, but I would never dream of wearing them with a bridesmaid dress. Boots in general and full length gowns are a no go.”
“I did have a friend who wore her combat boots with her full length prom dress – but that was a statement, and not the kind that’s ok to make as a bridesmaid.” ~ Music_withRocks_In
“Yeah I have a feeling she probably doesn’t like a lot of things OP has chosen, but she couldn’t really be contrary on things being bought for her. The boots are her little way of standing out and getting her way.”
“I bet if OP bought the whole wedding party the same shoes, she’d want to wear jewelry that was different.”
“Also I’d hazard to say she’s a bit jealous of all the attention OP is getting and wants to steal some.” ~ GeekCat
“NTA. Black boots would be totally inappropriate with a bridesmaid’s dress. I actually don’t think you are being ridiculous. You might have to offer to buy her some shoes to make her cooperate.”
“Just a heads-up, ‘borrow’ means ‘take.’ ‘Lend’ means ‘give.'” ~ WebbieVanderquack
“NTA. Your request is VERY reasonable and you don’t sound anywhere near being a Bridezilla. You sound instead like an extremely easy to please and reasonable bride.”
“Any neutral colored shoe, with everything else being paid for by you, is about as easy to accommodate as is possible. And to add to that you having shoes you will loan her if she doesn’t already have shoes… your sister has no valid reason to complain about your request.”
“Perhaps give her the option of going barefoot if she refuses to wear any of the approved shoe colors? That would at least be less obvious and out of place as black boots.” ~ 7thatsanope
OP added some edits.
“I should probably mention that the gowns are floor length so really it’s unlikely any of the ladies shoes will be noticeable. Hence this being a ridiculous argument and me potentially being unreasonable.”
“This is getting far more traction than I expected for shoes. Thank you all for your comments, I really appreciate them, from both sides. To answer some basic questions that have been asked.”
“Yes, my sister wears feminine clothes.”
“The boots are stilettos (which honestly confuses me more because the wedding is on a grassy hill, but I digress).”
“Yes, my sister can wear whatever she likes to the reception, including shoes.”
“No, she hasn’t given me any reason to want to wear black boots other than she likes them and it’s what she was planning to wear.”
“Yes, she does want to be in the bridal party. She cried (happy tears) when I asked because she didn’t think I would.”
“It bothers me because I’ll notice, because it’s a thing I notice. Yes I appreciate this is a me issue. I also want to limit the things that are going to bug me on my wedding day.”
“For those that reckon light colored shoes don’t go with a burgundy dress, please google ‘burgundy wedding color scheme’. You will find almost all the women wearing light colored shoes.”
“No, I don’t think my sister is doing this for attention. She’s a genuinely nice and caring person, she and I just do not see eye to eye when it comes to what I want for my wedding, and she can’t grasp why it’s so important to me.”
“She has had issues in the past, which my bridal party have not gotten past for various reasons and they are allowed to have those feelings because they are perfectly valid.”
“My sister will wear what I want her to wear because when it comes down to it she’s not totally devoid of common sense or reason, it’ll just be a thing, probably forever, that we’ll disagree on.”
“For the next four months it’ll be, ‘yeah because Inesa won’t let me wear black boots’ and then for the rest of our lives it’ll be ‘remember that time you wouldn’t let me wear black boots to your wedding.’ Which I can live with if I’m not being totally unreasonable.”
“I’m going to bed now. Thank you all for your comments. Have a lovely evening/morning.”
It sounds like OP made it as easy as possible for bridesmaids to look great on her wedding day.
But in the end, it’s her wedding so she gets final say.