Body-shaming isn’t just for celebrities and people in the theatre and film industries. People body-shame every day in real life, everywhere.
Even in the joy of a wedding, there is body-shaming.
Redditor Basic-Bee2398 perpetrated such body shame against a would-be bridesmaid in her wedding, whom she expressly forbade to wear a smaller size dress. This person, who was also her cousin, was understandably upset.
Unsure if her conduct was out of line, she went to the popular subReddit “Am I The A**hole?” or “AITA” for feedback from objective strangers.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my bridesmaid she needs to get a bigger size dress?”
Our original poster, or OP, was picking out bridesmaid dresses when she noticed some deficiencies in the chest area for her cousin’s dress.
“I am getting married in the fall and LOVE the bridesmaid dresses I picked out with my sisters. They fit them well, and show a little cleavage but not too much.”
“I’m pretty conservative and my wedding will probably represent that.”
“Anyway. One of my cousins is also a bridesmaid. She is super short and skinny, but big chested. Anyway. She chose a size that is really small, so it fits her body well, but her boobs are literally falling out of it.”
OP tried to convince her cousin to switch dresses.
“She originally tried it on with a bra and over half the bra cups were showing. Then she took off the bra and we are about 1 cm away from a nip slip.”
“Anyway. I told her that the color looked really good on her, but that I was worried about how the dress would hold up during dancing and the reception.”
“I suggested she get a larger size. I also suggested getting the dress altered so it would fit both her body and her boobs.”
“Well, she refused. She said she loves how the dress looks on her and she wants to feel confident when she is standing up there with me.”
“Now I don’t know what to do.”
“AITA for telling her she HAS to fix the dress or not be in the wedding?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Reddit definitely thought OP was in the wrong on this one.
“If the size dress she’s wearing is her size then it sounds like you picked a style of dress that shows boobies when someone has big ta-ta’s.”
“Why would you make her buy a size that’s too big because you didn’t think about how different body types would fit a low cut dress? YTA”-patioliving
“Seriously some people equate ‘conservative’ or modest or whatever with naturally growing small boobs.”
“I’m not clear on how they think the rest of us identify to acquire large ones (was I just a particularly whorish fetus to get my particular genome?), but it’s so fun to get punished for the randomness that is basic body build/type.”
“YTA—if it fits her body but not her chest it’s not built for anyone over a B cup or something and you need to either accept it or choose different dresses/have coordinating colors but styles that vary.”-Archandincorrigible
“I agree 100% – If OP picked a dress that showed ‘a little cleavage but not too much’ then on someone with a larger chest it’s naturally going to show more cleavage, that’s just how it works.”
“If OP is so worried about the dress slipping, maybe OP could offer to pay to add straps or some extra lace or build bra cups into the dress, but honestly I would wager her cousin knows more about trying to fit clothing to her own body type than OP does.”
“I also think very few people would pick a dress for a wedding they feel has the high potential to end up in an accidental flashing, and boob tape exists to make sure a dress stays put.”
“As for going up a size – I’m a 34G and often times when I go up a size in a dress to fit my annoying boobs, rather than covering more of my chest the excess fabric will actually just make me look more frumpy and top-heavy and increase the chance of something slipping.”
“Depending on the specific dress, going up a size and altering down may not be feasible or could end up looking even more off, and unless the cousin has a history of picking ill-fitting clothes that result in nip slips, I think this should be her call.”-Farfalle6
“Going with YTA – you picked a dress that ‘shows a little cleavage.’ Dresses that ‘show a little cleavage’ for small to average size boobs tend to show a LOT of cleavage when worn by women with large chests, since they have a lot more to show.”
“You should have considered everyone’s body type when picking the dress.”
“That being said, your cousin picked the wrong size dress – it’s well-known in fashion that you need to pick the size to fit the largest part of your body and then tailor ‘down’ to fit smaller parts, not the other way around.”
“However, unless you’re paying for the dress and alterations, you don’t really have a say in how it fits her – you picked the style and have to live with the choice.”-non-omniscient
After all, the bride chose the dress, not the bridesmaid.
“I’m gonna say YTA because you picked a dress that shows cleavage and then…got mad that it’s showing cleavage?”
“I get your cousin’s plight. i’m a 38I and the dress i bought for my brother’s wedding (which is my typical size) won’t zip because there’s not enough excess fabric around my chest.”
“So now i have to get a larger size and pay to have the dress altered around the rest of my body to accommodate my chest.”-Writer_Life
“YTA. You chose a dress that showed cleavage and are now upset that the dress shows cleavage. Your cousin bought her appropriate size but it fits her differently because she has a larger chest.”
“YOU didn’t think about that. BTW, she didn’t ‘choose a size that is really small.’ She chose HER size.”
“She is short and thin. I have a kid who is super tiny but larger chested. XXS and a size 00 for bottoms.”
