It’s weird how family members can distance themselves over trivial things but then feel entitled later on as if they never left.
Far too many of us have experience with this selfish phenomenon, admitted the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor justasalemarket was experiencing it for herself when her sister first distanced herself over money differences, only to expect her sister to include her daughter as the flower girl in an upcoming wedding.
When her sister repeatedly referred to her as a snob, the Original Poster (OP) uninvited her from her wedding.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for not letting my niece be the flower girl and instead having my cat be the flower boy?”
The OP’s relationship with her sister significantly changed three years ago.
“My future husband (35 Male) and I (29 Female) are getting married in May.”
“It’s important to note that he and my in-laws are incredibly wealthy and practically throw money around like it’s nothing. They paid for our wedding in full.”
“My sister (34 Female) and I were always close, but once I started dating my fiancé, she started distancing herself from me.”
“When I confronted her about it, she claimed that she felt like I was becoming snobby and rude with my new lifestyle and that it would be best for her mental health if we went low-contact.”
“We haven’t talked that much for the past 3 years because of this, and I respect her choice.”
The OP shared the wedding planning with her parents but not her sister.
“Last December at my family reunion, I announced my engagement, and everyone congratulated me except for my sister. I didn’t think much of it but it still hurt a lot.”
“Two months ago, I invited my parents to see the wedding venue and this is when I brought up the idea of making my cat the flower boy.”
“Everyone who was there at the time, including my future husband, in-laws, and parents, all thought it was a great and cute idea.”
“I bought a white dress for him, and we’ve been practicing his walk down the aisle since then.”
Then her sister reached out about a particular detail.
“No one else knew about this, but about two weeks ago, my sister called me out of the blue to discuss my wedding with me.”
“This was extremely weird but I thought this was a chance for us to get close again.”
“Once she brought up the flower boy or girl, though, I knew where the conversation was going. She has three kids (8 Female, 6 Male, and 3 Female).”
“She brought up the idea of the oldest being the flower girl.”
“I told her what my plan was and that it was set in stone that my cat would be the flower boy.”
“She sounded shocked and asked me why I didn’t think of my niece.”
“I just told her that she didn’t cross my mind when thinking about it.”
“She went off on this whole tangent about how I was a terrible sister, daughter, and aunt, and then hung up on me.”
The OP’s sister escalated the situation.
“A while later I started getting phone calls from family about how selfish I was being and that I was making a dumb choice.”
“She even made a Facebook post about the phone call. I called her back the next to confront her about it.”
“She said that the money really got to my head if I thought of a ‘stupid cat’ instead of my own niece.”
“I told her that once she had her own wedding, she could make her own daughter the flower girl.”
“This hit a nerve for her as she had children out of wedlock and has been struggling financially for a long time, so a wedding for her is unattainable.”
“I also uninvited her to the wedding.”
The OP felt pressured by her family.
“Since then, lots of family members have come to basically shame me for my decision to make my cat the flower boy instead of making my niece the flower girl.”
“They insist that I should reinvite my sister as she’s been depressed ever since I uninvited her.”
“Even my parents called to say that I should’ve just changed my plans or had a small ceremony afterward where my cat was the flower boy but left the main event with my niece as the flower girl.”
“This whole ordeal has really taken a toll on me.”
“AITA for making my cat the flower boy?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out the sister didn’t get to feel entitled after distancing herself from the OP.
“NTA. She didn’t want to be a part of your life, so she doesn’t get the reap the benefits of her kids being in your wedding and an invitation to said wedding.”
“I have two cats and I think that using a cat as a flower boy is an amazing idea! Now all I have to do is find a groom to be on board.” – MarigoldCat
“Let me get this straight: She goes low contact but demands privileges as she wishes?”
“NTA.” – Fantastic-Mud5929
“I regret letting my mom talk me into (read: force) me into having my sister as my MOH (Maid of Honor). We hate each other. Speak only at funerals, to say hi maybe, and generally leave each other alone.”
