When it comes to planning a wedding, one of the most stressful elements is also one of the first obstacles the happy couple needs to tackle.
The guest list.
While some couples are very much “the more the merrier” sort, others like to keep it small, and regardless, all soon-to-be married couples are also restrained by their budgets and how many people will allow.
Needless to say, it seems immediate family are always guaranteed an invite.
Or are they?
Redditor Valuable_Phrase9120 was surprised when their daughter excluded them, their wife, and their other children from her upcoming wedding.
However, the original poster (OP)’s daughter did want her father to make one appearance at the wedding, but then promptly leave.
A request the OP flatly refused.
Wondering if this was unfair to her daughter, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my daughter her wedding rule is ridiculous?”
The OP explained why their daughter’s upcoming wedding was putting a significant strain on her relationship.
“My daughter (25 F[emale]) is getting married to her fiancé soon.”
“However none of us, her family, is invited to the wedding.”
“It’s going to be a large wedding, so I’m surprised we were not invited.”
“I wasn’t surprised when she didn’t invite her siblings, because their relationship is practically non-existent, however she didn’t invite either me or my husband.”
“Her rule is that she just want my husband, her father to walk her down the aisle, and then he leaves.”
“When we asked why, its because her fiancé doesn’t like us, and she doesn’t want to make him uncomfortable.”
“She made it clear she wants us there, not her fiancé.”
“I genuinely do not know why her fiancé does not like us.”
“I’d be willing to figure out why, if he would like to talk.”
“My daughter has been with him for 4 years, and yet we only seen him a handful of times.”
“When we do see him, he doesn’t talk to us.”
“We initiate conversations but he either does not respond, or changes his answer every visit.”
“When we ask him how him and my daughter met, the answer is different, ask him about himself and the answer always changes.”
‘It’s not like he changed his thoughts on something after we saw him, because he denies answering something different.”
“When we asked our daughter about this, she just said it’s how we acts around people he doesn’t know.”
“When my daughter told me the rule of us not getting invited, and her father could only walk her down, I told her it was ridiculous, and not fair to either me or her father.”
“I also asked her about the future, how is he going act when they have kids.”
“My husband and told me it wasn’t necessary to say, and maybe it wasn’t.”
“So AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community was mostly baffled by the OP’s story, and while a number of them agreed that the OP was not the a**hole in this situation, most felt that much more information was needed before they could make a decision.
Many agreed that the OP was absolutely right to call out her daughter’s rule, agreeing that asking her father to walk her down the aisle and then leave was utterly ridiculous, with many urging the OP to go further and convince her daughter not to marry this man.
“NTA.”
“Honestly, your husband should not walk her down the aisle if he isn’t invited to stay.”
“This is very controlling behavior.”
“Tell your daughter you’ll be there for her if he becomes abusive.”
“Don’t cut that helpline off, but you’ll have to pull back emotionally.”
“She’s made her choice, and you aren’t going to talk her out of this, sadly.”
“If you can, sit her down and explain the situation.”
“Warn her.”
“She’s marrying a very controlling man.”
“Probably emotionally or mentally abusive.”
“If not now, it will start after the wedding.”
“I feel very sorry for her future.”- KronkLaSworda
“NTA.”
“Admittedly, this seems off, but having your husband walk her down the aisle and then leave is an AH thing to request.”- jrm1102
“NTA.”
“Is she the black sheep of the family?”
“Why are her sibling relationships non-existent (and that’s okay)?”
“Maybe her fiance has heard some negative stories about her home life, and he is responding in a way that is supportive to her.”
“It doesn’t seem like your relationship is a priority.”
“Or she’s being isolated from her family because her fiancé is a bad actor.”
“Who knows?”
“Or she completely lied about who she is, and this is her way of maintaining the facade.”
“I wouldn’t spend too much energy about the why.”
“I would let her go but keep the door open.”
“It’s up to your husband if he wants to give her away and get out.”
“Quite rude.”
“And if he goes along with it, it shows a lack of respect for your relationship and a willingness to bend to the fiancé’s odd request.”
“As long as your daughter is not in danger, there is not much you can say or do.”
“Unless you are paying for this wedding?”- ContributionIcy5832
“NTA.”
“Whew, red flags from your daughter’s bf!”
“Do you have a strained relationship with your daughter?”
“Have you had blowout fights with your daughter’s bf?”
“Basically, is there a specific reason why he won’t tolerate your presence at the wedding?”- Ok-Context1168
“NTA.”
“But if she is being abused, tell her door always open for her to leave.”- NewtoFL2
“NTA.”
“I’m going to assume the fiance is abusing your daughter.”
“He is going to cut out all of her support to further control and isolate her.”
“Please delve further into this.”
“Ask her to come over by herself and ask the real questions.”- Witch_on_a_moped
Most people, however, were simply too confused, feeling that there was simply too much information missing from this story to pass judgment fairly.
“Something about this seems off.”
“There has to be more to the story.”
“I cannot make a judgment without more information.”
“What is being left out?”- Always_Anxious_710
“Seems like massive amounts of information are missing here.”
“So she has no relationship with her siblings.”
“Do YOU actually have a relationship with her?”
“Why is she estranged from most of her immediate family?”- OrangeCubit
“Not enough info.”
“Why doesn’t the fiance like you guys?”
“For him not to want his soon to be in-laws at the wedding, there had to have been something to take place or for there to be an actual reason as to why.”
“Do you and your husband have a completely different worldview than him?”
“Was there a financial aspect involved as to who would pay for the wedding?”
“There’s simply not enough info to say.”
“Gotta update with some context/background info.”- badgeringsoark
“Definitely missing too much.”
“Clearly missing something big since your husband thinks it’s normal for him to suit up, show up, walk her down the aisle, give her away, and then be sent on his merry way.”
“Meanwhile, no one else in your family is allowed because her fiancé doesn’t like you?”
“He doesn’t like ANY OF YOU?”- hinky-as-hell
“Yeah, something going on here if the daughter is NC with her siblings, and you’re getting such evasion from fiancé and daughter as to reasons why he won’t even speak to you.”
“Huge red flag if her fiancé is so controlling that he won’t even allow his future wife’s parents at the wedding.”
“Perhaps discuss with your husband and perhaps if he declines to go unless you are both invited and explain why – you’re her mother just as much as he’s her father, you come as a package – then maybe that will give your daughter some food for thought?”
“I’m sorry you’re in this sad situation. It still seems like there is more to this story tbh.”- TeenySod
“Getting a strong missing reasons vibe from this post.”- throwRA001888
“This whole situation sounds ridiculous.”
“Why has your daughter put up with this for four years?”
“Have you discussed this with her?”
“Did he cut off contact with only you and your husband or with all of her friends and relatives?”
“There is so much more to unpack here than just a wedding invitation.”
“With the info you have given, I would say NTA, but I think more info is needed.”- oldnjgal
It’s rather hard to believe how the OP’s daughter thought her parents, or anyone for that matter, wouldn’t have a problem with being asked to walk her down the aisle, then promptly leave.
It is a bit confusing that the OP and their husband would just learn about their soon-to-be son-in-law’s complete and utter hatred of them just when the wedding is about to happen.
It seems that there are a number of questions that need to be answered.
Even so, these unanswered questions make it fairly clear that this relationship does not seem like a particularly healthy one.