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Bridesmaid Balks After Bride Insists She Wear A Bra For Wedding So She Doesn’t Flash Anyone

Woman putting on a bra
Zhenikeyev/Getty Images

On today’s episode of “Bridezilla or Not?” we hear from bridesmaid and Redditor One-Fox96.

The Original Poster (OP) rarely wears bras.

However, the OP’s friend is getting married soon, and along with a bridesmaid invitation, the OP received a request to wear a bra at the wedding.

This question felt invasive and frustrating to the OP, ultimately leading her to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).

She asked:

“AITA for not wearing a bra to my friend’s wedding?”

She went on to explain:

“I [23-year-old Female] have small boobs. You can’t tell if I’m wearing a bra or not in most tops, so when I can, I don’t wear a bra as I find them uncomfortable.”

“My friend Kate [25-year-old Female] is getting married and asked me to be a bridesmaid.”

“I accepted, and then she texted me privately to ask if I could wear a bra for her wedding as she doesn’t want me to flash someone.”

“I tried explaining to her that the bridesmaid dress she had picked out had full sleeves, so you wouldn’t be able to tell as the material is also very thick.”

“Kate got really mad at me, and my sister said maybe I should just suck it up and wear a bra.”

“I just find it to be a weird, invasive question as you literally can’t tell if I had a bra on in the first place or not in that dress, and I’m sure no one over there is staring at my chest.”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided:

“If she’s bringing it up, maybe it’s more noticeable than you think. Is this really a hill you want to die on?”

“She’s not asking you to color your hair or hide tattoos. Is this worth threatening a friendship over?”

“If that’s much of a burden to you, take it off after the ceremony and photos.”

“Soft YTA” – FreyjaSunshine

“YTA. You might not not realize it, but it is noticeable if your sister is on Team Bra, too.”

“There are plenty of inexpensive, comfortable styles out there.  Try not to make this all about you.” – AnnoyedRedheadedMom

“you can’t be serious”


“it isn’t a big ask. just wear a bra. why are you even trying to argue against it? she specifically asked for it.” – Ok-Main6892

“YTA She brought it up because usually it’s well noticeable and you will not die being dressed properly to a wedding.” – Lepetitgateau90

“But you can tell. She knows you are not wearing bras because she can see you’re not.”

“People who don’t wear bras think no one can tell, but in reality, your nipples poke out, and yes, everyone can tell.”

“Bras suck; I don’t wear them; I wear ‘sports’ tops/bralettes,’ and that solves all the problems.”

“It’s her wedding, just try it. When you’re married, you’ll have something like that too with someone or something (possibly).” – According-Step-5433

“YTA. You’ve already agreed to be a bridesmaid. The bride asked you to do one thing in order to avoid flashing her gran. Do the thing.”

“ Also, this: ‘full sleeves so you wouldn’t be able to tell as the material is also very thick’ doesn’t make sense.  I have small t*ts; try boob tape. ” – ParticularTrain8235

“YTA do you not have nipples?”

“What a weird hill to die on.”

“Also, as everyone has pointed out, if no one can tell when you’re not wearing a bra, why did she specifically ask you to wear a bra?”

“Do you think she’s just asking everyone to wear underwear to her wedding?”

“Either she can tell (it’s probably this one; she can see your nipples), or you go around loudly declaring that you’re not wearing a bra. Either way YTA.” – Is-abel

“YTA, sorry OP. It’s very obvious when people aren’t wearing a bra, even with tiny titties ” – AdFantastic5292

“I didn’t wear a bra, I think, in the last five years-ish, I know how you feel. But yes, everyone can tell we’re not wearing one.”

“It’s more noticeable than you think. Which, by the way, usually I don’t really care.”

“I am a woman, I have breasts (small but still), people that notice that need to deal with this because it’s their problems, not mine.”

“That being said when there are ceremonies I wear one, I know it can be uncomfortable for some people and even though I mostly don’t care…”

“…I just want to avoid being the cause of any issue for the person who is the center of the celebration since, honestly, it’s a small thing.”