“OP, don’t let your family guilt you into this. If your sister was involved in your life, your niece would have been a logical choice. As it is, you go girl. We got your back.” – Stitch-point
“Do you even have a relationship with your niece? If your sister went low-contact, I’d assume she hardly knows you anyways. So I doubt the girl really cares. This is just your sister’s weird ego trip.”
“Ignore them and enjoy your wedding with the best flower boy ever.” – TrisBlis
“I would just make a post of your own. Explain the situation. How sister called you ‘xyz’ when you started to date your fiancé, never congratulated you, wanted to go low-contact, etc.”
“Then state, ‘During my wedding, I need to be surrounded by people who support me without conditions. Weddings are about two people coming together, so how can I allow someone who didn’t even congratulate me when I got engaged and went low-contact with me when I started dating my now fiancé to play a huge role in my wedding?'”
“I’d also emphasize, ‘It’s not about me being selfish, but focusing on the intent of weddings.'”
“Then say, ‘Anyone who is against my celebration of love will be uninvited. I do not need that on our big day.'” – Material_Cellist4133
Others couldn’t believe the sister caused all this trouble over money.
“My question is… who would be paying for the flower girl’s dress?”
“OP’s sister is going LC (low-contact) because of OP’s financial situation, but now wants to leverage it against her when her choice to go LC means OP didn’t think to make her kids a flower girl.”
“H**l, sister would have been mad because she would have been expected to pay for the dress, I’m sure. There was no way to win here. NTA.” – shopgirl2
“Honestly, she just sounds bitterly jealous. A nice paid wedding with kind and well-off in-laws for OP while the sister has 3 children and is financially struggling.” – honeymochie
“I have to wonder if she needs OP right now more than she wants to reconcile, i.e. get niece in the wedding, get closer to the rich family, and maybe try to borrow money…”
“I think it’s not the money she’s jealous of so much as the fact the rich fiance is with OP, not her. She’s almost the same age as the fiance while her sister is 6 years younger. Maybe she couldn’t stand seeing them together.” – mphs95
“So your sister who gets a bug up her a** because you’re marrying into money and she is still poor decides to act like an a** because she isn’t getting what she wants at your wedding?”
“You are definitely NTA and your sister needs to grow up. It’s your wedding, not hers.” – Fit-Representative-6
“It’s perfectly normal to ask a cherished family member to be your flower boy over the kid of someone you’ve barely spoken to over the years.”
“Sounds like your sister is projecting her angst from all her issues and her jealously onto you, OP.”
“You did the right thing in uninviting her, and I’d seriously consider uninviting all the family members who think it’s okay to shame someone into changing her own d**n wedding.”
“Honestly, I’m stunned at the entitlement of your sister for waltzing back into your life and issuing demands after SHE’S the one who insisted you go no-contact. Like WTF?” – mumismatist
A few thought the idea of a cat being a flower boy or girl was adorable.
“I just wanna know how OP was able to train their cat, and am jealous I didn’t think of it. OP, we need to see your beautiful flower boy cat!” – ElectronicPhoto4257
“He will be a wonderful flower boy! I would have done the same thing if my fur baby wasn’t afraid of other people as he grew up ‘feral’ until I found him.”
“At this point, your sister will sour your day if she comes to the wedding. You may want to reconcile in the future, but that day is not happening in the next month or so.”
“Please come back and update us with a photo of your little man in his starring role!” – RichSorry4415
“NTA, you’re living my dream. I wanted my old man (an 18-year-old black cat we rescued when he was a tiny kitten) to be in a carrier so he would be part of the wedding in some way, but he passed before I was able to do so.”
“Please do this, it’s going to be an amazing memory for you to always have.”
“Whoever is throwing a fit over this doesn’t deserve to be at your wedding, to pet your cat, or eat your food.”
“I’d start snipping the list, and getting your kitty some amazing cat trees, tons of treats, and catnip galore with the money you end up saving.” – DreadfulSunflower
While there were people around the OP who thought her sister had the right to be at the wedding, and her niece had the right to be the flower girl, the subReddit believed that became untrue the moment the sister wanted to go low-contact three years prior.
Whatever the OP ultimately decides to do, the subReddit is crossing its collective fingers for an update in the future that includes a cat in a little white dress.