Though weddings are supposed to be happy occasions where we can celebrate the couple’s new journey together, drama has a way of inviting itself to the occasion.
Or maybe the bride sends the drama an invitation on the down-low, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
The Redditor, who has since deleted her account, was furious with her cousin for showing up to her wedding and allowing people to congratulate her on her pregnancy, stealing focus from the wedding.
But by the end of the reception, the Original Poster (OP) was going so far as to consider not attending her cousin’s baby shower when the invitation came in the mail.
She asked the sub:
“WIBTA (Would I Be the A**hole) for skipping my cousin’s baby shower after she informally announced her pregnancy at my wedding?”
The OP had a beautiful wedding day.
“Three weeks ago, I married my best friend, and it was everything we both dreamed of.”
“We are slowly adjusting to married life and I’ve had some time to reflect on this incident that has left a very bitter taste in my mouth.”
But the OP was bothered by her cousin’s presence at the event.
“My cousin, who is 19, and her husband, who is 25 (different story for another day), quietly walked in.”
“She wearing an asymmetrical dress and although not an overly tight fit, it was revealing enough for even the most clueless of a person to tell she was pregnant.”
“My wedding and the reception quickly turned into a pregnant belly love fest.”
The OP was angry that the cousin accepted the attention.
“To my knowledge, she never directly said ‘I’m pregnant.’ She just accepted the congratulations from everyone and talked about how excited she and her husband are.”
“At one point, she tried to downplay things and I overheard her telling certain family members that the day was about the bride, but I felt she conveniently timed that right as I passed by their table.”
“I do feel her intentions were malicious and obvious. It’s all anyone was talking about.”
“Certain family members had the audacity to bring up the subject to me, on my wedding day, and talk about how ‘exciting’ it was that the family would be expanding.”
The OP was so upset, she considered not attending the next major family event.
“Things were kept cordial, but I am very hurt and considering not attending the baby shower when it comes.”
“A date hasn’t been announced yet, but I know it’s coming.”
“I get a strong sense that I will become the black sheep of the family if I go through with skipping it. I still love most of my extended family and don’t want to lose them but I also don’t think I can stomach such an event.”
“Would I be the a**hole for not attending the baby shower?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the OP was looking for something to be upset about on her wedding day.
“When I got pregnant the second time, I started showing during my first trimester. I also went to a friend’s wedding and even with an empire waist dress (not a maternity dress), it was pretty obvious.”
“I didn’t ‘announce’ the pregnancy on social media at all, was just telling people in person as I saw them if they asked. (We had a loss prior, so we only ‘formally’ announced it to our parents at a planned dinner.)”
“Despite me not saying anything, when I went to congratulate the bride, she handled it with grace. She congratulated me, gave me a hug, and we didn’t talk about it anymore that night.”
“The same thing happened at my friends’ birthday party. Everyone there also handled it with grace.”
“Pregnant people are allowed to go to events and it shouldn’t be held against them if people ask them about it. What are they supposed to do, stay in the house for nine months and only venture out wearing a snuggy?” – badcheer
“I’ll bet you a nickel that if the cousin had worn an oversized dress to hide her bump, the OP would be here b***hing that her cousin wore frumpy, ill-fitting clothes to her wedding and ruined the candid family photos.”
“The cousin had no way to win.” – katsmeow44
“Are we living in the 1800s where a woman needs to camouflage her belly anyway? OP seems like her jealousy has run away…” – alyssameryl
“Is this the 40s? She can wear whatever she wants and tell people whenever she wants. But I mean, she didn’t even tell anyone.”
“OP, YTA, I am sure your day was perfectly fine, except you may have ruined it for yourself by being so jealous instead of enjoying it.” – Scared_Hair_8884
“If the cousin were to announce her pregnancy before the wedding instead, the bride likely still would have been mad that she made the announcement during the lead-up to the wedding.”
