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Bride Livid After Partner Agrees To Vacation With In-Laws Instead Of A Standard Honeymoon

Couple arguing in bed
JGI/Tom Grill/Getty Images

Honeymoons are one-in-a-lifetime vacations for a happy couple to enjoy alone, right?

For Redditor Mammoth-Blackberry74, not necessarily.

In fact the original poster (OP) pled their case on subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).

They asked,

“AITA for agreeing to go on a family vacation in place of our honeymoon?”

They went on to explain.

Some quick background facts: My family and family friends of ours go on vacation together every year.”

“This has been a tradition since I was maybe eleven years old and I’m now 27. Each year, my parents and the other family’s parents alternate who plans and pays for the vacation.”

“This year is our family friends’ turn.”

“I’m getting married in just a few weeks. We were planning on going on our honeymoon towards the end of the year but haven’t put specific plans in place yet.”

“I work for my dad and can pretty much get off whenever I’d like but she only has so much PTO, so we’re trying to be strategic with our plans.”

“I told everyone I would likely have to skip the vacation this year because of my fiancée’s work situation and our honeymoon.”

“Last week, my “bonus dad” came to me and told me he had booked a room for me and my girlfriend was more than welcome to come along too if she changed her mind, but that he was insistent on the family being together for the trip.”

“Honestly, there’s nothing that can beat the vacations we take. The places are great and the company is even greater.”

“My sister is so busy these days and lives out of state, so I get to catch up with her. The family we travel with has three sons who are some of my closest friends.”

“Beyond all of that, you can’t really beat an all expenses paid holiday.

“I told my fiancée about this and she’s very angry I didn’t immediately shut it down.”

“I told her that we weren’t required to constantly do family activities and this could easily serve as part one to our honeymoon.”

“We haven’t started planning so there’s no real plans to derail, and we can have our actual honeymoon as a first anniversary celebration since we weren’t planning on going right after our wedding anyway.”


Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided:


“The correct response was ‘I don’t know, let me check with my fiancée first, since we haven’t set a date for the the honeymoon yet.’”

“You need to pick your fiancée (who IS your family now) over your natal family. If you can’t do that, don’t marry her, for her sake.” – AceyAceyAcey


“No, the correct response would have been ‘No’ or ’I don’t know. Let me think about it.’ Then consult your fiancee.”

“If you fiancee says ‘No’, don’t tell your dad she said ’No’, just say ’I thought about it. And no, I don’t want to do that.’”

“In other words, don’t make your fiancee the bad guy. Show a unified front and be her shield against your parents, just like you’d hope she would be your shield against her own parents.”

“And it’s perfectly normal to have your own honeymoon, away from family and away from the in-laws.”

“To the OP, if the situation had been reversed, would you feel comfortable going on your honeymoon with your in-laws?”

“No, right? At least, I wouldn’t, and I don’t care if the in-laws owned their own private jet or their own private 1000′ yatch, if anything the power imbalance would make things worse.”

“In-laws are a cross between perfect strangers and older people who won’t respect your boundaries. Why would anyone want to share their honeymoon with their in-laws?”

“And if she doesn’t want to spend time with them, what is she supposed to do when you’re with them? Stay in her room while you take a day-trip with your family?”

“Stay in her room while you eat with them? Or bite her tongue and pretend that she’s enjoying the ‘honeymoon’?”

“And where does this end exactly?”

“Will your family have a key to your place (because they helped pay for it)? Will your family dictate where you spend your holidays? Will your family decide how your kids are raised and where they go to school?”

“No, it’s time for you to be your own man.” – DeclutteringNewbie

“YTA. If you can’t figure out that you should be including your fiancé in the honeymoon plans and that it should be something you decide together, then you’re not ready to get married.” – morgaine125

YTA. And so is your bonus dad. He actually had the audacity of inviting your FIANCÉ to join the families on HER honeymoon lol”

“Grow up. Or marry your family” – Repulsive-Positive30

“YTA. You are saying to your fiancee that your family and your personal happiness is more important than your marriage.” – angiehome2023

“YTA for what everyone’s saying: you shouldn’t have agreed, you didn’t let your finacee have a say, you just assumed her PTO time was better spent on a family vacation for you, you can go one year without this trip to do something romantic with your new wife.”