“It’s not like it completely changes my personality, or it’s something unbearable (literally and metaphorically), or it’s a huge change with a lot of work…”

“…(like changing my hair color or hiding my tattoo) Choose one simple, like a sporting bra. I don’t know in your country, but I can get one super simple for 10 dollars” – PurplePinkBlue76

“For formal wear, bras aren’t just about having small breasts or not. The material between your breast and the dress also helps hide your nipple, which might be noticeable through the fabric.”

“YTA, because if you can’t stomach wearing a bra because it’s uncomfortable, you’re kind of missing the point of being a bridesmaid.”

“Generally, the dresses are garbage, and they’re ugly on purpose to let the bride shine. If you lucked out and got a comfy dress, the least you can do is wear a bra.”

“You’ve been asked to, so it’s clearly an issue, regardless of your understanding of it. Just suck it up, or drop out if you’re so anti-bra.” – WikkidWitchly

“yta – if she’s asking you to put a bra on, it’s probably because it’s more noticeable than you think and she doesn’t want to take any chances.”

“in hindsight, compared to a lot of bride’s demands, this one seems fairly reasonable and very easy to do on your end.”

“Look, no one’s saying that bras are not uncomfortable, but there are many solutions, such as a sports bra, boob tape, bralette, etc, that would be more comfortable.”

“‘I just find it to be a weird invasive question.’”

“if she’s asking you to be a bridesmaid, I’m assuming you two are fairly close, no?”

“to me, that doesn’t seem invasive, but I also shouldn’t assume all friends are as comfortable talking about such things as me and my friends are.”

“for the sake of your friend‘s peace of mind, just wear a bra. it’s not a hill worth dying on… it’s a small ask.” – Sea-Drama8760

“YTA. YES! Suck it up. If she has to ask, it’s more noticeable than you think. And I can’t understand what sleeves have to do with the front of the gown?” – hellohello316

“NTA. I think it’s funny how most people here probably agree that women’s nipples shouldn’t be so sexualized…”

“…as their entire point of being there is to feed babies, but turn around and sexualize them.”

“nipples are not indecent. everyone has them. men can walk around shirtless, but of course, women have to cover up 24/7.”

“it’s not like your bare nipples are out, if anything they’ll just see them poke out a little, and if they care that much about a woman’s nipple poking through her shirt… that’s a them problem.”

“cause why do you care so much? Does this personally affect and hurt you? no. To me, I’d barely think anything of it. just ‘oh okay’ and move on.”

“if anything, just wear some pasties so no one can see (the horror! a nipple outline poking out! so obscene!) anything and call it a day.” – Fancy_Tomorrow_1189

“Look, man, the amount of boob I have is in the negatives… I don’t wear a bra 98% of the year. It doesn’t kill me to wear a bra that other 2%. I think you’ll live.”

“If you have multiple people telling you it’s noticeable, then it’s noticeable. You don’t get to decide that people don’t see it.”

“You don’t even have to wear a bra! There’s other things you can wear for a few hours out of 1 day.”

“YTA” – the_white_slave

“I seem to be the minority here but I say NTA, I wouldn’t care if my friend came to my wedding braless nippels contour showing.”

“It’s not my business to tell her to wear or not wear underwear. If people stare, it’s their problem.”

“I know both men and women have nipples, and I’m not surprised seeing them at the chest area.” – unclaimedredditnic

“Soft YTA… It’s her wedding, and she was asking rather a small thing, all things considered.”

“Giving a pushback to the bride over something that has such a simple fix, seems like a waste of energy.”

“I think you should just acquiesce to her very reasonable request.” – BeardManMichael

“Oh honey. She is asking you, so yeah it’s definitely more noticeable than you think.”

“NAH. You have every right not to wear bras in your daily life, and oh gosh, I wish I could do that myself.”

“But your friend has very respectfully asked you privately, hasn’t made a scene or tried to embarrass you into it in front of everyone else…”

“…and probably would not have asked you if it genuinely wasn’t a big deal.”

“You have time to find the most comfortable bra you can find that will work with the dress, get hunting and suck it up for a day.” – rjmythos

The jury may be out on whether or not the OP is an a**hole, but I think it’s safe to say no bridezilla here.

Written by B. Miller

B. is a creative multihyphenate who enjoys the power and versatility of the written word. She enjoys hiking, great food and drinks, traveling, and vulnerable conversation. Raised below the Mason Dixon, thriving above it. (she/her)