“It would have taken away from her bachelorette party, bridal shower, engagement party, etc. as people would have been talking about something other than the wedding/engagement.” – torbortiger
“At my wedding, one of my cousins was pregnant. But it was still very early so it didn’t show and she didn’t want to announce it on my wedding day so as to not ‘overshadow’ me.”
“Except she didn’t count on her father who was just so happy for his first grandkid that I still learned it during the reception. You bet that I hugged the s**t out of her!”
“It’s one of my favorite memories of my wedding day, being able to share my cousin’s joy and her sharing mine on the very same day.” – mmdb1721
“It’s one thing for an expectant mother and father to clink their glasses or jump up on a stage to grab the microphone to publicly announce they are expecting… but that didn’t happen. They simply were present while pregnant and shouldn’t be the biggest deal in the world at a wedding.”
“I would think it would be an opportunity for the Bride and Groom to take a memorable wedding photo to show to the Cousin’s baby when they are older, like, ‘Look at this, here’s your Mom and I when she was pregnant with you.'”
“The OP missed the opportunity to be the bigger and a better person.” – A1askaKnight
Others agreed and said the OP would be the AH for skipping her cousin’s baby shower.
“Did… did you not want her and her husband to come? Jesus Ch***t, she can’t just leave the pregnancy bump at home.”
“Having just been pregnant, it was kind of difficult to find something formal enough to wear to an event like a wedding that was comfortable… so I can feel for your cousin here. That may be one of the only dresses she had that fit/was comfortable/appropriate.”
“She didn’t walk in and scream it from the rooftops. She didn’t turn your wedding into an impromptu baby shower. She existed… with a baby bump. She even tried to divert attention back to you, the bride… you heard her.”
“Life doesn’t stop for a wedding. YTA.” – coloradomama111
“This bridezilla would be shocked if she realized how many guests really don’t focus on the wedding ceremony or the bridal couple once everyone walks down the aisle.”
“They’ll notice the bridesmaids’ color of dresses, the bride’s style of dress, and if the groom and groomsmen kind of match… and then they kind of zone out until the reception.”
“Bridezillas like OP think the whole world stops for their wedding day, but in reality, except for the happy couple, and maybe their parents, most guests are there to socialize with others and enjoy the meal and dancing, and a bite of cake.”
“Go to your cousin’s baby shower, Bridezilla. Maybe if you’re lucky, your wedding photos will come in time for you to bring them to the baby shower and steal her spotlight!” – Live_Western_1389
“YTA. She didn’t ‘announce it’ by just wearing a dress. What did you want her to do, wear a trash bag?”
“You don’t have to go to the baby shower, but it appears you’re skipping it out of misplaced jealousy.” – 11treetrunk
“Like, do what you want, no one can force you to go to the baby shower, but she didn’t announce her pregnancy. She was simply pregnant at your wedding, and it was impossible to hide, you said so yourself.”
“So YTA but not for not wanting to go, but for your attitude because she didn’t hide her stomach for your wedding. You’re making a big thing out of nothing.” – Big_Appointment_1605
“YTA for your reaction about your cousin at your wedding. You would be the a**hole for either blowing off the baby shower as retaliation or attending with the wrong attitude (i.e., not being happy/supportive/celebratory), though the former is preferable to going with a stinky attitude.”
“I’m married. I had a wedding. But I do not understand why people feel that any attention paid to anyone other than the wedding couple on a wedding day is bad/wrong/grounds for anger and resentment. For the love of crepes, people have lives and other wonderful things may happen/be visible on your wedding day. That doesn’t make your wedding less important.”
“Unless the thrust of the wedding isn’t ultimately a celebration of the start of your MARRIAGE. If the wedding is really a ruse for a ‘you’ day, then that’s another story and I get how anyone batting an eye in another direction will trigger you.”
