A registry is primarily designed to help people out.
It gives all guests at weddings or baby showers a finite amount to choose from, possibly helping them limit their selections.
While it also helps the recipients get what they need as they start their new chapters in life.
Helpful as gifts that come off of registries are, they are not always terribly personal or meaningful.
A good friend of Redditor CinnamonMagpie personally asked her for a handmade gift for her upcoming nuptials, which the original poster (OP) was more than happy to do to commemorate the occasion.
She was surprised however, that the bride expected even more from her, which she was not willing to oblige.
Concerned that she might have been insensitive to her fried, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA For Not Buying A Wedding Gift From The Registry?”
The OP explained how in addition to asking her to make something very personal, but also time consuming and difficult, her soon to be married friend still expected a “real” present as well.
“I (34 F[emale]) have a friend who is getting married next month.”
“A year ago, after the wedding was announced, the Bride (34 F) pulled me aside and showed me a pattern for a I Corinthians 13 cross stitch sampler she said she wanted me to do to ‘commemorate the wedding’.”
“I agreed, despite knowing it would be a lot of work, and I would have to add to the pattern, because it didn’t have an area to put a date on it, which she wanted.”
“Cut to now, and it is finished.”
“It is framed. It is 15″ by 25″ and I am glad I never have to look at this thing under a headlamp again.”
“Bride contacts me tonight, and says that she noticed I haven’t bought anything off the registry yet, and because she knows I’m on a very low income, I should hurry and get a gift before all the affordable ones are taken.”
“I told her I wasn’t getting her anything off of the registry.”
“That before framing the cost for materials for the cross stitch was around $75 and the framing was well over that, and that I can’t afford to buy her anything else off of her registry.”
“Bride then said that as a guest I’m required to bring a gift.”
“I said I am bringing her a gift, and one that I worked very hard on, on linen with silk threads that she requested.”
“She said that it didn’t count because she asked me to do it.”
“I said that registries are basically the same thing, asking for specific things you want, and she called me an a**hole and hung up.”
“So AITA for not buying a wedding gift from the registry?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to get her friend a gift from her registry in addition to her personal, handmade stitch.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s friend was being demanding and ungrateful, and that the OP was under no obligation whatsoever to buy her a gift off of her registry.
“You need to drop this friend immediately for two reasons.”
“First this stitch sampler you made for her should be the only gift she wants from you.”
“Second she knows you’re on a fixed income so she shouldn’t be signaling you to buy anything off of her registry.”
“She called herself doing you a favor by letting you know that the affordable items on the registry are quickly running out but what she was really saying was that your financial situation won’t be an excuse for not buying something from her registry.”
“She’s inconsiderate and entitled.”- Mother_Tradition_774
“That’s some next level entitlement.”- CrystalQueen3000
“You are NTA, not at all.”
“I’m speechless right now.”
“The bride’s entitlement is insane.”
“What you do is up to you, but I for sure wouldn’t feel guilted into buying something and I might actually reconsider the friendship.”
“Does she always treat friends this way?”
“Even asking for the cross stitch project was a BIG ask!”-Traditional_Fortune6
“I would NEVER be able to phone someone and ask for a custom present without offering to pay for materials, given how much time it would take.”
“But to then ask for ANOTHER present because the other one was ‘requested’?! “
“The mind boggles.”
“Sell it on Etsy and don’t go to the wedding.”
“Your friend is awful.”- Foronceinmylifetaken
“You’re forgetting something in your cost estimate on your cross stitch though.”
“$75 for materials.”
“$75+ for framing.”
“X hours x$20 – for your time and skill doing it.”- Morrighu87
“‘Bride then said that as a guest I’m required to bring a gift’.”
“Actually you are not, that’s why it’s called a ‘gift’ and not ‘admission’.”
“A bridal registry is a convenience that stores hoping to sell stuff set up with brides hoping to get stuff.”
“It is a borderline crass commercial arrangement behind a fig leaf convention that this arms-length distance makes it less than a List of Demands.”
“Your bride pushed deep deep into jaw-dropingly crass territory by sitting vulturelike in the top of the, metaphorical, fig tree waiting for expected tributes to drop off and croaking loudly for more.”
“I’m sorry you can’t face the embroidery you have worked so long and hard on, you should keep it, get her drunk and have the verse tattooed on her forehead:
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful…”- 3DonizettiQueens
“Inform bridezilla AND the groom that you can no longer attend the wedding as the item she requested, not commissioned (commission implies payment IMO) but requested, apparently cannot be considered the gift and that a gift is now required for entry into the wedding.”
“Since you spent x-amount of money between supplies, framing, and labor (make sure you calculate labor!) you no longer have the funds to purchase one of the required entry items from their registry.”
“Tell them that as you will no longer be attending their wedding, should the bride continue to desire the product you created she may pay you for the item and you will send it.”
“If she refuses to pay, then modify the cost stitch to remove the date (if you are able), then turn around and sell it to someone who would undoubtedly love such a piece and be willing to pay for at least the cost of the supplies and likely also for the time you put into it.”
“After all that, drop the friend, as she clearly does not hold any value to you, your time, or your talents.”
“I do admit that all these recommendations are pettiness, but I’ve found that sometimes blunt pettiness is the only thing that will managed to work it’s way into stubborn brains, and if it doesn’t then that person is likely a lost cause that you can only live with their existence while ignoring them as much as possible or drop them like a lava hot rock.”- ToriBethATX
“I can’t believe there’s people out there like this bride.”
“Sell the cross stitch and watch some forensic files in your Jammies eating a cheese pizza instead of going to the wedding.”- Melodic_Ad7057
“She is trying to get 2 gifts out of you, if she is not going to let you in the wedding with one gift, then I say skip the wedding and she gets no gifts.”- Nalpona_Freesun
“I love how ‘friends’ or family think that us working on a piece is valueless – oh it’s a ‘hobby’ so it shouldn’t cost ME anything for you doing things you love.”
“Hun, your friend gave you a commission- if she goes off at you again point out how many hours of work it was and what it would cost if she had commissioned it.”- Traditional_Judge734
“NTA, cash grab weddings are fucking ridiculous.”
“I wouldn’t go and send her a video of the cross stitch burning.”
“I’ve done cross stitch for years, I know how much time and money you have in that.”- SuddenWhole
“If she wants a gift from the registry, she can pay you back your costs for the other gift.”-SteampunkHarley
“The bride needs to learn some manners.”- Used_Mark_7911
“You’re right, you gave her a gift and one she specifically requested so she has no reason to not love it.”
“If she has an issue with the gift, then she doesn’t have to accept it.”-nidoqing
One can’t help but wonder if this bride actually heard herself say that she knew the OP was on a low income before more or less ordering her to buy a gift.
Particularly after she already gave the OP a tall order to begin with.
Let’s hope this friend won’t need to ask a favor of the OP anytime soon, as it’s unlikely to happen.