The term "wardrobe malfunction" means a clothing failure that accidentally exposes a person's intimate anatomy or "an unanticipated exposure of bodily parts."
Chambers Dictionary defines it as "the temporary failure of an item of clothing to do its job in covering a part of the body that it would be advisable to keep covered."
While the etymology of the term traces back to a February 2004 joint statement by two pop icons, it's since become a common phrase in the English language. And while performing before millions of people on live TV is probably the worst imaginable place to have a wardrobe malfunction, the middle of your sister's wedding or reception isn't ideal either.
A bride-to-be was concerned a wardrobe malfunction was in her sister's future, but when she tried to mitigate the threat of a wedding day "nip slip," she was accused of being sexist.
Hoping to avoid embarrassment and conflict, the woman turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for a sanity check.
Technical_Weight4608 asked:
"AITA for telling my sister she is required to wear a bra at my wedding?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I love my sister. And truthfully when I say required I'm obviously not going to kick her out if she doesn't wear one but like she really, really, really needs to."
"My sister is well endowed and hates bras."
"When she's wearing certain items like baggy t-shirts it's not so noticeable but in the dress (that she chose, I just gave her a color) she's wearing in my wedding it will be very, very obvious she's not wearing a bra and one wrong move and she could be flashing everyone."
"Not only does it look bad, but it's also borderline inappropriate."
"I told her let's go shopping and she can try a bunch of different ones, I even found a boutique in our area because stores carry very few options in her size and said I'd pay for whatever she picked out."
"Now she's saying I'm playing into sexist stereotypes."
"I'm saying that there's a good chance if you dance too hard in this dress your titty is going to pop out and I don't think thats sexist."
"AITA?"
The OP added further clarification.
"The dress is low cut made with two panels that criss cross. It is too tight so the panels cut her boobs 'in half' if that makes sense with half exposed and half not."
"When she walks in the dress her boobs shift towards the exposed center so that she is constantly pulling the material back over and tucking them in."
"Also, it's not about my sister's cleavage looking better then mine."
"She's my sister, I want her to look fantastic. I'm going to be wearing a thirty pound bright white dress, I'm not worried about people not seeing me."
"If she had smaller boobs it wouldn't be an issue with this dress. If she had small boobs and was wearing a dress that could expose said smaller breasts I would still have an issue."
"If a man were to come to my wedding with his nipples exposed he would be kicked out. I'm not into the frat bro take off your shirt and wear your tie around your head, it's not happening either."
"I'm all for topless beaches. I'm not for topless weddings."
"To everyone saying 'well in Europe', please point me to a European country where it is considered normal for European women to attend a wedding with their boobs out."
The OP summed up her conundrum.
"I could be the a**hole because it is my sister's body and her choice to wear or not wear what she likes."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You're the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Redditors mostly voted the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"Nah, NTA. If she doesn't want to wear a bra at an official event, she needs to choose the dress that allows it. If she chose the dress that is tight fit, thin, see through or with noticable cleavage, she needs to wear a bra."
"No one wants their sis to flash her t*ts during their wedding." ~ Ok_Yesterday_6214
"Even I wear a bra sometimes if I am about to flash my boobs to other people (wider croptops), and I barely have boobs."
"Outlines of nipples? Usually okay. See through? Wear a bra. Your boobs almost falling out? Certainly wear a bra! NTA." ~ EggplantHuman6493
"NTA to expect someone to not flash half the wedding and cause a scene."
"That's kinda basic for attending someone's event."
"Different dress, bra, whatever. Long as boobs remain where boobs need to be." ~ Jhe90
"NTA Buzzwords are all the rage these days even when they clearly do not apply."
"Not wanting your sister's boobs to fall out is NOT sexist."
"Using sexism as a bludgeon all the time renders the term useless." ~ BlueGreen_1956
"NTA, you're trying to compromise here. You want your wedding to be remembered as 'that beautiful wedding where OP and partner pledged themselves together,' not 'remember that time OP's Sister flopped a t*t out on the dancefloor?'." ~ Sufficient-Rock2243
However, some felt the OP was the a**hole (YTA)...
"YTA—I feel like you're trying to micro-manage. I don't think nipples are going to make or break your wedding. This reminds me of a girlfriend I had who was a bridesmaid and forced to cover all her tattoos with makeup. It almost ruined their friendship, to be honest." ~ giglbox06
"YTA. You don't get to dictate other people's underwear." ~ EmeraldIbis
"Also, why are all y'all Americans so horrified at half of the population's nipples?" ~ Cent1234
...setting off a debate in the comments.
"As a European, there really is a time and place. This isn't about sexism, I wouldn't want a man to slip a nipple at my wedding, either. Wanting your sister to not flash everyone with her t*ts is not unreasonable."
"This isn't sunbathing on the beach, this isn't your own home, this isn't a sauna, this isn't a swimming pool, this is your sister's wedding. Wearing a bra for once, just one day, one evening even, is not that hard." ~ lunablah_blahblah
"No woman should have to wear a bra, ever." ~ Halvus_I
"Americans are, yes, weird about nipples. But that's not something that's gonna change in time for OP's wedding."