“Here’s another consideration: if she was beginning to show at your wedding, your cousin may have moved past the first-trimester mark (or nearing the end of it) at which point she felt more comfortable confirming but perhaps not announcing widely. For many of us when we are pregnant, we choose NOT to announce on the early end of pregnancy because, sadly, pregnancy loss happens.” – Fresh_Process6822
“You would probably look like an AH and petty if you were invited and did not attend the baby shower. Your cousin did not announce it at your wedding. Even if she had announced it beforehand, like you think she should have, family and friends still would have probably approached her regarding her pregnancy.”
“Did her pregnancy actually take anything away from your wedding? Did people stop and only direct their attention to her and leave you out or did they continue to celebrate your new marriage?”
“It sounds like you’re jealous that everyone wasn’t talking about you the entire time when in fact at all weddings there are conversations happening continuously that aren’t related to the bride and groom. Curious as to why you wouldn’t be able to stomach the baby shower?” – Mistica44
“Yes, you would be the a**hole.”
“My sister had her baby shower when I was still in the earlier stages of pregnancy. Because of my build, it was obvious I was pregnant very early. I didn’t ‘announce’ to anyone except my parents (in a private setting the day before, as they live very far away and I hadn’t seen them in person before this), but still had family congratulating me throughout the day. My sister was super happy for me and just went on with her day. That’s it.”
“You can’t leave the belly at home, and you can’t control who comments on it. I’m sorry you feel as if the focus was taken off of you, but you can’t really blame her (or her unborn child) for literally just attending your wedding.” – stupid_juice_drinker
“YTA. How was that malicious!?!? She herself told people to focus on you. Did you even read what you wrote? I do think that you should do your cousin a favor and skip the baby shower because you’re just gonna act like an a**hole if you go.” – whatsinaname_1980
“So you’re upset that your invited cousin showed up visibly pregnant at your wedding? Should she have worn a wizarding cloak? YTA for feeling like this was malicious. Don’t go to the baby shower if you’re going to have a bad attitude.” – WittyLola
Some also didn’t see an issue with how the cousin interacted with others at the wedding.
“What was she supposed to do? Leave the pregnant belly at home? She didn’t make any announcement, and she tried to steer the attention back to you.”
“YTA. The whole world doesn’t stop simply because you decided to get married.”
“Maybe you should focus more on your marriage rather than your wedding. Did you only want to get married to get attention?” – aaseandersen
“At a certain point, depending on how you carry (the way the baby/bump sits), there is no possible way to camouflage a pregnancy.”
“Some people are lucky that they can do so; others at about three months, you can see it from space; and then there are ones that people all suspect are pregnant but aren’t.” – kawaeri
“I mean, to be fair, even if she announced it before the wedding, she’d still be getting congratulations from everyone for the entire wedding since it would probably be the first time everyone would be seeing her since the announcement. I don’t think there’s much she could have done to avoid it.” – Garden_Wh**e
“…And they would STILL swarm the pregnant woman for belly worship if they hadn’t seen her in person. Especially if they’re family. YTA OP, Pregnant relatives are always going to be the focus, because bloodlines.” – Throwawayhater3343
“If she had announced her pregnancy before the wedding, it would be misconstrued that she only announced it to take attention away from the wedding.”
“If she skipped the wedding to hide the pregnancy, the bride would be mad she skipped it.”
“There was no winning for the cousin. No matter what she did, the OP would have found a way to say she took attention away from her.”
“She did not announce it and she did not ask for people to be happy for her.”
“YTA for making it seem like she is an evil mastermind when she actually was as respectful as she could be in her situation.” – Nericmitch
The subReddit was left shaking its collective head at the OP for making such a problem out of people figuring out that her family member was pregnant, without the cousin ever announcing it herself.
It seems the OP would have made an issue out of any version of this event, whether the cousin attended in a tight maternity dress or stayed home to hide the pregnancy. Hopefully, she’d be able to move forward and celebrate her new marriage, instead of her cousin’s “betrayal.”