Planning a wedding is never easy.
And picking the perfect day is always going to present challenges.
Everyday has a different meaning for everyone.
Case in point…
Redditor Birthday__party wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for booking my wedding on my bridesmaid’s 30th birthday?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Long story short fiancé and I just set a date and booked our venue last week for a date in 2024.”
“We had to change the date because of a scheduling conflict with the best man so figured that we would just move the wedding to the following Saturday.”
“This happens to be one of my bridesmaid’s birthdays.”
“I jokingly texted her asking if she’s okay with my wedding being moved to that date and she sort of flipped out.”
“I did not expect her response.”
“She started off by making comments like ‘you better sing happy birthday to me and I expect a cupcake.'”
“Then a few hours later she sent me this…”
“’No that’s not true I don’t want to lie to you.'”
“‘I guess it does hurt a little I don’t want to be selfish or make you feel bad. I don’t really feel like there is a way to say no.'”
“‘I guess I’m a little hurt because it’s a huge birthday it’s gonna be my 30th and I was hoping to do something special for it and I will lose that weekend because there will be so much going on with the wedding.'”
“‘I’m not angry but I am a little sad. I don’t want to be selfish but I just wanted to say it because I didn’t want to not say anything and let it fester.'”
“Am I the a**hole?”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“YTA. It’s a milestone birthday, no one wants to spend a milestone birthday at someone else’s wedding.”
“And you KNEW it was her birthday when you booked the venue.”
“And it’s not just a guest, it’s a bridesmaid.”
“Her entire day revolves around catering to you.”
“Of course you’re the a**hole here.”
“How can you not see that?!”
“And you ‘jokingly’ texted her to see if it was okay?”
“You don’t even care that you’re the a**hole.”
“Be honest, you just came here hoping people would side with you and make you feel better, didn’t you?”
“It’s honestly your attitude about the whole thing that really irks me.” ~ Alarmed_Jellyfish555
“YTA – not only are you taking her milestone birthday you are taking her birthday for ever.”
“Her birthday is now your Anniversary.”
‘Every year she’ll remember that her needs are less important to you than the person you moved your wedding for.” ~ CraftandEdit
“Oh God. This has got to be a joke, right? How old are you?”
“When people become adults, they are supposed to understand that their birthday is not a national holiday and other things can and do happen on it.”
“My husband and mother shared a birthday.”
“One cousin actually died on that day.”
“My dad died on Valentine’s Day and sometimes Passover falls on my birthday.”
“And another cousin and I share our anniversary.”
“It’s OK, at least for the grownups.” ~ MamaTumaini
“YTA. If this person is important enough to you that you’ve put them in your wedding then it should be important to you that you honor her milestone bday.”
“You changed the date for another member of your bridal party.”
“Choose a different date that doesn’t fall on your friend’s birthday.”
“Especially since you asked her and she told you she does care.”
“Honestly, pretty crummy that you put her in that spot to begin with.” ~ MoMoJangles
“You moved the date because of a scheduling conflict with the best man and in doing so, created a scheduling conflict with your bridesmaid.”
“And for some reason, that is okay with you.”
“You made a joke out of it, expected her to play along and was surprised when she didn’t.”
“Again with the not caring.”
“This bridesmaid is supposedly close enough to be part of your wedding party.”
“But now instead of celebrating her special day and a milestone birthday at that, you want her to be part of celebrating yours?”
“And it won’t be just the one day.”
“Next year it will be your 1st wedding anniversary on her birthday and the next and the next.”
“You moved the wedding date once.”
“Why can’t you move it again?”
“Good on the bridesmaid for not hiding her true feelings, like you expected her to.”
“I’d be evaluating where I stood with you, if I were her.”
“And reconsidering some things going forward. YTA.” ~ solo_throwaway254247
“YTA, your 30th birthday is a milestone occasion.”
“My cousin got married the same day I graduated high school and none of my family attended my ceremony because they were busy with the wedding day (parents didn’t come) we celebrated the next day with leftovers from the wedding.”
“These are the types of things that stick with you forever and make your wonder about those in your life and how they prioritize you… or don’t.” ~ Riel84
“YTA. You already rescheduled once because someone in the wedding party had a conflict.”
“You still have a conflict. Pick another date.”
“Double YTA based on your edits.”
“You volunteered to reschedule your wedding for her birthday so that someone else who screwed up the dates wouldn’t have to rush from one event to another.”
“Guess you got your revenge on her for having to buy those cheap bridesmaid dresses, huh?” ~ hibernativenaptosis
“What I don’t understand is… the bridesmaid didn’t make a fuss or blew up, she just voiced her opinion and disappointment in a direct way, instead of moping or being passive aggressive.”
“That’s a mature way to handle a conflict.”
“And nowhere did she say she wouldn’t come, she wasn’t even really angry.”
“The whole post and the edits make OP look immature AF.” ~ isi_na
OP came back with a little info…
“Best man conflict.”
“He is already in another wedding that weekend out of town.”
“He got the dates mixed up and he was willing to take an Uber after our wedding to make it to the next and we decided to move it he did not ask us to.”
“He is a member of the groom’s family so this one was non negotiable.”
“She can chose to come to my wedding if she wants or celebrate her birthday her own way.”
“I would never hold that against her.”
“I would rather her do that than come and be upset the entire time and feel like she missed out.”
“I have already made several changes to me wedding plan to accommodate her.”
“She is really tight on money so I picked cheap bridesmaid dresses and I am covering the cost of her hair, makeup, hotel, etc. for the day.”
“I can’t afford to do this for all of my bridesmaids but I didn’t want her to feel bad about not being in the wedding because of money.”
“I’m the most hurt about her saying she’s sad and that the weekend would go to waste.”
“Her and her partner would have had all of their meals paid for the entire weekend.”
“My 30th birthday is a few days after hers.”
“We have been friends for 20 years and we have never made a big deal about our birthdays.”
“That was the whole point of me joking about the wedding being on her birthday.”
“For years we both ignored our birthdays for the most part and joked about how ridiculous birthdays are.”
“Which is also why I didn’t expect her to feel this way.”
“Also for those asking about the weekend before we would lose some vendors.”
“But the venue has this date available; it’s another option we are floating around with the venue to try to make things work and replace the vendors.”
“We haven’t booked the date of her birthday.”
“It is the first choice for the reschedule and the second is the weekend prior if we can swing new vendors within the next few days.”
“The date is off season because it’s what we can afford.”
“I didn’t pick this date specifically it was the date offered to us from the venue that lined up with our vendors.”
“Thanks for y’all’s honesty.”
“To the people sending me death threats in my inbox over a wedding date… YTA.”
“I would rather lose vendors/deposits than lose a friend so I will make the other date work.”
“After she sent that message yesterday I told her that I was going to change the date and she apologized and told me not to so I didn’t know how to take it.”
“We spoke and told each other how we felt.”
“She has a lot going on and it’s about more than just a birthday for her so I’m glad we had that conversation.”
“I’m going to pick a different date and if that doesn’t work with the venue then my fiancé and I are going to scrap all of our original plans and regroup in the new year entirely.”
Well OP… this has been quite the situation.
Sounds like a lot of planning and re-planning is afoot.
Side note… NO ONE should send death threats EVER!!
Good luck and best wishes to everyone!