There are so many decisions and considerations that go into planning a wedding, and one of the big decisions early on is picking the color scheme for the wedding, as well as the attire.
There are situations, though, where adaptations to the attire need to be made, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, unless the happy couple values aesthetics over people.
Redditor Anotherweddingask was looking forward to being her good friend’s Maid of Honor.
But when the bride wanted her to conceal a medical device to avoid “ruining” the wedding photos, the Original Poster (OP) began to second-guess her role in the event.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for not wanting to wear a sweater at my friend’s wedding?”
The OP was excited about her friend’s future wedding.
“My (22 Female) friend (22 Female) is getting married in a year or two during the summer, and I’m her Maid of Honor (MOH).”
“The couple is very indecisive and has other things going on besides planning the wedding, which is why it’s being planned so far out. They’re also doing this all by themselves because neither of their families is much help.”
The bride made a surprising request of the OP.
“I was recently diagnosed with Type One Diabetes and wear a small sensor on my arm to monitor my blood sugar (Dexcom G7).”
“We were talking about the wedding one day and she brought up me wearing a small jacket or cardigan to cover the sensor, not wanting to see it in the pictures.”
“It surprised me because if I stand at a certain angle, you can’t even see it.”
“Since the wedding is during the summer and she wants it outside, I know it’s going to be really hot and heat can already affect my blood sugar, so I don’t want to.”
“However, she’s adamant that I wear one.”
The OP wasn’t sure what other options she had.
“This also isn’t something I can necessarily put somewhere else. The only other places I’m allowed to put it are my hip, thigh, and butt.”
“With my work uniform, it would be very uncomfortable to put it in any of those places, since I would have to deal with it for 10 hours straight. Also, I’m not sure how I would wear it there with a dress.”
“I’m also looking at patches that would blend in with my skin in order to cover it.”
The OP hoped the bride could see it her way.
“My friend and her fiancé don’t have a lot of money due to family issues, so I know they’re not going to hire some fancy photographer for the pictures.”
“It’s a somewhat casual, but still fancy wedding (I bought my maid of honor dress at a thrift store and she loved it, if that makes any sense).”
“And I’m not ashamed of my diagnosis or pump. If people see or ask about it, I’m willing to talk about it to help them understand more. I think watching my grandma have it and be the strong woman she was helped me with that.”
“So AITA for refusing to wear a sweater at my friend’s wedding?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some found the bride’s priorities to be in the wrong place and hoped she’d change her mind.
“NTA. If she’s finding fault with you for having to use life-saving medical equipment, she isn’t much of a friend.” – AntelopeOld8683
“NTA. What is this obsession these days with treating guests like they are just wedding accessories? It’s horrible and rude.” – penguinsouth
“NTA, OP. Your friend can pay to have your sensor photoshopped out for her wedding photo collection if it bothers her that much. That sensor is now part of your body, it’s like asking someone who has too big boobs to get a reduction so she could fit in her bridesmaid dress…”
“I’ve also heard of people asking their bridesmaids to lose a few pounds so they don’t stand out too much in the pictures, and for people who have the audacity to ask bulls**t like this, I ask you:”
“How self-centered do you have to be to hear yourself making these requests and not think it’s unfair or unreasonable? Let people be, stop focusing on some obsessive redundant details, and have fun at your wedding/party.”
“Literally, nobody cares about people’s medical devices, no one thinks they’re an incumbent on good party vibes… Maybe one or two people will ask about it, not having seen one before, but how insecure do you have to be to think a curious question directed at someone who’s not the bride or groom will take away from your thunder.” – CrisstIIIna
“So I’m in a wheelchair and I am f**king dying at this. One of my friends is starting to plan her wedding and we were talking about how to keep my bright red wheelchair from clashing with the colors she was leaning towards. It was more of a joke than a real thing. If I can make it, she wants me there no matter what my chair looks like.”
“It devolved into the most ridiculous ideas like covering it with dollar store flowers, using a hot glue gun (a la 5-minute crafts), or raiding the local graveyards for any not super dead looking flowers to hide it.”
“What won the discussion was her mother looking up from the book she was reading and suggesting a shower curtain hung around me so no one would see me in the pictures. A rolling rack with eyeholes and surround by shower curtains in the wedding colors.”
“T and I were giggling like maniacs after that. The whole planning conversation went utterly off the rails as we came up with crazier and crazier ways to hide the chair. It was awesome.”
“She decided I won’t have a bouquet as a member of the wedding party. Instead, we’ll cover the back part of my chair in white satin and drape a floral garland over the headrest and let it trail behind me and I’ll have a corsage. I need both hands free, one to drive, one to hold my service dog.”
“When friends love you, they accommodate you and any illness or disabilities you may have.”
“I wear one of those sensors and if you want me to not wear it or cover it up? Screw that.”
“…now I can’t wait to bring that up with my friend and see how crazy we get coming up with the most ridiculous ideas to cover it up.” – purrfunctory
“‘When friends love you, they accommodate you and any illness or disabilities you may have.’ This every day and twice on Sundays.”
“OP, this is what friendship looks like. What your so-called friend is doing is… not.”
“I suggest you tell her the pump required, lifesaving medical equipment, and if she doesn’t want it in the pictures, she should find a different attendant.”
“Also: She wants you to wear a sweater, which is going to look a whole lot weirder in the pictures than an insulin pump. She sounds massively ableist and a crappy friend.”
“NTA.” – janlep
“NTA at all.”
“This is a situation that you can’t control. You have diabetes, and therefore, obviously need to be able to monitor your blood sugar. It being her wedding doesn’t change anything about that. A true friend would understand that and wouldn’t ask you to make modifications for her, especially since this modification could be harmful to you.”
“To me, that’s like asking your friend in a wheelchair to just use crutches for her wedding so they can be standing. Impractical and harmful for that person.”
“If she can’t accept that, maybe you should reconsider the friendship. Because a real friend wouldn’t expect that from you.” – acceptthisoneplz
“NTA.”
“My late friend had T1D. When she was first diagnosed, she was quite self-conscious about doing the things she needed to (pricking her finger, injecting herself with insulin, etc.) in public. She was worried people would stare at her. She felt she needed to go off and find a bathroom to do it in private, and of course, that wasn’t always going to be possible, or the bathroom might not be clean enough.”
“It was a diabetes educator at the hospital who finally convinced her: do not hide. Diabetes management is a routine fact of life for someone with T1D. You don’t need to make a big song and dance about it and wave your needles and lancets under people’s noses and shout, ‘Look what I’m doing!’ but nor do you need to hide it. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. If people are uncomfortable, that’s their problem. They can just look away.”
“So from that point onward, she began managing her diabetes while sitting at the lunch table with us. And honestly, most of the time, I barely even noticed. I only ever remembered she had T1D when she’d start to act a little oddly, e.g. not making sense, or getting upset over nothing. Then I’d say, ‘Have you checked your BGL?’ and she’d check it, and it would be a bit low, so we’d get some sugar into her.”
“Your friend is being an AH. Your sensor is essential medical equipment, and it’s no big deal. It won’t spoil her f**king wedding photos. Honestly, this is on par with not wanting someone in a wheelchair to take part in the photos. It’s ableist and cruel and stupid. In your case, it’s also dangerous. Being forced to wear a jacket or sweater on a hot day is a stupid idea that could endanger your health.”
“Tell your friend you will not be covering up your sensor, and if she doesn’t like it, she can get someone else to be her MOH.”
“I’m betting she’ll get the photographer to photoshop it out, which is still ableist, etc., but at least it won’t involve you spending the day in a position of discomfort and risk.” – ThisWillAgeWell
But a few thought the OP had plenty of time to work out a solution.
“YTA. It’s in a year or two. You can figure this out without making a huge deal about it now.” – TurbulentAir9261
“YTA. It’s her wedding aesthetics. And her dress code. You can get a very light material bolero or cardigan. If you really can’t be bothered to try and make her day nice for her, then step down as Maid of Honor as you are not honoring her request.” – No_Guarantee_6756
“ESH. You’re both upsetting yourselves needlessly over a little thing at a maybe future wedding that isn’t even scheduled yet.” – Pkfrompa
“This request was beyond unreasonable. The fact that the wedding is in a ‘year or two’ suggests that the OP’s so-called friend has approached the OP about this before she’s even started on the logistics like booking a venue.”
“I can’t tell you how hurt I would be if someone’s first priority upon getting engaged were to think negatively about my medical equipment.” – hdhxuxufxufufifffif
“In a year or two, you should have a much better handle on managing your diabetes. You might even be able to forgo the sensor and finger prick for the day. You might even be able t find a sheer coverup or shawl to use in formal pictures.”
“Give it time, and it might not be a problem by the time the wedding occurs. Good luck.” – Top-Artichoke5020
The subReddit was in full support of the OP needing to do what she needed to do for her health and hoped that her friend could grow to understand that this was about safety, and safety is always much more important than aesthetics.