Though they are meant to be fun occasions, weddings can really bring out the worst in people.
They can even break down or expose the weak points in important relationships, admitted the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor weddingpayback expected her sister to pay her back for her work as a bridesmaid and threatened to not invite her to her wedding when her sister declined.
When she received pushback for this, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was wrong.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for expecting my sister to be in my wedding after I did the same for her?”
The OP was a bridesmaid in her sister’s wedding two years prior.
“My sister (27 [female]) and I (24 [female]) are close. However, we are very different people.”
“She took the college route, became a curator at a major museum, and is currently working on her Ph.D.”
“I went to cosmetology school and am working towards opening my own salon.”
“I was incredibly honored to be in her wedding party two years ago as a bridesmaid.”
“It was wonderful, but I felt that I made quite a number of sacrifices when it came to her wedding.”
“I kept telling myself that when it was my turn, she would return the favor.”
The OP was taking her time with the wedding planning.
“Before everything went to h**l in a handbasket, my boyfriend and I got engaged. We decided to put a halt on the planning until we felt that we were in the clear.”
“We’re scheduled to get married next summer.”
“Unlike my sister who is a huge planner and detailed oriented, we’re very laid back.”
“My sister had her wedding at her place of work, and being that her husband was an investment banker, they had a very lavish affair. We want a backyard wedding with a BBQ.”
“We hadn’t even gotten around to asking folks to be in our wedding parties.”
When they were visiting, the OP asked her sister to be a bridesmaid.
“My sister and her husband were over for dinner last night and the subject of my wedding was brought up, and my sister asked how things were going.”
“I said probably not up to the same speed she was, but she’s going to be right up there on the big day.”
“She asked if that was an official ask to be in the wedding party.”
“I told her yes, and sorry I won’t be making little gifts as she did for me.”
“She told me that was fine, but then she got quiet and looked at her husband.”
“I asked her what’s wrong, and she told me that she will have to decline my offer.”
Her sister explained her reasons for declining.
“She said that honestly, she was a little wedding’d out with being so heavily involved as a bridesmaid.”
“She also said that in the next year, she has a lot going on with finishing her thesis, and surprise, she was pregnant.”
“She asked me not to say anything and that they were planning to tell everyone at Christmas.”
“She said she still wants to be involved, but on a smaller scale and just as a guest, especially since she’ll have a new baby.”
The OP did not appreciate her sister’s situation.
“I told her she was selfish and after everything I had to put up with at her wedding, she owed me.”
“She looked angry and told me that was a lie.”
“She said I complained about the dresses being lavender, the dates of everything, and how I was the only person in the bridal party who couldn’t make her bachelorette party, because I wanted to go to a concert instead and insisted we needed to change it.”
“She talked about how she was trying to be understanding and flexible, but I made everything into a tantrum.”
The OP told her sister to leave.
“She said I was lucky she didn’t ask me to step down, because she knew it would break me and she wanted me there beside her on her big day.”
“She said I made her wedding about me.”
“I told her to get out and they’d be lucky if I decided to invite them still.”
“My parents called asking what happened.”
“I told them everything and told them to ask about the baby.”
“Apparently, I made things even worse and my parents want to come over to talk to me.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some disagreed with the OP and said the sister did the right thing by being honest.
“OP, YTA because being in a wedding party is a huge commitment, and while you were able to, she’s not, and she told you upfront that she can’t commit to that. OP spilled a massive secret that they weren’t ready for everyone to know.” – jmenard129
“She’s supposedly going to be finishing her Ph.D. thesis while working full-time and having a baby. The fact she is even open to a small role in the wedding party is huge.”
“I’m just starting out in my program and I already feel like a cave-dwelling gremlin who might bite anyone that ventures close.” – definitelynotjava
“Being a bridesmaid for your sister isn’t supposed to be a chore that needs to be paid back. It’s an honor, and I’m sure OP would have had plenty to say if her sister hadn’t asked her to be bridesmaid!”
“Wind yer neck in OP.” – sheepinahat
Others also said the OP was wrong for telling her parents about the baby.
“I am baffled, people can’t accept it, when other people show their boundaries.”
“If you want to cross them so badly (telling your parents about her pregnancy), guilt trip your sister into doing something, or taking something on she doesn’t feel she is capable of managing – shows what kind of a person you are.”
“Petty, selfish, and cruel. Please revisit your behavior and try to learn and grow from here on…” – Berlinoisett3
“Seriously, I cannot believe OP. Her sister had totally legitimate reasons and was very diplomatic with how she handled it. Getting pregnant isn’t selfish and no one’s wedding takes priority.”
“Ruining her pregnancy announcement was next-level AH.”
“I’m guessing that sister’s description of OP as a bridesmaid was accurate. Asking her to move her bachelorette because she wanted to go to a concert? Like come on, it sounds like she thought even her sister’s wedding revolves around her.”
“OP, you are a major, entitled, selfish AH. I hope this post makes you rethink your behavior and try to make things right. No one wants to be around someone like you.” – Peachgrill
“There’s a nice little tweet: ‘When someone says, ‘After all I’ve done for you…’ Their generosity was a contract with hidden terms.'”
“OP complained about dresses, dates, and bachelorette parties at the sister’s wedding and leaked the baby news, which was not her news to share. Sister is having a newborn and has to write a whole damn thesis. The whole bridal party thing is a favor, not an obligation.”
“YTA.” – wilderchai
Some also said the OP’s sister would be lucky if she wasn’t invited to the wedding.
“‘Lucky if I decided to invite them still’ – Don’t threaten me with a good time.” – Shells613
“You two are not as close as you think. Telling someone they ‘owe us’ is a jerk move. You’ll be lucky if she comes to the wedding after your tantrum. YTA.” – RetiredAerospaceVP
“YTA. No one is required to be in or go to anybody’s wedding. You say you made sacrifices when it came to her wedding and that she owes you when you could’ve easily dropped out of it instead of planning to use it as leverage for yours.”
“She gave very valid reasons. She’s a very busy woman and I can’t imagine the stress she’s under. I don’t think you fully understand how difficult having a full-time job is WHILE earning a doctorate degree WHILE writing a possibly 100-page thesis AND being pregnant on top of that.”
“AND YOU TOLD YOUR FAMILY SHE WAS PREGNANT OUT OF SPITE WHEN YOU KNEW SHE WASN’T READY? YOU’RE REALLY ASKING IF YOU’RE THE ASSHOLE AFTER THAT?”
“‘You’ll be lucky if I still invite you,’ my a**. Do you really think she cares about being there for you now? I wouldn’t bother to ever see you again if it was me.” – Sensitive-Cup69
The OP might have been sure that she wasn’t the problem here, but the subReddit did not agree. Not only is a person not required to be in a wedding or to invite someone else to be in one, but giving away someone’s important news is incredibly rude.