“But also: it’s kind of odd that your bonus dad was totally okay with her not coming but ‘insisting’ that you come.”

“That’s a weird thing for a family member to say, ‘your new wife doesn’t have to go but you absolutely should’. – painted_unicorn

“YTA. My dude. What part of you thought that (1) there was any appropriate response to this other than “let me check with my soon-to-be wife” or”

“(2) your soon-to-be wife would be even remotely cool with turning your HONEYMOON into a family vacation with only your family?”

“These are not rhetorical questions.”

“I actually want you to verbalize that thought process for Reddit because I can’t imagine that a lightbulb wouldn’t go off in your head with a Bart Simpson “D’OH!” noise accompanying it.” – Fifty_Shades_of_Nay

“YTA and a lot. A honeymoon is supposed to be you and your new spouse getting to enjoy each other’s company only.”

“You went and ruined that experience with your family vacation. You made a once in a lifetime experience second to your family’s wishes.” – dwotw

YTA. What is wrong with you??? I hope she dumps you.”

“Go on vacation with your sister. Your wife can do better.” – BentBent12

YTA because you know she has limited PTO and you agreeing to go on this trip means she’ll either have to skip it or have a shorter honeymoon.”

“Not a great start to married life” – CrystalQueen3000

It’s cool that your family and family friends do vacations every year or whatever, but you’re about to be married and you can’t even put into consideration your fiancée and her life.”

“You expect her to just go along with your plans and traditions, talking about ‘we can have our honeymoon as our first year anniversary celebration.’”

“That’s not a honeymoon anymore. That’s an anniversary. Going on vacation with other people isn’t a honeymoon, either.”

“And you said she only has so much PTO.”

“So if she uses her PTO on your family/friend vacation, is she going to have to do that again next year and forgo another couple’s trip to appease you and go to these annual vacations?”


“Edit: OP got me f****cked up talking about “bonus daddy” wanting OP to get back with his son LMAO YTA x 100000” – doggomother

“’Honestly, there’s nothing that can beat the vacations we take. The places are great and the company is even greater….. Beyond all of that, you can’t really beat an all expenses paid holiday.’”

“You do know what the purpose of a honeymoon is, don’t you? Most would say it trumps what you’re laying out here. You just told your future wife where your priorities are and she wasn’t the main one.”

“YTA.” – Dittoheadforever

“YTA. It’s your honeymoon, a special moment between you and your new wife. Not a family event and not a joint vacation. Get your priorities straight.” – Dinosaur_Doctor


“But the important piece of information here? Is that your fiancé is pissed. So shut it down.”

“I can understand her feelings. I hope you can too. Act accordingly. Because that’s where your bread is buttered.” – dekebasswood

INFO: Sincerely Op, do you love this woman or do you think it’s time you start a family?”

“You don’t write one kind thing about her here or even mention how much you love her. You’re creating a new family, new traditions, new vacations.”

“Honestly, it doesn’t seem like you’re ready to really combine your worlds or create a new one with your fiancé who you don’t even call your fiancé in your post.”

“It just seems like she’s there, you’ll get married, but life and vacations will more be on your terms rather than being excited about the new life you’re building together.”

“Also, are you sure you’re over your ex? I get the feeling he’s one of your favorite people and if you could spend more time with him you would.”

“Let me guess, he understands you like no one else, your fiancé and he are a little at odds. He’s the person you turn to for comfort.”

“OP, do you even really like women? As people not just romantically.”

“All the people you praise in your writing have been men and it just seems like you don’t even like your fiancé as a person, she’s just a means to a child.”

“YTA OP, to yourself and your partner. You’re not ready or willing to build a separate life together.” – Big_Vacation715

Best wishes to the OP’s fiancée.

Written by B. Miller

B. is a creative multihyphenate who enjoys the power and versatility of the written word. She enjoys hiking, great food and drinks, traveling, and vulnerable conversation. Raised below the Mason Dixon, thriving above it. (she/her)