The toughest thing about planning a wedding is that everyone has an opinion about it.
Ultimately, a wedding should be exactly what the bride and groom want it to be, but that doesn’t stop parents, siblings, cousins and friends from expressing their opinions regarding wedding planning.
And nine times out of ten, their opinions and feedback are not usually appreciated.
Redditor throwaway_formia was less than pleased to learn of her sister’s choice of wedding venue, as it was inaccessible to her disabled daughter.
While the original poster (OP)’s sister did have a solution for this problem, the OP still wasn’t having it, feeling that they were still putting her and her daughter in an unfair position.
Wondering if she was overreacting, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for calling out my sister for not making her wedding accessibility friendly for FAMILY.”
The OP explained how she felt her sister was being selfish and inconsiderate to her daughter owing to her choice of wedding venue.
“For context, I (34 F[emale]) am a single mom to my daughter Mia (8 F).”
“Mia has been disabled since the day she was born and needs wheelchair assistance and constant care whenever she is awake.”
“I absolutely love her to death and it’s only been us during this entire journey, so I’m definitely super protective of my little girl.”
“I also have a sister Cassidy (28 F) who just called me about the logistics/plan for her wedding in six months to her fiancé Max (27 M).”
“She said the wedding was going to be at a beach near our city, and it will completely be held in the sand: basically a 35 person ceremony right by the water followed by a bonfire and barbecue also in the sand.”
“She said she just wanted to let me know before she sent the official invite because of Mia.”
The plan did not sit well with OP.
“I truly have never been more shocked and disappointed in my sister.”
“You would think she would at least check in with me before she reserved the beach space because Mia obviously can’t come.”
“And now she’s only telling me because it’s set in stone, and there’s nothing she can change.”
“I tried explaining how hurtful this is to Mia because Mia loves her auntie, but she’ll be absolutely heartbroken not being able to attend the wedding.”
“It’s already so difficult raising a child with disabilities without a partner, but when even family is this inconsiderate and cruel, it’s truly the worst feeling.”
“Cassidy immediately started deflecting, saying her and Max checked to make sure the beach had a sand-friendly wheelchair for me to rent ($110/day).’
“The audacity to ask your guests to be paying just to make it to the event (especially when she knows I cannot afford this).”
“Then she said how she will not change the location because she and Max met on this very beach, and it has been their dream ever since to get married here after they also got engaged here.”
“When I suggested she pay for the rental, she kept saying how she and Max already had to cut so much out of their budget and plans because they also can’t afford much.”
“Like you’re already paying for a whole wedding but can’t afford a rental for your FAMILY to come?”
“I was talking to some moms of children with disabilities, and they all agree that it sounds like Cassidy doesn’t even want Mia there and is using all of this as an excuse.”
“I’m thinking about just telling her that we won’t be attending her wedding and supporting a person who’s inconsiderate to her own family.”
“So AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
While the Reddit community agreed that this was, indeed, a delicate situation, they ultimately decided that the OP was the a**hole for the way she treated her sister, the bride.
While everyone sympathized with Mia’s situation, they also agreed that the OP’s sister deserved the wedding she wanted, nor should she be the one who pays for the rental of Mia’s wheelchair.
“YTA.”
“I understand that Mia is the center of your world, but she is not the center of this wedding.”
“The bride and groom have a location that is very significant to them.”
“They want to get married at that location.”
“That’s far more important in the context of this wedding than whether the location is ideal for your daughter.”
“It’s disappointing that the location they wanted was not more accessible, but it’s very understandable why they want this location.”
“There is an accessibility option.”
“You can see if the bride/groom or your family would be willing to help with the cost.”
“If not, 8-year-olds don’t generally enjoy weddings anyway, even if they love the bride and groom.”
“Adults often project that hurt onto kids, but kids view weddings differently (as a long, boring day).”
“My 6-year-old niece reminds me regularly that while she loves me and is happy to be in my wedding, ‘kids mostly hate weddings’, so there’s definitely a cap on how excited she’s going to get.”
“And if neither of those is a good option, I am sure your sister would understand if you could not make it.”
“Caring for your special needs child is an excellent reason to be unable to make a wedding.”
“But the bride and groom are not AH for wanting to hold their wedding at a location that is significant TO THEM and their relationship.”
“They are the center of this wedding, and their wishes take priority over just about everything else.”- Robert_Rufus_Feline
“Sigh.”
“I hate to say this, but YTA.”
“Sorry, but they want to get married on this beach, and this day is about them.”
“They checked to make sure there was a beach-accessible wheelchair that could be rented, so Mia can come.”
“As her parent, it’s your job to make that happen if you want her to attend.”
“It’s THEIR WEDDING.”
“Not yours, not Mia’s.”
“However, if you believe that she’s truly doing this because she doesn’t want Mia there, then you should obviously choose not to go.”
“But it’s not HER responsibility to pay for your daughter’s needs.”- stoopidsheeple
“YTA.”
“Your sister’s wedding isn’t about Mia.”
“It’s about your sister and her fiancé.”
“The beach is very meaningful to them, and she was kind enough to give you a heads up.”
“Just say you aren’t coming instead of throwing a fit because you aren’t getting your way.”-Successful-Tank-9448
“YTA.”
“Your daughter is not excluded.”
“They checked for a wheelchair option.”
“Your life may revolve around your disabled daughter, but you can’t seriously expect your sister’s too.”
“She’s got her own life to live.”- TrueJackassWhisperer
“I hate to say this, but YTA.”
“Mainly because you are making this completely personal and making it seem like your sister planned this whole thing to ensure that your daughter wouldn’t be able to attend, and then being angry because she wouldn’t plan around you/your daughter and because she won’t pay for the accommodations that you need.”
“Your sister discussed it with you prior to sending official invites.”
“She is not obligated to plan her wedding around your child.”
“Also, she is not obligated to pay for accommodations.”
“Pretty sure Mia will only be hurt and think she wasn’t wanted at the wedding if that is what you convey to her.”
“You have the right to decline the wedding invite, but you don’t really have the right to vilify your sister.”
“It’s a tough situation OP, and it sounds like your day-to-day can be difficult, but it doesn’t really sound like your sister is the villain you’re convincing yourself that she is.”- DaddyLonggLegss
“YTA.”
“You were talking to people that were already BIASED, of course, they’d all agree with you!”- Own-Whereas-7420
“YTA.”
“Hello?”
“Did someone order an echo chamber…..of course, they agreed, but the simple fact is that you can still love someone and not be able to accommodate them.”
“This is the beach where they met and is obviously hugely significant to them.”
“I’m sure if your echo chamber friends could all stump up and help towards the $110 cost.”-ReviewOk929
“YTA.”
“No.”
“I don’t think any person would base their wedding location on whether their niece could come.”
“But they were thoughtful enough to find out that there was a sand-friendly wheelchair option available.”
“Goes both ways.”- ext2523
“Gentle YTA.”
“I have a daughter in a wheelchair, and it’s really freaking hard to be left out.”
“That being said, please know that sometimes in life, you have to accept that you can’t do everything, and that’s just the way it is.”
“Your sister has a right to be married anywhere she wants.”
“Take a step back, breathe deeply, and wish them a lovely time.”- Janeite84
It would be one thing if the OP’s sister was trying to exclude Mia from the wedding.
When, in fact, she seemed to ensure that it would be possible for her to be there without having to lose her dream wedding venue.
Hopefully, the OP will realize and not skip the wedding, as she’ll likely regret that decision for the rest of her life.