Marrying your school sweetheart is a wonderful thing. Typically the family is excited to get to know and accept the new member of the family. Unfortunately however, family can also be the source of pain.
Redditor Illustrious-Bet5640 turned to the “Am I the A**hole” subReddit for perspective on her own hurtful family situation after her sister kept making inappropriate comments about her fiance.
“AITA for disinviting my sister from my wedding after she called my relationship a fraud?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
”I (24F) met my fiancé (24F) when I was 17 when she was a foreign exchange student living with my friends family. We became friends quickly and by the end of her stay were in a relationship.”
“For years, we dated, trying to visit as often as possible, but most of our relationship was through video calls and text messages. After graduating college I finally proposed, however, COVID delayed her moving here.”
“But her visa has finally been approved and she is set to come so we can get married. Everything was going great except for my sister. Throughout the course of our relationship my sister (22F) has been a little rude, constantly trying to set me up with other people, despite knowing about our relationship.”
“She also refused to try and build a relationship with my fiancé despite my fiancé’s efforts. She would also only ever call her my ‘friend’ and not my girlfriend or fiancé. Both me and my fiancé have tried talking to her about this and she would also laugh it off calling it a joke, but my fiancé and I are sick of it.”
“I told my sister that if she makes anymore of these ‘jokes’ she will not be invited to the wedding. Well, while on a family video call, including my fiancé, I had to correct my sister again that she wasn’t my friend but my fiancé.”
Things got worse as he sisters can taunts kept going.
“And my sister’s response was ‘You call her your fiancé, but she calls you a visa’. I was disgusted and my fiancé left the call crying. I yelled at my sister but she got mad, saying that we both knew that my relationship was a fraud.”
“I right there and then disinvited her from the wedding and left the call. Although my parents don’t approve of what my sister said they think that I’m overreacting.”
“I am not in contact with my sister but my parents claim that she has offered to apologize to me and my fiancé. But I don’t care. We told her that she would be disinvited if she continued and she did anyways.”
“My fiancé and I do not want someone who has hurt us, more so her, at our wedding. But my family says we are overreacting . AITA?”
The upset bride added an edit to clarify some things about her sister.
“EDIT: For clarification, my sister is not homophobic. She herself is a lesbian. Also, my sister has received warnings about her behavior.”
The OP asked Redditors to weigh in and rule:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors were united in their reactions declaring OP was NTA.
“NTA. Your sister might not be homophobic, but she sure is xenophobic. I’d contact immigration or whatever immigration lawyer you and your fiance are in contact with and put down a papertrail that your sister is trying to/may try to sabotage your relationship and/or your fiance’s immigration efforts.”
“Like, there’s nothing to suggest she *would* do that, but she also said that you’re just a green card for your fiance. People do dumb shit when they’re jealous, racist, xenophobic, or otherwise a bigot.” Jenny-Greenteeth
“NTA why would anyone want a rude bully at their wedding? It’s not like you didn’t tell her what the consequences of her actions would be. If she wants back in, she owes you a huge sincere apology. Otherwise, stick to your guns.”
“Edit: I would give her the opportunity to apologize though– no problem letting her stew little though. I’m not sure what your relationship to your sister is, but ultimately you might regret permanently banning her from the wedding. You don’t get a do over on that.” dripless_cactus
“NTA Your sister is such an a**hole and so are your parents for defending her behavior. No one needs that kind of toxic a**holery in their lives.”
“I would definitely do what works for you and your fiancé. Your wedding day should be the happiest day of your life. Not sitting there fielding toxic behavior and wondering when it’s going to start or stop.” Beautiful_mistakes
“NTA this sounds very xenophobic. I saw in a previous comment your fiancé is Mexican. The implication that you are nothing but a green card to your fiancé implies that she is somehow lesser for being an immigrant and that she is actively deceiving you to get to your country.”
“Can I assume you are from the US or Europe? I honestly wouldn’t have any contact with her until she analyzes why she has these preconceived notions and takes positive steps to change her attitude.” Ziako24
“NTA. Sister and family are. It sounds like no one expects there to be actual consequences for sister’s malicious and hurtful behavior, and are consciously or unconsciously ganging up on OP + fiancée instead of helping sister to apologize, behave better, and start forming a relationship with soon-to-be SIL.”
“I don’t know why it still surprises me when people are incredibly rude, then shocked when there are finally consequences. Maybe because of that finally: because it’s gone on so long, they thought they would always be allowed to get away with it.”
“OP, try not to let this affect your joy. You are not overreacting; communicate clearly and calmly to your family, so they know you won’t let yourself be confused by their confusion, or allow sister to keep hurting you and your fiancée. Sister’s free pass needs to end for the good of your marriage, and for sister herself.” ggcc789
“You’d have just as much right to dis-invite anyone who doesn’t openly reprimand her for what she said as well. My wife is international too.”
“We met in college while she was on a student visa. Want to know the first thing my parents said after I told them we were engaged? It wasn’t ‘congratulations’…”
“Guess who didn’t get a wedding invite? You’re NTA.” mowgli0423
OP and her fiance are not obligated to include people in their live that can’t respect them and remember neither are you, even if it’s family.