“She often has some cleavage showing. We tried alterations and guess what? The cut often looks odd or badly done because of how much fabric has to be removed to fit her body compared to her chest.”-sheramom4
“YTA. You picked the dress. Alterations aren’t cheap. Particularly if you have to have pretty much every part of the dress altered for one measurement.”
“Unless you are willing to pay for the alterations, it is unreasonable to expect her to pay significantly more for her dress than the rest of the bridesmaids.”
“Plus, given her figure, I’m 100% sure she’s quite used to dealing with clothes where the bust is tight because that’s what happens when the rest of the outfit fits.”
“She’ll know how to move and wear the dress to avoid anything that she’d be embarrassed by.”
“Do you imagine that you’re just discovering for her that this is a problem with pretty much all the ready-to-wear clothes she can buy?”
“You need to trust your cousin to be able to pick out the size she should be wearing, because she’s been doing that for years, and knows what she can and can’t make work.”-Jazzlike_Humor3340
“YTA. There’s a reason the whole trend of ‘matching/coordinating colors with similar, coordinating, but not identical styles’ came about.”
“Very few bridal parties are going to have bridesmaids that all look good in the same dress. Especially when it comes to cleavage.”
“Also, dresses are expensive enough without alterations, and it may not be possible to size in the waist enough to match her bust (if there’s a big enough difference).”
“Dresses can usually only go +/- 2 sizes (so an 8 can go to a 6 or a 10, but that’s it).”-BabyCowGT
And she also wanted a dress to “show a little cleavage…” and she got what she wanted.
“YTA. People who don’t have large breasts love to exaggerate just how close to a nip slip those of us with tig ol’ bitties are.”
“If you demand she alter her dress to be different or exclude her for having breasts, which is what you are suggesting no matter how tactfully you try to word it, you will absolutely be the asshole.”-SignificantOrange139
“YTA. Busty women already have a hard time finding clothes that fit them. Could she get the dress altered? Yes.”
“Could you choose a different style of dress for your bridesmaids? Also yes. Or perhaps find a cardigan for all the bridesmaids to wear over the dress”-Tiny-Extreme-4127
“As someone with huge stupid boobs, YTA. You should have thought about that when you chose the damn dress.”
“Now you want to put her out of the wedding??? Brides are so freaking awful. That’s why I’m as laid back as possible during my planning phase.”
“You’re totally TA here. And having huge knockers doesn’t make you immodest. Sometimes, you just can’t help it. I dont like your vibe at all.”-Ambry215
“And this is exactly why I’m letting my bridesmaids chose their own dress style. A dress on an A cup person is going to look radically different than a D cup person.”
“This is your mistake, don’t make the bridesmaid feel embarrassed because you messed up. This is why you need to put yourself in someone’s shoes sometimes YTA.”-Mallywagon
“As a 34H/HH I want to say like, a soft YTA. I’m guessing/assuming you have smaller boobs, aka small band D cup or less?”
“Which means that in your mind, a ‘little cleavage’ is a specific set amount – you can picture it in your head, it’s not distracting, etc…”
“But the thing is, that amount of cleavage is a percentage of like, the size of the full amount of cleavage available, right? So on someone with a much larger chest, ‘a little cleavage’ is gonna automatically look like a LOT more.”
“Likely, she’s not that close to a nip slip, because there’s a long way to go – she’s just got a lot of boobs in there.”
“Now, you’re not the a**hole for wanting the dresses to look a certain way at your own wedding, but where you go wrong is not accounting for a completely different body type and experience you don’t have.”
“Likely as others have said, the dress does fit her fine, but you don’t like how it looks on her. Also likely, she’s spent most of her adult life (and teen years as well) being told she looks inappropriate in the exact same clothing that other girls & women can and are wearing, simply because of her chest size.”
“So you approaching it like 1. her dress is too small & 2. like this is her problem, and not yours, is the real issue.”
“Ideal approach would be making it very clear that this is completely on you, that you 100% do not want her to feel uncomfortable, making it clear you will pay for any alterations and accommodate her as needed, and if there are any resulting issues (for example, if the dress in question cannot be altered in a satisfactory manner to all parties) be willing to work with her on choosing a different but similar style that will work better for her body.”
“She’s your family, and you want her in your wedding. If you care about her enough for that, care about her enough to not make her feel like her body is inherently wrong – the world has done that enough already, trust.” ~ baby_jane_hudson
“YTA. Anything that shows cleavage on a person with ‘regularly’ sized breasts is impossible for a large breasted person to wear no matter alterations since the design of the dress won’t be changed.”
“You knew her body type and you still chose something that won’t work.” ~ MoiraF’kingRose
One Redditor offered their bridesmaid dress solution that avoided any such issues.
“And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I gave my bridesmaids a color and a length and told them to HAVE FUN!” ~ EqualIntroduction912
Controlling what somebody wears is a recipe for disaster. Especially if that person is dealing with something about their body.
Hopefully our OP can learn this lesson swiftly.