"Also... guys don't usually show their nipples at a formal event. I would be unhappy if my brother showed up in a nipple-baring outfit to my formal wedding." ~ Unfair-Fox-6947
"YTA. She's a grown woman, and she can make her own choices about what she wears. She can see how she looks, she's had this body her whole adult life, she knows what she can and can't do in different garments."
"Even if the local boutique carries her size, the bras there might not suit the dress, or pinch and dig in. Let her live!" ~ batikfins
"You're right, bro. I'll just wear some silk pants and no underwear, so my d*ck and balls are swangin back and forth like a grandfather clock whenever I move. Definitely appropriate, right?" ~ Subdivisions-
"Does she have a history of her tatas popping out at inappropriate times? Seems like she has a long history of going braless, so I would assume there have been some non-isolated nip slips which have you worried?"
"If the answer is no, then YTA and are perpetuating objectification and sexism. That's your right, it's your wedding, and neither of those are illegal socially, but it still makes you an AH." ~ Name-Initial
"This is really getting blown out of proportion. A whole bunch of people are getting on OP about how tits aren't a big deal, which is true, but they are ignoring the fact that a wedding is not the time to see them."
"Penises aren't a big deal either, but if I whip it out and let it fling around during the reception people won't be happy." ~ Starryskies117
"Exactly. Some people are acting like OP created the patriarchy or something." ~ ManicPixieDreamGirl5
But some saw no maliciousness or inconsideration from either sister and decided there were no a**holes here.
"Going NAH. I think you are allowed to want your wedding party to look a certain way. I think they are allowed to respectfully reject things that will make them extremely uncomfortable."
"Now it is just a decision on your end if this is enough to have her sit out the wedding party duties or if you want to keep working with her in a resolution that works for both of you." ~ Youaresomethingelse
"NAH. Maybe nipple covers would be enough to keep them both happy? Or the tape kind?"
"I have big boobs, and I LOVE my bras! Not wearing one will result in pain, so I don't get the issue." ~ Thedonkeyforcer
"NAH, just two women with conflicting ideas of what's appropriate for a wedding. Your sister is allowed to wear what she wants, but I think it's very valid to sit her down and tell her you want her to look her best, and right now, this dress isn't doing it. Say you, of course, won't control what she wears, but ask if you can find something that fits her awesome body just the way it should."
"Instead of fighting it, maybe appeal to her distaste for sexism to find a solution. Most ready-to-wear dresses are designed for B cups. Your sister sounds like her breasts are bigger than that. That works for loose-fitting garments, but for tight garments, it becomes obvious that the soulless clothing manufacturers didn't have her in mind. (I say this as a DDD.)"
"Tell her you're happy to pay for a dress made more to her measurements so that you're supporting companies that are inclusive of all body types instead of sexist companies that assume women are the same size. If she's still committed to this dress, look into body tapes. There are some great YouTube tutorials on taping up larger breasts in dresses like the one you described." ~ FKAFigs
The OP responded to this comment:
"I really like this suggestion, thank you!"
Many Redditors offered alternatives to bras, complete with links to products and tutorial videos.
"Could you suggest tape as an option, ie, the double-sided one that holds your clothing to your skin? It may be an easier trade-off." ~ Karma-Chameleon_
"YYYYAAAAASSSS, she has so many options. Double-sided tape, boob tape, pasties, silicone sticky cups, literally so many that don't involve straps around your body." ~ Minty_Green63
"I'm a J cup, and I wore pasties and boob tape for my sister's wedding last year and it worked out great. They make boob tape specifically for busty women." ~ 0eozoe0
"Fumi Desalu-Vold has an excellent tutorial on how to use tape for bigger boobs on her YouTube channel!" ~ Egga-Mooby-Muffin
"Check out Goodlines! They have video tutorials with women of all sizes, and they have a lot of different products. It's my go-to, I wore it for my own wedding." ~ Laureltess
"The store Juicy Body Goddess, they are a boutique for extra curvy sisters, and then look for their Big O'Titty tape. They have tutorials too." ~ LouismyBoo
"I follow a girl on Tiktok, Roxy Stylezz, and she has big ol' boobies, and she did a tutorial on how to give yourself a lift and tuck in the chest area not too long ago."
"It's a tutorial with bright green strips of tape, so should be easy to pick out from her profile."
"I found it informative as someone who dislikes bras but definitely needs something." ~ Agitated-Handle-7750
"I'm a 34GG/36G and I've done support just fine with boob tape. Is it as perky as an underwire bra? No. But it certainly would work for preventing a wardrobe malfunction." ~ Thequiet01
The OP returned with a final update.
"I have decided I am just going to leave it alone."
In the end, the OP decided to let her sister handle the possible wardrobe malfunction however she wanted.
After all, she's lived in that body her entire life.
Who knows better what it will or won't do?
Hopefully this bride can let her worries about her sister go so she can just enjoy her big day.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp