Weddings are already stressful, and strained family relations only make things worse. Society places specific expectations on our relationships with our family, that don’t always work out.
But what happens when those relationships force their way into your plans for your big day? Will sacrifices need to be made?
Reddit user siscatfish asked the Reddit’s “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) board if she’s right to not want her sister to play a massive role in her wedding.
The original poster (OP) asked:
“AITA for not wanting my sister to be my maid of honour at my wedding or godmother to my baby?”
That’s a lot to decide.
But what brought her to this conclusion?
“4 years ago my sister, Izzy, was catfishing a guy, James, with my pictures. This only came to light as she had been asking him to move to our area, and James had done it, so she had to come clean.”
“James and I were both there for this confession, and neither of us spoke to Izzy for a while after.”
“6 months later I saw James again. We got to talking and exchanged numbers. It was just friendly at first, but over time it grew into something more romantic.”
“When we’d been together for about a year, we told Izzy, my brothers, and my (divorced) parents. Dad and Brothers are happy I’m happy, but Izzy and Mum both flew off the handle.”
“We’ve been together 3 years now. In this time, we have interacted mainly with Dad and Brothers, and less so with Izzy and Mum.”
“Izzy has had therapy and genuinely apologised to both of us, but the catfishing plus her reaction to our relationship hasn’t made for a good relationship between all of us.”
“James proposed early this year, and I accepted. We agreed on waiting to get married given everything going on, and then a month ago we found out I’m pregnant, so the wedding is officially a solid 2 or 3 years away.”
“Despite us telling Mum this, she’s been calling me to talk about wedding ideas regularly.”
“Mum called today, again, to talk about bridesmaid dresses. During the conversation she said that not only does she expect Izzy to be my maid of honour, but also godmother to the baby I’m carrying.”
“Her reasons for this are that Izzy is my sister and planning on making me her maid of honour when she marries, and that Izzy is already godmother to my 8 year old son.”
“I expressed discomfort with both of those ideas, and Mum asked why. I told her that given everything with Izzy and James I’m not sure this is the best idea.”
“Mum then said that all of that was over 5 years ago, we said we’d forgiven her, and at some point you have to let bygone be bygones, especially as we accepted her apology and she’s gone to therapy, and if she hadn’t gotten James to move here, then we never would have met at all and the baby/marriage wouldn’t be happening at all, and that she was ashamed of me for excluding my sister over the past.”
“Izzy has since contacted me, agreeing with Mum that I’m being unnecessarily harsh and saying that she’s apologised and it all worked out and she’s not sure what else she can do to get me to get over it.”
“AITA?”
Reddit has a few ways to voice their judgement.
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- ESH – Everybody Sucks here
- NAH – No A**holes here
After reading her story, most of the posters agreed, OP was not wrong.
“NTA. Glad your sister is getting the help she clearly needs.”
“Your mother is definitely T A for trying choose your bridesmaid and godmother for you, whether it is your sister or not. Even if you didn’t have the history with your sister, it is always your choice.” – mamamaggie1619
“NTA It’s your wedding. You can still accept a apology and still keep Izzy at a comfortable distance.” – Cyberzombi
“NTA. People need to get it through their heads. Just because you’ve forgiven them and gotten over it doesn’t mean the relationship automatically goes back to where it was.”
“They don’t get to demand that” – MaxSpringPuma
“NTA the saying goes ‘forgiven, not forgotten’. And regardless of that, you’re free to chose whoever you want for maid of honour and godmother to your child” – dosoest
Despite the overwhelming agreement among most users, there were a few who think OP wasn’t entirely innocent.
“ESH. Obviously your sister is the biggest AH to both you and James. And your mom sounds more excited about omgawedding than concerned for her daughters.”
“But what did you honestly expect was going to happen when you started dating a man who was essentially her ex? Out of all the men in the world, you had to date that one.”
“This is going to be an ongoing conflict for the entirety of your relationship. You can have James or a healthy relationship with your sister, but you can’t have both.”
“Meanwhile, poor James needs to get tf away from this family.” – mermaidavenue1
“A lot to unpack here. Yes, your sister was wrong for catfishing James and using your pictures.”
“Unfortunately with social media and the internet this is very common and I’m glad she went to therapy to deal with her insecurities.”
“But you are pretty much engaged to her ex in a weird f***ed up way. He moved to your area to be with her, under false pictures but they had a connection obviously.”
“You and your sister are a**holes for the above. It’s not surprising you don’t have a good relationship after all of this.”
“Just because she wronged you by using your pictures, doesn’t make you marrying her ex okay. I think what you did is actually worse.”
“Your mother shouldn’t be trying to force anything about who your maid of honor is or who your child’s godmother is. Your mother is an a**hole for this.”
“ESH.” – AnonymousMowse
OP can choose how she wants to interact with her family, and they’ll choose how they react in kind. Hopefully whatever each side chooses, they resolve things before the wedding actually happens.
Otherwise, this special day will become very awkward.