Every couple is unique, and that includes how they met.
No matter how solid a couple is, some relationship stories aren't going to be as cute as others, admitted the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor chasingyourvision was at a loss when he realized just how disappointed by that his future bride was.
When she expected him to embellish their story, the Original Poster (OP) began to question who he was marrying.
He asked the sub:
"AITA for telling my fiancée I am not willing to lie about how we met to her family and friends?"
The OP met his future bride in a more contemporary way.
"I met my fiancée online on a dating app."
"We have been together for 2 years now and got engaged recently."
He was dismayed to discover his fiancée wanted to change their story.
"However, she keeps telling me that during the wedding she wants me to give a 'speech,' talking about how I met her while she was working at a coffee shop."
"She wants me to say, I was so attracted to her that it was love at first sight and I immediately asked her to be my girlfriend."
"She says that this makes her look better and will make her look good to her friends if I say that she was so beautiful that I immediately asked her out."
"To clarify, she is saying I have to say that I asked her to be my GF right at the counter without even having any sort of conversation with her first."
The OP didn't particularly like this new story.
"The only problem is I feel very uncomfortable with this untrue version of events."
"I am happy to say she is beautiful and that I really love her personality and that we had a great connection, but I am uncomfortable with this portrayal of myself as some sort of creep who asked a complete stranger to be my girlfriend."
"There are other lies that she wants me to go along with, too."
"For example, I inherited a house from my grandparents, but she is asking me to tell all her friends and family that I myself paid for and 'bought her' the house because she is so special."
The OP found out why his fiancée wanted him to say these things.
"Just to be clear, my fiancée said that the reason she wants me to do the speech and tell people I bought her a house is so that her friends will envy her."
"She has already told her friends and family those things, but it's another thing to want ME to actually talk about them and lie about these things."
"She knows that my friends and family know I inherited the house and that we met on a dating app, but she says I have to warn them not to say anything and pretend to believe me at the wedding."
The future bride was not happy with the OP.
"After I said no, she has been saying that I care more about the opinions of other people than how she feels and that she is reconsidering if she wants to be with someone who isn't on her side."
"She even gave me an ultimatum that we won't get married if I don't agree and hasn't talked to me for days."
"Do I have a point or does she?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the fiancée cared about appearances, not the OP.
"SHE cares what other people think, that's why you need to change the narrative. She's ashamed of the dating app and doesn't like you didn't buy your own house."
"NTA, obviously."
"Also OP, no reason to lie about meeting online. Got my GF on Tinder almost 5 years ago and I'm proud of it!" - holy_roman_emperor
"Yo, OP, my dude, let's make a list:"
"She cares more about portraying a fictional life than living the real one."
"She will lie about anything."
"She would rather end the relationship than be honest."
"She would rather end the relationship than care about OP's wishes."
"What part of this is something you want to spend your life with? Or force on your (hypothetical) children?" - AQualityKoalaTeacher
"Your fiancee shows a bunch of red flags. She is the one caring too much about people's opinions. She is a shallow person who only cares about what others think. Something that will affect your marriage negatively in the future."
"She will have no problem lying to you or doing anything that could harm you as long as she gets what she wants."
"Do not get married OP. You will regret it. You will regret it and you will look back on this post and see all the comments and wonder why you didn't listen to us."
"Don't get married OP. Dump her. You should be with someone who is true to themself and doesn't let others' opinions about them affect them."
"Someone who won't let you make a fool of yourself by lying to make herself look better. Someone who isn't as selfish as your fiancee is right now. NTA!" - wantout87
Others pointed out the bride was incredibly manipulative.
"Everyone's saying the lying is the red flag but had anyone stopped to consider the fact that she's trying to get him to reconsider by threatening to leave him and call off the wedding?"
"That's manipulation. She's trying to manipulate you by implying she's going to leave if you don't do exactly what she wants and comply with her crazy rules."
"To me, that's the biggest red flag of all, OP. The rest of your life is going to be like this. Reconsider marrying her. NTA." - HaiMar_
"Oooof, think about what will happen when this relationship ends."
"If you read OPs comments, he says his GF has already told her friends that she's going to quit working when they get married, he's going to give her a monthly allowance, and buy her expensive things because she's so pretty."
"He already knows all these statements are lies. Now imagine divorce court in 2-5 years. Alllllll the lies she will tell the court and have her friends back up how she has been supported and given these things, and how OP has himself said these things."
"She will get spousal support and the house, and more."
"OP, what happens when she meets someone who actually can provide her with all those things? Do you think she'll lie to you about it?" - Super_Ad5277
"She's waving the red flag right in front of your face, OP. If you do this you will have to catch yourself and remember all these weird lies for the rest of your life whenever you are around her family/friends."
"Eventually those friends and family will be around someone from your side of the family and the lies will be uncovered (if they aren't uncovered at the wedding, which I'm sure they would be)."
"The delusions, insecurity, and dishonesty are startling. But even more so is the controlling nature of this. She's not going to marry you if you don't lie about these things? Wtf it's just time to reevaluate this relationship."
"These lies aren't the only ones. Be prepared for a whole marriage chock full of little situations like this. NTA, OP. RUN." - lostinabsentia
The OP was at a loss when his future bride started talking about calling off the wedding, but the subReddit honestly wondered if that might be a blessing in disguise.
The more lies you tell, the more details you have to remember. It sounds like if the OP were to marry his fiancée, he would have his work cut out for him.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.