There are a lot of rules for ensuring you don’t upset a bride at a wedding. One of the most well known is that you don’t wear a white dress to the ceremony as well.
What Redditor Old_Budget_2834 is confused about are a few changes to that rule that she thinks makes her situation different. The original poster (OP) feels like she did nothing wrong, but the bride and her family are upset.
OP asked the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit about what went down to find out if she was being a jerk.
On one hand, you’re supposed to appease the bride, right?
“AITA for wearing white nails to my best friend’s bridal shower?”
But there has to be limits.
“So, some background: the bride (24f[emale]) and I (25f) have been best friends for 15 years, and we have always been on good terms with zero fights previously; this may be chalked up to the fact that I absolutely hate conflict so I always try to either deescalate situations or simply adhere to her wishes.”
“She has been planning a wedding for close to two years now, and she asked me to be her maid of honor as soon as she got engaged. I was ecstatic to be a part of this happy time for her, but that excitement has slowly started dying down because of how she’s been treating me the last few months.”
“My final straw with her happened over this weekend during her bridal shower. I arrived early to set up decorations, games, food, etc. before the event because I wanted to make sure she’d have a memorable day.”
“Everything looked beautiful, and when my best friend got there, she looked thrilled. Until she saw my white nails. I could see she was staring at my hands and making a face, but she initially brushed it off when I asked what was wrong.”
“We started to get ready for some fun bridal games when my friend pulled me aside to have a private chat. I assumed it would be about how the day was going, but what she said honestly just hurt my feelings.”
“She told me she wanted me to either rip off my nails or go home because she felt like the white nails were a subtle dig at her or a way for me to take attention off of her as white is 100% reserved for the bride.”
“I absolutely did not wear them on purpose; I had bought cute little press on nails for a date with my boyfriend and just hadn’t taken them off. Anyway, I told her no, I would not be taking them off because this situation was honestly ridiculous and it wasn’t like I was wearing a white dress or anything to take the attention from her.”
“As I said before, I absolutely hate conflict, so I think the fact I was standing up to her caught her off guard. She looked stunned, and then she started tearing up and saying I was trying to ruin the day for her.”
“Her mom came over to ask what was wrong, and I tried to explain it was just a misunderstanding, but my friend told me to leave because I wasn’t respecting her wishes as the bride.”
“I did what I was told and left the event, and now people are messaging me saying I should have just taken the nails off. Her fiancé even asked me to apologize and make up so the wedding can run smoothly in a few days.”
“Apparently she didn’t think I’d actually leave and thought I’d rip off my nails after her threat.”
“Honestly, I’m just really confused about how this all happened. It’s making me question my friendship with her; my boyfriend said she’s acting jealous and I didn’t do anything to warrant her reaction.”
“But honestly, I’m starting to feel like the a**hole. All I had to do was take the stupid nails off and let the day go smoothly.”
“I genuinely don’t know if I f***ed up or not, or if she’s just being controlling. So, am I the a**hole?”
OP thinks that wearing white nails wasn’t a big deal, but her friend seems genuinely upset. Should OP have just taken them off?
On Reddit, the users of the board judged OP for not ripping her white nails off when requested by the bride by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
While trying to help the bride have her special day is great, there are limits to what she can ask of others. That includes getting super petty over someone’s nail polish.
On top of that, she’s conflating the idea of someone wearing a white dress to the ceremony, with nails at a bridal shower. There’s nothing to the claim at all.
The board agreed that OP was NTA for refusing the request.
“They are nails.”
“I get not wearing a white dress but never heard of not being able to wear white nails.”
“She needs to get a grip and get over herself.” – Fun-Two-1414
“Nails? Really? If her granny comes to the wedding is she going to have to cover up her white hair?”
“This girl sounds utterly exhausting. You didn’t show up in a bridal gown, and it wasn’t even the wedding.”
“I’m not personally familiar with any rule that says that you can’t wear a white dress to a bridal shower, much less white nails! Is white forbidden in her presence from the day of her engagement until after the honeymoon? Ridiculous.” – molly_the_mezzo
“if this is her hill to die on, so be it. She lost her mind and threw you out for press on nails.”
“if she can’t realise she messed up I’d say stay home. Not because you cannot wear white nails, but because of the disrespect and disregard for all your efforts.”
“You sound like a fantastic and very thoughtful friend. But friendship is a 2 ways street. how does she take care of you ?” – Ryuloulou
“NTA at all. Your bridezilla friend is controlling and manipulative.”
“You say you hate conflict. Fine. It’s clear that she was definitely shocked that you stood up for yourself. Good for you.”
“She clearly thinks you’ll bend over backwards for her when she disagrees with you.”
“They’re just white nails. It’s not like you showed up in a damn wedding dress. She doesn’t own the monopoly on the color white… especially when it comes to PRESS ON NAILS!!”
“You’re in the clear. If this was the “final straw”, there’s obviously more to come. Re-evaluate your friendship with her. She sounds like a fucking nightmare.” – idrinksometimes
The requests of the bride were a little too extreme for some commenters. They thought she was being ridiculous.
Some questioned if OP and the bride were actually friends. At this point, OP might have outgrown her.
A reality check might be a good idea for OP.
“This person is NOT your friend. She has NEVER consider you equal to her in the relationship.”
“She says ‘jump’, you respond ‘how high’ and she is used to this dynamic. All of a sudden, you stood up for yourself and she is upset that she is no longer the ‘boss’ of the relationship.”
“She wasn’t upset at the white nails, she was upset you stood up for yourself. If you want to go back to being the ‘underling’ the ‘subordinate’ then apologise and grovel, because we all know she is going to want you to grovel.”
“Otherwise, tell her to [grow up] and be an adult. Your relationship will change but it will be better for you.” – AussieTopCat
“I’m not even sure what to say because you’re completely right. I never even considered she was so upset over the fact I was standing up to her, not because of the nails.”
“I think I’m feeling some shame for letting her treat me like this under the guise of being my best friend. Thank you for the reality check, I needed it tbh” – Old_Budget_2834 (OP)
“I’ve had ‘friends’ like this as well, don’t feel bad, you’ll find better ones too1.” – Perfect_Cookie
“Don’t be ashamed, you’ve grown up and gone in different directions. You were 10 when you became friends, people change and sometimes that means no longer being friends because personalities now clash.”
“I had a good friend in elementary school, we met in 4th grade when we were 9. By 10th grade she started to irritate me but stuck with her a bit because we were in the same friend group.”
“Total contact loss by the time we started our freshman years of college, now the only things I know about her are from our mutual friends and I haven’t seen her since graduation parties ended.” – PracticalLady18
OP isn’t wrong for refusing a ridiculous request. The bride may need to rethink why she feels the need to control someone else with such a ridiculous demand, before she loses a good friendship.