Not everyone is thrilled with the physical appearance they were given.
And as a result, they will go to great lengths to change it.
Unfortunately, they often discover that some changes aren’t always for the better, and find themselves no more comfortable in their new appearance than they were before.
Such was sadly the case for Redditor ThrowRA_nopicspls, who had one physical characteristic which was so frequently a target for ridicule that she felt she had no choice but to change it.
Unfortunately, the change only made her even less secure about her physical appearance, leading to her resistance to being photographed.
Even at her own wedding.
Worried that she may have been overreacting, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for saying I don’t want to be in pictures at my wedding (as the bride)?”
The OP explained how a cosmetic procedure meant to improve her physical appearance only made her feel even more uncomfortable and insecure, leading to her refusal to be photographed at her own wedding.
“My fiancé’s family never held back on jabs about my nose.”
“My fiancé said he knew they really loved me the moment they started with the jokes, they’re the kind of family that loves to make fun of each other.”
“My grandparents used to make comments about my nose that were kind of sh*tty, especially because my dad is Jewish, although I’ve never known him, and I got the nose from him.”
“In general I’ve tried to not be sensitive about it because they don’t like sensitive people, although my history with it and knowing my nose came from my dad who I don’t know made it a bit harder for me.”
“My fiancé made this comment once which was supposed to be joking/sweet where he basically said he was so lucky for my nose because it was the only way he had a chance with me.”
“That comment stayed in my head since, the idea that I’d actually be beautiful if it wasn’t for my nose.”
“I’ve had really bad self-esteem and would go in and out of believing I’m ugly.”
“I started thinking about having a nose job.”
“After we got engaged, I realized if I was going to do it, I should do it before the wedding.”
“He was really supportive of the idea and excited for it.”
“He made some comments about being glad I was losing ‘the beak’, something he’d never expressed before I suggested it, which confirmed to me that I needed it.”
“My fiancé loves my new nose.”
“I hate it so much.”
“I feel like I’m staring at someone else’s face.”
“I look like any other woman in the world besides myself.”
“I’ve always struggled with depression, and I was finally in a good place before this.”
“Now I can barely get myself to leave my room for work.”
“My fiancé is really frustrated with me, he thinks I ‘objectively’ look better and I need to get used to it.”
“I know I’ll have to but I’ve been wearing a medical mask in the house because I can’t stand to look at my face.”
“He says this is me sulking like a toddler, but I can’t control how I feel.”
“He asked what I was going to do for our wedding and I told him that I don’t want to be in any pictures.”
“He freaked out saying my selfishness was going to get in the way of us having a happy wedding.”
“I didn’t want to let this hurt him, so I tried to come up with options like wearing my veil covering my face in the pictures, incorporating a scarf into the outfit, wearing my mask, etc.”
“He said if I do any of that we might as well not get married at all.”
“That hurt a lot.”
“I can’t stand to see myself in pictures like this and having everybody see my nose the whole day would make this even worse for me.”
“I’m already going to be blaming myself for the fact that I won’t have MY nose in pictures.”
“I feel like I’m ruining the day for him but what he wants will ruin it for me.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for not wanting their picture being taken at their wedding.
Everyone agreed that the OP was in a hostile situation she needed to get out of, with many urging her to seek professional help, and others begging her to question if going through with this wedding was a good idea, based on the behavior of her fiancé.
“You need to get professional mental help before this goes any further.”
“You should postpone the wedding.”- murphy2345678
“NTA at all, but your fiancé is.”
“His comment about ‘the beak’ was stone cold cruel.”
“His remark about your nose being the only way he’d have a chance with you is telling.”
“He is superficial and shallow and inconsiderate, and I really hope you realize you deserve much better before the wedding rolls around.”- TatterdemalionElect
“OP look what your fiancé has done to you.”
“You were ‘finally in a good place before this’, and now you walk around your own house wearing a mask.”
“Your fiancé told you to get rid of the ‘beak’, but YOU are the one who has to live in your own skin, not him.”
“Think about what this relationship is doing to you psychologically and emotionally.”
“And then think about why you want to settle for that the rest of your life.”
“NTA but please be better to yourself going forward.”- claireclairey
“This is not for reddit.”
“Please talk to a mental health professional.”
“You should not be considering marriage if you feel this badly about yourself.”- tryingagain80
“This is way above Reddit’s pay grade.”
“You’re engaged to be married to a man who, along with his family, has needlessly bullied you about your appearance to the point that you had plastic surgery to try to ‘fix’ yourself.”
“Not only do you regret the surgery now, but it, along with the bullying you’ve experienced, has destroyed your mental health.”
“Do you truly want to spend the rest of your life like this?”
“Do you really want to marry a man who giddily told you he was happy you were ‘getting rid of your beak’ then admonished you for having regrets?”
“Please take all of this into consideration and try to remember that your sh*tty fiancé and his equally as sh*tty family don’t get to determine your self worth.”
“Only you do.”
“For all intents of this being a judgment sub, NTA, but you haven’t been very kind to yourself either and you will be TA if you don’t remember who the hell you are and put a stop to your fiancé and his family’s BS.”- Glitter_Voldemort
‘NTA but you’re in deep trouble.”
“You’ve already had surgical alteration you hate, to please a man who treats you badly.”
“Making nasty comments about ‘the beak’ and pressuring you into getting medically unnecessary surgery is definitely treating you badly.”
“The nose isn’t your big problem, you need to grow a spine.”
“Start by breaking up with the guy who didn’t like your face the way it was and told you so in cruel terms.”
“Then get a therapist to help you adjust to the face you have now, because I don’t think it’s possible to adjust back.”
“Maybe closer, and that’s something to think about if you really make no progress in getting used to this.”
“But I suspect it will never be just the way it was.”
“You will need to do your grieving for that, and learn how to accept it in time, and you’re going to need a good therapist to help you through that period.”
“I’m so sorry that you lost the nose you felt comfortable with.”
“But if you stay with this guy you’re likely to lose a lot more.”- VoyagerVII
Upon reading everything the Reddit community had to say, the OP returned with an update, as well as addressing that the recent behavior of her fiancé came as an unpleasant surprise to her as well.
“Thank you to everyone who’s written comments trying to help me.”
“Sorry I haven’t responded to a lot of specific people, it’s a little bit overwhelming, but I’m reading everyone’s comments.”
“Thank you so much to everyone who’s given a judgement and advice.”
“Everyone has been so kind to me at my lowest right now.”
“I really need to get back into therapy.”
“I’m trying to look into getting another nose job to reverse this but I don’t know if any plastic surgeon would be willing/able to give me ‘the beak’ back, and I’m terrified of getting surgery again.”
“I just want to feel comfortable in my skin again.”
“As much as I know logically I should be able to get used to this over time, I really don’t feel I can.”
“Everybody is suggesting we should postpone the wedding, and I think that makes a lot of sense.”
“I don’t know how my fiancé is going to feel about that.”
“I love him but a lot of these comments are making me think more deeply into how he treats me.”
“He’s this very sweet guy normally.”
“Introverted, very smart, always there when I need him, etc.”
“But he’s not being that guy right now.”
Regardless of the reason, if the OP doesn’t feel comfortable being photographed at her own wedding, it’s hard to disagree with those who question if she should be getting married at all.
One can only hope the OP finds the help she needs to start loving herself for who she is.
Even if the first step towards getting there might very well be leaving her fiancé